I might tell her. About my scar.
Last session my feet were cold and just as I was moving from my chair to stand for a hug to leave, I again said 'my feet are freezing!' and I take my shoes off for therapy as I curl up a lot - and you know she was standing and before I know it she had just bent a little to rub my feet to warm them up, with a sort of cluck of kindness. If you could have seen my face!!!!!!!! I was stunned!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do want more kisses on my head and I want more cuddles and I want more holding her hand and I want to talk and talk and talk about all the things that are locked in my head. And I want to be able to email her as raged at her two weeks ago in therapy and then refused to ever email her, or phone her or ANYTHING EVER again!!!!!!!! So still suffering the self inflicted repurcussions of that.

And I have not had MY story yet, I hope she is still carrying it. I left her a note today - via the surgery, asking to swop cardigan for another, as it has lost her washing powder smell.

I would like her to just be kind. and not keep pointing out that I am unreasonable. (I AM unreasonable these days!!)
I miss her so much at the moment, I was half expecting a text message back after my note, but no - nothing.

i wish i was brave enough to ask for a hug.

Hi Blanket Girl

Once I was so not brave (and still very much am not)

In fact it took stages and great effort for me to finally reveal my wants to my T. And Am SO glad I did. I think back on all those missed hugs...

So I want to help. (And hopefully you won't think I'm being too pushy or insensitive)

I first started with this Boundaries Questionnaire below:

Boundaries

Verbal:

Y N Allows self-disclosure?

Y N Discuss personal feelings, problems, or fears?


Behavioral:


Y N Accepts gifts?

Y N Gives gifts?

Y N Accepts hugs?

Y N Gives hugs?

Y N Allows text messaging?

Y N Returns text messages?

Y N Allows emails?

Y N Returns emails?

Y N Attends personal events?

Y N Does out of office therapy?

Y N Does phone sessions?

Y N Over accommodates for the client’s schedule?

Y N Enter a therapeutic relationship with family, friends or acquaintances?

Y N Call or visit ill patient in hospital?

Y N Lend a book or DVD?

Y N Selling or buying items to or from clients?


Spatial:


Y N Allows touch?

Y N Works within close distances?


Misc:

Y N Do you consider your boundaries flexible or rigid?

Y N Speaks to clients out in public if your paths happen to cross?



And I told her I just wanted to ask these questions for the sake of knowing so that I wouldn't accidentally try to cross a boundary unknowingly. Some were hard to ask, but I just tried stating each one matter-of-factly.

So you're more than welcome to use this list only if you want to. But maybe it could help and to know what is or isn't completely off-limits. I'll admit though, I did get a number of "that depends on the situation" from her on some things.

Then after that, I started this thread and eventually printed it out and showed it to her. She agreed to some things and I think it has been more of a relief. I worried a lot about being rejected. And I suppose I have been, in a way, for some of the things she can't/won't do but I do feel better in knowing.

I think someone actually showed my list to their T. In sort of a "look what this completely other girl with a completely other T wants. Isn't this interesting?" sort of way. So it's less about you and more about what people want (these weird cafe'rs you chat with, not you, no )

Again, only if you want. But you totally do not have to. I tend to be overzealous in my "helping" and am trying to get over it.

And I hope you're not in too much pain from the wrist. please take care

i want to ask if we can just turn off the lights. it is so bright in there, and i feel so on the spot.

i may ask her about it. that darn t3, i turned off some lamps which she said was ok and glad i suggested it if it bothered me, then at the end of one session she hastily turned them back on....which made me feel like it wasn't ok, despite her words....one of the times i shoulda listened to my gut.

i may try turning off the lights on wednesday. i hate the spotlight.

No one could refuse you the door shut - surely. go for it and ask - and tell us what happens.

I asked my T last session if I could record the session, I had brought my recording device and she said "well actually I need to think about that."

deepfied

Absolutely you can ask for the door to be shut. I am so surpirsed that she has it open...just wondering if perhaps SHE has issues or something with it needing to be open. She must have stringent safeguards on confidentiality if she conducts sessions with the door open. Do ask her deepfried....it will be interesting to hear her reply.

starfish

I agree, for sure ask for the door to be shut if you would feel better that way. It would bother me to have it open as well even though T's office never has anyone else there but us. I hope that you ask and I'd love to hear her response.

She said no to the recording and kept firm on that one, no matter how I railed at her. You can forget hugs for a while, she cried on me today. See my post. Sigh.
But you know I also feel hope, that this is so awful at the moment because I have never been like this with anyone or any therapist, and it must mean that I am right in the middle of the tangle inside. Urgh. Feels HORRIBLE though

DF
You will be okay!! Good luck!
Hugs
Morgs

DF I’m sure it will all go much better than you fear - and it would be great for you to ask for something you need and get it. Start to undo some of the prohibitions in your head.

Good luck Deepfried

LL

Hi DF
Don't waste your energy feeling silly - it was a perfectly reasonable question to which you now have a reasonable answer!!! I would have asked it also. Hope you had a good session overall.
Take care
Morgs