My T has said a few times she wished I would move. This always comes after talking about the emotionally abusive people in my life who all live in the same town. I've told her it's not an option. Every time she's said it I always feel like she's trying to get rid of me. She said it again this week but added that it was because she wants to protect me. It felt a bit better, like she kind if cared. But, I still think she'd like to get rid of me. Any thoughts?

(((((RAVEN)))))


I would probably feel the same way but I hope your T would have a more honest conversation with you if she really didn't want to work with you anymore, other than telling you to leave town. But I so get how you might take it that way.

((((((HUGS)))))

Liese

Raven,
I think what she is saying about wishing you would move is TOTALLY about your well being. A T can't let their own wishes or feelings to enter in. My T once told me (with some pain in his voice honestly) that he couldn't allow himself to need me because then we would end up in a mess. So when she is thinking about what you need to do, she HAS to leave herself out of the equation. When she says this, I think it's about wanting to see you in a place where you are not getting hurt or abused and to point out to you that you do not have to stay in an abusive relationship (a difficult concept for anyone who has suffered long term abuse, especially in childhood.)

Wouldn't you think it was wrong for a T to let a patient keep coming to therapy if they didn't need to because the T needs the income? It would be just as wrong to not to urge you to do what's right for you because she would end up missing you. It may be very difficult for her to think of you moving, but if she believes it's for you well being, then that's what she would be saying.

All that said, the best way of knowing what she meant is to ask her. Tell her what her saying she wants you to move is evoking for you and ask if it's true. It took me a long time to learn it, but I kept on assuming what my T was thinking and he kept telling me that sometimes my feelings weren't an accurate reflection of reality. So I asked him how did I know if they were accurate or not and he said "you have to ask." This was followed by a long period of me asking my T what he meant about things he said. I know it's scary, but this is just the kind of reactions that are important to talk about in therapy.

But I also want to agree with what Liese so wisely said. I'd be going there in your place also. It's a lot clearer from the outside, but I think I would feel the same worry in your place. Which is why I want you to ask, so you'll know it's not true.

AG

Yes, you are both right. I know she isn't really trying to get rid of me....that's just old coping mechanisms creeping in. I do think that subconsciously it affects me so I should say something to her. Thanks for the hugs and support.
Raven