I'm really confused. I actually feel like I am running around in circles like a chicken without its head! Had a session yesterday that was anxiety provoking. We have been trying to get me to be "more specific" when it comes to talking about the past. I can't get the words out. So we were talking about something that happened to me recently with my partner and I couldn't get the words to come out. I know that sounds stupid but I couldn't. Then my T started talking about something and I just remember "coming to" with her waving her hand in front of me asking me if I went away somewhere. This sucks! I don't know what to do. We are going to start really digging into this part of my life and it is freaking me out! I can't talk about this stuff - I can't say the words. I am in such a frenzy right now.

oh smiley...........hugs (((((())))))
I am sure that your T wont take you to places were you really are uncomfortable....I'm sure she will go at a very slow pace.

quote:

I can't talk about this stuff - I can't say the words.

I have been in therapy for 15 yrs and i am still struggling to get the words out! so please dont be too hard on yourself.
Are you embarrassed about the words or is it that you cant face things have happened to you or that it becomes real once you have spoken the words? Can you put your finger on what is the problem?
I have used a lot of techniques in my sessions from using clay -drawing.......have you tried these things.......you can use them as a medium to explain without saying the words or it can be helpful to loose yourself in these activities and lessen the anxiety a little.
I am sorry that you are in a frenzy..truly i am .
Try and look after yourself really well for the rest of the day
draggers

Ok - I wanted to delete this post and I don't know how!!!!! Stupid stupid me. I need to get out of here and run away. I know my T will take it slow but it doesn't make it any better. Gotta go gotta go. Someone please tell me how to delete!

Dear Smiley,

(((((((((((Smiley)))))))))))) I am so sorry you are hurting so much right now. I don't know why you want to delete your original post, I don't see anything wrong with it but if it will help you feel better than I will tell you how to delete it. The reason you "can't" delete your post the way you normally would is because it is the starting post of a thread. You can still remove the text, though, which is essentially the same thing. Just make sure you are logged on, then open the thread, and click the little erasure icon in the lower right-hand corner of your post. Then your post will come up as if you just typed it, so you can "edit" it. Then you can go in and remove all the text. Your post will still be there, but all the text will be gone, which is what you are probably aiming for. I hope this helps, and please consider staying and continuing to talk. Good luck to you and take care...

Hugs,
SG

Smiley,

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I have been there with the struggle to speak in T. One thing that helped and this might sound odd is to spend some time just talking about the fact that it's hard to talk. In other words, we talked about what makes it hard to talk. Is it content, is it feelings, is it that there are no words to describe what you are feeling or what happened? It really helped to get a clearer picture of what it was that was so upsetting to talk about. From there, my T had us go very very slowly and stop each time it got hard and return to focus on what my body was experiencing as a result of the talking.

I also like all of dragonfly's suggestions as well!

smiley.......oh nooooo, if i've said something to make you panic.....i am so sorry.

Dear DF - Panicked I am but not because of anything you said. Not because of anyone here. I'm just freaking out. I did send an e-mail to my T but I haven't heard back.

Thank you STRM for your insights on this - I will look into it.

SG - thanks for the info. I won't erase this. I'm just panicked that's all.

smiley... i hope you've heard back from your T by now and you are feeling a bit calmer.
take care of you
DF

smiley,

I am glad you didn't delete what you wrote. That has happened to me many times, and I feel so stupid...come home thinking 'why can't I just say it?' But it's big and important stuff for you smiley and that's why it needs time and it will take as long as it takes, but you will get there in the end.

Any news back??

starfish

My T has not gotten back to me. I'm still freaking out.

So, still no response from my T. I sent her a text this morning and still nothing. Left out in the cold.

Possible Triggers !!!!!!!


Then I find out this morning, that this guy that I worked with for many years, who just died was a suicide. Wow... very surprised. I started thinking about him and how I wished it was me. What a relief to finally be done here. Yes I see how it affected everyone here but ya know what? They will all move on and survive. In the end, he is still free from the crap. That's what I want - to be free from the crap in my life.

Sorry just venting and feeling like crap.

we lited a candol for yos to day smily at the curtc

thanks

Hi smiley,

I like your name. It's okay to be speechless and not stupid at all. I too have struggled to put major anxiety provoking thoughts into words and found it difficult to talk about an intimate relationship in the present or about one's in the past. Trying to do either stirred up major anxiety and I could not figure out what was the big deal. Ha! If only I had understood that these things take time and that I cannot hurry the process. I pushed myself and fretted over my failure to do it for longer than I want to admit. It is getting easier as I understand why I cannot speak on commmand and that knowledge is helping me to become more patient with myself and the process.

quote:

One thing that helped and this might sound odd is to spend some time just talking about the fact that it's hard to talk. In other words, we talked about what makes it hard to talk. STRM:

I wholeheartedly agree with what STRM has to say. Doing this might help alleviate some anxiety around the whole subject. Your T will help pace you and hopefully teach you the survival skills you will need for each step of the way. The biggest help to me with anxiety is taking the time to stop and take several slow deep breaths as often as I need to help minimize the anxiety whenever I begin to feel it and when it is beginning to escalate. FWIW, It took me a while to learn this too.

Maybe this illustration will help explain what I am trying to say: If someone were thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool without knowing enough water skills to keep their head above water and swim to the side or shallow end of the pool then that person will be in danger of drowning. Your T will want to make sure you are ready to swim before you are allowed anywhere near water that is over your head. Trust her. You brain doesn't want you to drown either so it will protect you until you are ready as well. Trust the process and remember...be kind to yourself!

deeplyrooted

smiley, i am late on this but i hope things are better. can you ask you t to talk for you? a time or two mine took me places and talked for me and it helped, and she was right on to what i was feeling. helped me get used to it, and not have to perform.

just a thought, and breathe, my friend. i hear the panic, and the spiraling, been there. breathe, get outside, breathe. post here, breathe. you are going to be ok, my friend. it will get better, and i know how i hate hearing that myself, so, sorry. but, it is generally true.

breathe in, breathe out, move on...jimmy buffett. xxoo jill