My T can be very moody. He has a bad habit of letting his personal life bleed into his demeanor in session. I told him today when i'm out running errands and I get panicky (like at the grocery store) that I pretend he's there with me, but sometimes I have trouble creating that feeling. He hands me a tin of mints called "after-therapy mints" and says, "here, that's me, take it with you."

So he can be very sweet, or very moody/offputting. I guess it balances itself out, but it is frustrating and confusing.

Thanks to everyone for your responses. (((hug)))

Edit: just wanted to answer a couple of questions raised in earlier reponses. As to the voicemail, I wasn't in crisis, the message just said "no need to call me back, was just having a tough time and needed to hear your voice so I called your voicemail"

And as to does he want to make the office more physically comfortable...I don't see how he could. He already draws the blinds, turns on the water fountains, makes sure my favorite pillow and blanket are on my favorite chair, and even bought a stuffed animal for me per my request. (which stays in his office) So I have no desire for anything more that way. Dam* I'm lucky, when he's not in a mood.

His comment was a "door-opener" from his part i guess.. I understand his comment as a ; "Go on, I stand right here- hug me if you like to.." Maybe he`d tried to communicate that He wasn`offended by your wishes and comments you made that session. I dont know, I`m NOT used to therpist who leaves me with that kind of comments really..
You should ask him what he ment.. at least talk about it..maybe..

This thread is very interesting reading ..

moody therapist; Wow, You seem to know him pretty well.. i never learned to seperate MY mood, from his mood.. And if my T looks tired, i always take the blame for it.. Like whatever reasons he gots for being tired, irritated, in bad mood etc; its my foult! Yeah.. working on this..

it is my impression that your tereapists have other rules/boundries about the hugging and physical contact than I am used over here (europe). I have never, not once - touched my T. It has never been a question. Neither the handshake or just the "talk about it". I never brought it up.. (Only in my dreams, i guess)
He has never opened the door for me when the session is over nor when I Arrived.

So therefore:
When I read your experience on this - I feel a bit disappointed.. And jelaous of your therapists.. (LOL) Is this a cultural matter??? - a matter of what kind of therapist he/she is, what school they belong to (mine is very a very Freudian type, psychotherpist!). Your Therapist Seem so gentle, open and nice about this.(I still struggles to understand if its OK for me to send a text message- Even that is almost a tabu for me!)
I think i am familiar with the conservative boundries, and also feel safe with them at this point. I `ve think I`d freak out if he had offered me a hug. To much tention in the room.. Yes- I bring it with me as soon as i arrive the office.. A hug would make the room a "Bomb-like-place."

Perhaps I would be happy if he`d offered a hug, but it SO difficult to know that it would made him very uncomfortable.. To overwhelming i guess, and unnatural with the sudden physical contact.(Its been over a year without it!) I want least of all to make him unconfortabel and shy.

One day- months ago- we arrived the office at the same time, it`s really a narrow aisle there, and when he hung up his jacket, We stood close- ad I felt the TENTION between us, as we both sort of knew that THIS is the closest we`ve ever stood! He smiled, and seemed a bit nerveous and shy about it. It was the sweetest moment, and wierd at the same time... I often go back to that memory..

So I just wanted to give a little update on this. I asked T if the "physically more comfortable" comment was referring to touch, and he said "actually I meant if I could make the office more comfortable for you." (can you say awkward!) So just to embarrass myself a bit more I came out and asked "So would it be ok if I touched you?" (I have no idea where I got this sudden courage) to which he replied, "ummmm...probably?"

Then T went on to cite examples of what other patients needs were like-- for him to sit closer to them, or in another chair, etc...which just made feel like he was trying to change the subject.

So I left the session feeling very embarrassed, discomfitted, awkward and without a direct answer to my question. Oh well, at least I asked.

WLOH

WLOH,

I thought he meant the office environment when I read the comment. I think his comments today were just to give you examples even though it felt evasive. Perhaps you can have another discussion about touch and give examples to him. Like, would you be ok with sitting next to me or holding my hand? I know it is a hard discussion to have.
I'm sorry you left the session feeling embarrassed and awkward.

strm, your commment...'Jill: You said: "i don't think i would get the necessary enjoyment and connection out of a 'paid' hug," I have to say that I have never felt like the physical comforting that I have received from my T is anything but genuine. Yes, I happen to be paying her, but I'm paying for her time. I honestly don't think that I have to pay her to care, I think she just does. I might be naive, but it has never felt like it was anything but heartfelt caring. It has been extremely healing and comforting, especially for the younger parts to have that safe physical touch and comfort.'


strm and others, that is just me. but keep in mind i haven't yet found a caring therapist. so, know my perspective. and t3 had offered a hug, but, i dunno, it was too early FOR her to care, so i knew it was a 'paid' hug.

i know y'all don't think i am trying to be insulting, just thought i would correct this if anyone took it that way.

and, i think back, t1, i know, did care about me. but he wouldn't have done it coz it just wouldn't have felt right for either of us.

interesting comments, i like your interpretation draggers...

one day i'll be able to chime in on this subject, i hope, with a different perspective!!

Jill,

I didn't take it as an insult and I understood where you were coming from. I just wanted to add that for me that it has never felt that way, but I suppose had it been offered too soon then I would have felt like it was a "paid" gesture or been very suspicious of her motives for sure!

I hope that you find what you are looking for in a T. That last T sounds like she was a mess!