For those of you who have not been following my way too long other thread, here's a brief summary of what has been going on with me:

-Over a month ago, ex-T recommended me to see a different T she thought would be more available to me. I considered it, then decided against, as I was already attached and didn't want to “start over.” Also wasn't sure of the necessity.
-Last week, due to email misunderstandings etc. I got very triggered and spiraled into some kind of bad place where I self-harmed worse than I ever had before and also scared the crap out of myself.
-Ex-T would not see or talk to me until my next appointment in spite of how badly I was doing.
-As result I decided to take her previous advice and find a new T.
-As a side benefit, the whole episode helped me figure out how I have been reenacting my abandonment issues and start to process that issue some.

So yeah, I saw a prospective T on Monday but wasn't that impressed, so today I saw the T my ex-T recommended to me. It's funny because this one has no website whatsoever, and I hated her answering machine message the first time I heard it...but after seeing her once I am convinced that she is perfect. Now it makes sense to me why ex-T wanted to refer me, so really it just makes everything better and I feel happy about life in general again.

I had kind of a bad moment after I got there because I was sitting in the waiting room, trying to get through like 7 pages of intake forms with way too many questions I didn't know how to answer. I was trying my best not to burst into tears when new T came out to check on me and asked if everything was OK. I said no, and she told me it was alright and I could take those papers home with me if I wanted, and that they were just something so that she could ask me fewer questions.

After we talked briefly about why I was there, and how I was still upset about ex-T, new T explained to me that she is a somatically-oriented T and that part of therapy would be educating me as well. But after being on MyShrink, I was way ahead in understanding everything she was talking about related to the brain and regulation and such . So we started with her saying how we orient ourselves to our environment, and then she asked me to just spend a while looking around her office to orient myself, and noticing if there was anything that felt calming for me to look at. So I looked around and noticed that the lighting was not too harsh, the space felt very cozy, and the view out the window was a stone wall pleasantly shaded with trees. Being someone who also works with children, she had all kinds of nice things around like pretty rocks, pinecones, soft pillows, etc. She talked to me about the pond that was outside and the frogs in it, and I started to feel more relaxed. Then she said I was welcome to pick up and hold anything I wanted to, so I slightly sheepishly went and picked up one of her teddy bears, which I held on my lap for the rest of the session. We were talking about soft things, so I started talking about my pet rabbit and she seemed very interested in hearing all about him, which made me feel very happy to talk about.

After that, she led me in a little grounding exercise. Then we talked some more about where I was in my life right now and things that had happened recently. She seemed really surprised at the short time I had been in therapy so far because I guess I seemed to know a lot about myself and therapy, considering that (all because of this forum, in my opinion). We also talked about how she understood trauma, and she just defined it as any experience where you feel threatened, helpless, and alone. We talked a tiny bit about attachment trauma as well, and attachment is something she clearly understands thoroughly (I know she has kids of her own, which doesn't hurt).

At just before 50 minutes past the hour, she said there were lots of things we could explore, but that I seemed to be in a relaxed place and she thought that would be a good note to end on. I was so relieved that she understood the importance of leaving me in a calm place and was taking care to do so, as that was an issue I occasionally had with ex-T where I had to leave feeling anxious or distraught. So we just worked out payment and then she said to let her know one way or the other what I decided. But I said I didn't have to think about it, that I would be comfortable seeing her. She looked surprised, but then asked if I wanted once or twice a week. I said I didn't know but we could start with once and see how it felt. Then she gave me a regular time, scheduled me in, and that about wrapped it up! I walked out feeling very balanced and optimistic. I don't know exactly what it is, but this T just gives of that lovely vibe of being calm, centered and unflappable, kind but firm and not someone you could easily manipulate. Good AF material if you ask me! Seeing how much more in control she was than my ex-T of being able to track where I was in terms of activation and keep me in a safe zone was really comforting. Part of it was my own greater experience, for sure, but a lot of it was hers...being happy to talk about my rabbit and not probing into any very emotional matters to begin with. I also found it rather sweet how after I sighed or breathed deeply a few times, she said, "That was a great breath you just took!" Little things like that which made my inner child feel very safe.

So sorry this is so boring to read probably. I just needed to gush about it somewhere. This could very well be the easiest therapist transition ever. The only downside is the drive is longer and worse, but on the upside her office is really close to a lovely park, so I could go relax there before or after sessions if I wanted to.

So thank you everybody again for being so supportive and helping me to make this decision and follow through. I really think this is going to be better for me in the long run. And I plan to see ex-T one last time to get closure and say goodbye on a positive note, so that will be OK too and basically life is good right now

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BLT,

Alpaca,
I'm so happy for you...such awesomeness!

Hi Alpaca...thank you so much for updating us on your session. I was wondering how it worked out for you and I know you were nervous to go so I'm glad it was such a positive experience and that you found your new T!

She sounds very lovely and calm and her knowledge seems to be what you need. I also like the sound of her office and how she handled grounding you before you had to leave her. This forum does help you feel more confident because of all the knowledge and different experiences out there. My T says this site helps to keep all of us safe because in reading about therapy we learn to recognize good therapy from poor therapy and we learn to protect ourselves. I glad reading here was of such help to you in your session.

How wonderful that you could go pick up a Teddy Bear to hold during the session and that she realizes your surroundings are important to get to know. How long has she been a T? Is she youngish or older?

It was not boring to read at all and I'm glad you had a place to gush about your wonderful experience today. I wish you a really good therapy transition.

TN

You know TN, I did not ask how long she has been a T but she is somewhere in the middle-aged category and she definitely gives off the feeling of being very experienced in what she is doing.

What wonderful news - very happy for you (((Alpaca))) - she sounds lovely and balanced - you are already calmer!!!

I'm excited to have someone else on the board seeing a somatic T Is she SE certified? I've found the work I've done in somatic experiencing therapy to be transformational and profound rapidly while also very gentle. It is extremely comforting to have someone so attuned to your every breath, the things that your body is saying, etc. Excited for you!

I'm glad it went so well.

I'm so glad you found a good place, you have been through a lot!

I read it all, btw and it sounds safe, affirming, relaxing, and intriguing all at the same time.

Not boring, keep writing as you will!

Hip hip hooray!!! So glad that you found a great T :] Hope all continues to go great with this one and that each session is better than the last! If I knew how to put the little smiley icons that do the wave I would totally put em but since I don't you'll just have to settle for this one tee hee. Once again, so happy that you feel so optimistic and that you want to end things with old T on a good note. I'm rootin for ya!

I loved reading this

So glad you found a nice T. Many a good session ahead and much solving and crying and joy to come of it!

This is SO NOT boring and I read every word. How wonderful. yay and congrats. I love how she was calm and did calming things with you - she never promised the earth, but was herself and let you make up your own mind and she didnt force things.

You just know don't you ! when you find someone - something clicks.

So happy for you

SD

Yeah Alpaca! I'm so glad you found a new T that you connect to!

Congrats, Alpaca! She sounds lovely. I hope things go really well for you. Seems quite promising!

Did you find out about her out of session contact policy?

Thanks everyone! Yes Cat, she is SE certified. It did feel way, way more gentle which I think is what I need. I felt settled already walking out the door, instead of having to sit in my car and calm myself as I often did with ex-T.

HIC, I already talked to her on the phone where she said that it would be fine to call and leave a message and expect her to get back to me within 24 hours. But I think next time we can talk more specifically about her contact policy.

Alpaca, that was lovely to read. Thank you for posting it and including detail so that it was helpful to understand how she was helping you feel safe and at ease. She sounds utterly lovely and I am so glad the transition is going smoothly. I wish you a healing and happy relationship with this new T

Well, just two small updates.

First, ex-T happily agreed to a goodbye session in two weeks, after I'm more settled with my new T.

Second, I finished the intake paperwork but was freaked out about having to hand it over to her because I was afraid of her reading it while I was not around and secretly judging me for whatever I wrote, plus holding me to whatever I wrote as though it were set in stone. I actually had a dream that someone went through the form and corrected it as though it were a school asssignment! Nevermind that's what my mom would do, not a T, but whatever. So I called her and left a message saying I was freaking out about it, and could I just go through it with her and summarize my answers and she could take notes. She called me back within two hours to tell me that was fine and not to worry about it. So now I can feel calm about my next session instead of all bent out of shape about this issue