For the last three sessions, I've struggled to articulate something important. We've talked around it in therapy, about why it's hard to talk about, about our relationship, about trust. Last night, finally, I was able to say it.

In the end, I made a choice to share. I sat there and told myself it's now or never...

I said, "So, I have an idea. How about YOU be the therapist and I can be the client who comes in and unloads and leaves feeling so much better and lives happily ever after?"

He said, "I would LOVE THAT!" And we both laughed. Laughter is so good in therapy. I really think it's as important as crying, which I hardly do.

Anyway, I just blurted out the hardest bit to say. He was steady and maintained eye contact even when I looked away, and his eyes were still smiling when I looked back at him.

The eyes say so much, don't they? I was worried I would see disgust or indifference...but, no, the same, caring smiling eyes looked right back at me.

He offered very little commentary as I kept talking...things I needed to say. Things I have literally never told any other human being.

If I spilled it out here, some of you would probably think, "Wow...what's the big deal?" And yet, when the secrets belong to you...they are such a big deal.

It's taken me a long time...almost four years...to get to this place. To trust.

I'm still basking in the glow of the session last night. The connectedness. It really is like being held...this incredible, intimate connection. I'm keeping it with me today.

I know so many of us in are in tough spots in therapy. I just want to say hang in there...there is hope. Healing, even.

Yea, I really like this post glow therapy too. It is like a deep feeling of emotional security - a feeling of being met and heard and listened to and deeply connected with.

It is great. I am hoping I will get to the stage where I feel it IN me and carry it with me always.

This is my hope.

I love this thread....makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

So glad you are at a place of trust and openness with your T, BG.

((((BG)))) I'm so happy for you, that you were able to choose to trust your T and had such a big internal payoff from doing it, to take his "holding" with you out into the world. Thank you so much for sharing!

Thanks for the support, guys. I appreciate it. After so many weeks of beating myself up after my appointment, it felt so good to just DO IT. It was a leap to just say the words...but once I did, it was okay. I knew intellectually it would be, but it was good to experience it.

BG,

Great update!! I'm so happy to read this. You did great work!

BG this is literally the third time I've tried to respond. I keep getting interrupted!

I wanted to say that your session sounds awesome and I'm so happy you posted about it. It really IS in the experiencing that makes the difference. Your siggy quote pretty much sums it up.

Good for you that you took that leap to say what you needed to and that it was met with such kindness and understanding by your T. I like the sound of him and I think you are in good hands. Enjoy the glow as long as it lasts... and I hope that will be a long time.

I'm sort of basking in my own glow right now... but that is another thread.

Hugs
TN

Way to go- BG
Love that glow- enjoy every bit of it!

quote:

And yet, when the secrets belong to you...they are such a big deal.

They really are, BG, and you should be very proud of yourself for finding the courage to overcome that fear and speak.

I loved so much what you said about your therapist's eyes. Is there anything more healing than to expect rejection and scorn and be met with understanding and care? I know that deep, intimate connection you are talking about, that sense of being held and am so very glad you were able to experience it.

Happy Basking! Thanks so much for sharing it.

AG

That is wonderful, BG- I am so happy for you! Nothing like acceptance from someone who knows you so well...and it shows what a truly acceptable and not just that but lovable person you are.

BB

quote:

Is there anything more healing than to expect rejection and scorn and be met with understanding and care?

Yes...this is such a healing experience! Intellectually, I can reason how therapy can heal through these experiences...experiencing them is totally different.

Just like I intellectually knew I needed to share this secret with my T. but couldn't make myself say the words...

And, TN, thanks for your persistence! Can't wait to read about YOUR glow.

I appreciate everyone's kind words and support. This forum is a haven of understanding in the midst of a world that says, "What? You're in therapy? WHY?"

quote:

I appreciate everyone's kind words and support. This forum is a haven of understanding in the midst of a world that says, "What? You're in therapy? WHY?"

Ditto!

BG, I am so glad you shared your success with us! Stories like these always give me such hope that I will one day make it to that place of growth. I also know that some days are good, some days aren't, but when you have days like these to fall back on, that warm fuzzy feeling... it's the best!

Great work BG!!