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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Summer,

quote:

Originally posted by Summer:
Hi Everyone,

I'm about to fall apart. My P finally got back to me but BAD news. He's retiring immediately and MAY be able to see me one final time, next week.

He said is was sorry but he's ready to retire. I can't believe he left the message on my voice mail.

I asked if I would ever see him again and he said he was HOPING for a final session - may not even occur!

I can't believe this. He promised me he wouldn't drop me ever. I could understand retirement - but some sort of plan

Don't know if I can handle a good-bye session. I feel physically ill and wish that I had never, ever entered into a relationship with him. Way too much PAIN! Sorry everyone!

I am so so sorry, but I am very happy he got back to you. It is such a short notice, but you can get some closure from this!!! I would try and tell him how you feel .... if you will miss him ect... so you can get all those feelings out and that closure...

I am so sorry... I can only imagine how scared and sad you are!! But you deff can get through this!!!! Your P will always be a part of you... the knowledge he gave you will stick forever...!!

Good luck! I hope you get that last session and can get everything out!!!

quote:

I can't believe this. He promised me he wouldn't drop me ever. I could understand retirement - but some sort of plan

Hi Summer...

I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be enormously difficult for you right now. Because of the sudden nature of this (that is...as you said..."without a plan") I suspect there is more to it than he is willing to share with his clients. He may have a medical problem that is forcing his retirement. And another possibility is that he has had some sort of boundary violation (or other infraction) with another client and is possibly under suspension. I do not say this to cause you more pain...just to point out that there may be "reasons" for his sudden departure from practice. You may never know.
You are now in a position to to flop around like a fish out of water for a bit...then see it for what it might be. A chance to start again with another P or T and keep working. I know it feels like a terrible loss...but it could be an opportunity in disguise.

I have had several terrible terminations with some of my T's....it hurt alot. On 2 different occasions...my T put me in a hospital and then...just vanished with no explanation. But after I recovered from the loss I found other people that were willing to help me and give me a new and fresh perspective on what had happened to me. Some of my most significant growth came from those changes. So...with that thought in mind...perhaps you can begin to shop for a new T....interview them carefully and find one that is a good match for you.

Please know that I am not trying to minimize the impact that this has had on your life but as you said..."somethings are beyond our control." We just have to roll with the punches. We can't know what is really going on in his private life...but something has caused this to happen. And it has nothing to do with you personally. I'm sure he never intended to "drop you." I really think something else is going on.
You may...get some closure...that would be nice. But it is also possible (for whatever reason) that this will not happen. So you must move on...at least you have an answer and the anxious waiting is over.
What really surprises me the most is that he is not making referrals to someone else, that may still happen and you will be able to choose what you want to do.

I'm so truly sorry this is happening to you...it will get better. Let it settle and get some distance from it and you may begin to feel differently about it. I wish I could say something to make you feel better...but words are inadequate when you can barely endure the feelings.

You'll be in my thoughts...

SD

Hi Summer ...

{{{Summer}}}
Sorry to hear that you will be losing your P. I think I would struggle if mine just up and retired - though I'm sure she is getting close so I should start to prepare myself

Your P has been sick for awhile right? Possibly the sudden retirement has to do with his illness and his own Dr. or family told him it was time to retire. I'm sure that it wasn't an easy thing for him to do.

I hope that he is able to give you a last session so that you have some closure, that would be the most professional thing for him to do. Make sure he refers you to someone who is no where near retirement !

Stay strong!

Holly

Summer,

Something seems really, really wrong about this. I can't imagine any therapist retiring in such an abrupt way and with no effort to meet with clients.

No, something is way, way off here. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's not right at all.

Russ

quote:

Originally posted by Summer:
Thanks everyone,

I will try and reply in more detail later. I feel so horrible right now, physically ill and hating myself for being this way.

I wish I could walk in for a "final" session and end things on a positive note, not making him feel guilty in any way. I care so much for him that I don't want to make him feel bad! I'm so hurt that he said he was retiring the end of this month but wanted to set up one final session. We could have had several sessions to work through it and he isn't even promising a final session.
ever take his place.

I thought I would be happy just to know that he's okay, even if I couldnt' see him again, now I realize I had no idea the flood of emotions this would cause.

I am going to see a T tomorrow but I doubt she'll get it. A few months ago I went to her confused about my intense feelings for this P and she said that's supposed to happen, it's okay to be attached, I'd grow from it...Now I'm going to be left hanging and I can't even tell my family what's going on. They would never understand.

Thank you for all of your support. I don't think I would make it through this without it! Summer

Don't hate yourself! You are entitled to feel like this.... abandonment feelings are the worst... But you WILL get through it!

If your T understands the attachment than she should understand your bad feelings. You could try to tell her about how bad you are hurting... I know for me how much easier it is to talk on this site.. rather than in person!

(((Summer)))

I feel so bad reading this thread. My T retired too about a year ago. I am still reeling from it and she gave me time to say goodbye.

I wish I could sit by you and comfort you. I know the agony I was in and still am in.


Please keep coming back here. It is not your fault you feel the way you do. I would imagine that you are in shock.

Summer,
Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't understand why such short notice, either. I also think there must be a reason he is not able to disclose to you.
I stopped therapy about 2 months ago because I was doing a little better, so I told my T I was "cured." He told me-kind of telling, kind of asking-he didn't think I needed to reschedule then. Well, that freaked me out. But what could I say? I had just told him I didn't need him anymore. So I left therapy (Back in as of yesterday, BTW). My whole point is that at the time, I thought he was supposed to GRADUALLY end the sessions, even if I did tell him I was better. After all, He's the "doctor", right? So, maybe it is just the way some do...mine is a behavioural-based therapy. Yours?
Anyway, I hope you can find some comfort in talking here and in eventually bonding with your new T.
I know none of this made you feel any better, but keep posting here. It at least helps to be able to get it all out.

(((Summer))))

I am so glad that your T got back to you so you know what is happening. I'm sorry that your T is retiring suddenly. I have nothing to add to everyone's comments but I wanted you to know I was thinking of you.

Summer,
In response to your notion of sending a copy of In Session to your P, I think it would be a very nice gesture. But I know some of them will not accept gifts. Do you know his policy on this? Perhaps he would be happy to accept it as a retirement gift. And it would be something of meaning and value for him I'm sure. I think as long as you think he will be OK with accepting a gift you should go for it.

Summer,

I am so sorry that you have to go through this!! Feeling that abandonment is the worst!!!

I let my T in so much and than pushed her away. I miss that closeness, but I fear so much that if I let her in again she will up and leave me...

I am sure your P has very good reasons to leave... and I hope you know it has nothing to do with you...

I really hope you get a chance to say your goodbyes and to express yourself. Sometimes making a card telling them how much they have helped and that you will miss them.. ect ect helps!!

Summer,

I admire how you are handling this whole thing. It would cripple me...at least it would considering where I am at this point in therapy.

I don't know how long you've been in therapy, but you speak like a very insightful veteran.

I hope you can connect with a new T and continue your work without too much disruption.

Russ

No worries, Summer. I enjoy your posts very much.

The fact that he hasn't returned any of your communications would lead one to believe that whatever his situation is, it must be pretty grave. Why else would he not get in touch? I just hope you get an explanation eventually. I think a letter is more than appropriate. If nothing else, it might provide a small amount of relief/closure for you.

Russ

I can't imagine going through what you're going through. It's one of the biggest fears of my life.

Whatever's going on with him, I think that he owes it to you to give you a little more information. If he is gravely ill, he should have told you when he spoke on the phone with you last. It's not right to just drop you. I would be very angry and hurt. That's just my opinion.

Like everyone said, don't take it personally. It's not about you; it's about whatever is going on with him.

You will make it through the pain. It's a loss; you need to grieve. The waves of pain will come and go, but you will make it through.