Funny you should mention about being human- in one of the voicemails he said something like " we are both human- so we can work this out.And while reading scripture this morning- the passage i read referred to making mistakes because we are human. (3 times in one day-huh... food for thought)

quote:

I can’t stay, fear is my shadow
And pain is close by
Leaving the darkness
Brings light to the shame
Terrified of the pain
I look for the way back to darkness

for me it would be- Leaving the heart of the unknowing- or Leaving the blindness of mind
because I have love confusion issues rather than depression, although I don't know what T would say.
He calls labels psycho babble- and doesn't use terms.
this is from your poem TN. and it is so so powerful for me- thank you for it.

My T said that I am blocking something- dealing with love. And this comes pretty darn close to what I feel-hmmmm- not really feel- in my head, but more what my body experiences.
I was just rereading this thread before sharing a poem I wrote - still in progress-regarding my T's other office- his real one.
constructive criticism welcome: (that shows growth for me)
- who asks for criticism?

Untitled (as of now)

Thank you for showing me the important room
The one that holds the thinking, the feeling of you
Thank you for tearing down the wall, just a little-
For it is my wall too
You open the door to accept my struggle,
And compassion illuminates the room
Lighting the truth of who you are- to me
Without diminishing the importance of our work
You are clearer to me now-
You are my soul therapy

By Helle

Which works better-
The one that holds the thinking, the feeling of you
or
The one that is the thinking, the feeling of you

Which is better-
You are my soul therapy
or
You are my soul therapist
or
You are my heart and soul therapy

Thanks for your help.
Should I send it?

Hi Mayo. Thank you. I'm glad you liked my poem and that it had such meaning for you. In re-reading it I can see now that I'm closer to the ending of the poem than I was when I wrote it. Progress has been made! LOL.

I enjoyed reading your latest and I think it describes the importance of your seeing his "real" office. The room that reflects who your T is and how he feels. The room that holds him and now where you can meet your challenges with his help. I think the room will become an integral part of the therapy you are doing with him. In my opinion, what you wrote is perfect and I would not change anything. The room holds him, feels like him but it is not him. So I like the original lines. Also, you are my soul therapy... I think the therapy is bigger than just the therapist. It's is all encompassing, it takes in everything about your relationship. So I like that original line as well.

Oh, and I think it would be fine to send it to your T. I think he would like to know what a positive impact his therapy room has had on you. I tell my T often how much I love his office (aside from the saggy couch ) and how I could not imagine him anywhere else. It is just SO him. He seems to enjoy hearing that.

Just my thoughts ( and 2 cents).

TN

Hey Monte and TN, Thanks for your comments. I appreciate your help. I will leave the poem as written.
And Monte- so proud of you, nice work! One questions though, are you from Europe? I don't know what a sook is?

I just couldn't bear to openly acknowledge the importance of his presence in my life.- quote by Monte.

Unfortunately- he already knows - he tried getting me to talk about it- last session, but I can't. And when he does that- I just want to say something kinda mean like- "what makes you think you're so important to me? You'er not! that is the urge- but it is not true. Hmmm... something to think about indeed. I have work to do- here (as this just came to me)
If you can- please post more poetry- yours or your favorites, that would be good.

Just wanted to share...

Untitled

I don’t know how she does it,
but when I’m with her,
I feel remarkably special and especially normal
in the same exact moment.

This juxtaposition perplexes me,
for it directly opposes
what I’ve supposed was
an accurate opinion of my shameful existence.

But to be honest,
normalcy scares me…
frightens me and worries me…
like rampant dysfunction intimidates the unencumbered.

Regardless, she sits there always,
aware of my discomfort
yet unafraid of my feelings
as they come and go.

See, she can see feelings for what they are…
temporary indications of internal reactions.
But for me, in that moment,
the emotion itself is blinding.

I can’t help but trust her though.
No matter what,
she always pleads her case emphatically
without ever trying to convince me.

Indeed, on the contrary,
it’s the nuance of freedom…
of her lack of manipulation…
that allows me to consider her suggestions.

And her eyes.
They convince me too…
that she is real
and that I just may be worth the constancy of her gaze.

They follow me everywhere.
They don’t stalk me or chase me, or wait for me to fail.
They simply follow me, earnestly and hopefully
so that I may get used to the idea of being seen.

And though, on a good day
I can barely remember how she looks…
and the image of her eyes is only ever faint, at best,
I can hear the way she looks at me.

I don’t know how she does it,
but somehow,
her patience hums when she looks silently
and her curiosity pounds when she peers intently…

But my favorite
is the way her heart whispers
when she finally catches a glimpse
of me.

CT,

Hi! Good to 'see' you around again. I wanted to say that I REALLY appreciate your poem. It is wonderful and lovely, and really touched me. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

I hope you're doing well. (((((CT)))))

MTF

quote:

And her eyes.
They convince me too…
that she is real
and that I just may be worth the constancy of her gaze.

They follow me everywhere.
They don’t stalk me or chase me, or wait for me to fail.
They simply follow me, earnestly and hopefully
so that I may get used to the idea of being seen.

And though, on a good day
I can barely remember how she looks…
and the image of her eyes is only ever faint, at best,
I can hear the way she looks at me.

I don’t know how she does it,
but somehow,
her patience hums when she looks silently
and her curiosity pounds when she peers intently…

But my favorite
is the way her heart whispers
when she finally catches a glimpse
of me.

This all stood out to me very forcefully as I just read it again. I can empathize with this so much myself it gives me the goosebumps. You have a great way of expressing this connection with your T and how meaningful it is for you to have her 'see' you. Really cool, CT.

Hi CT,
That was incredible. I could never have put it into words but reading your poem made me shout "That's it!!" That was very powerful, touching and beautiful, thank you for sharing that.

quote:

I don’t know how she does it,
but when I’m with her,
I feel remarkably special and especially normal
in the same exact moment

All of it resonated but this really rang true for me.

AG

quote:

Regardless, she sits there always,
aware of my discomfort
yet unafraid of my feelings
as they come and go.

See, she can see feelings for what they are…
temporary indications of internal reactions.
But for me, in that moment,
the emotion itself is blinding.

I can’t help but trust her though.
No matter what,
she always pleads her case emphatically
without ever trying to convince me.

So powerful- thank you.
You must have a wonderful T to have these words.

Hey AG- nice to see your post.

CT, this is gorgeous. It is hard to pick a favorite part - every verse made my heart pound - but if you really twisted my arm hard, this would be my favorite:

quote:

But my favorite
is the way her heart whispers
when she finally catches a glimpse
of me.

Have you read this to your T?
It is great to hear from you again - I've missed you! {{{{{{{CT}}}}}}}

SG

CT,


That is a beautiful poem!!

Hi all. Thanks to everyone who posted such kind words about my poem. I'm so glad you found it moving. I was a little worred that it would be seen as corny or cliche.

I have not been able to share it with my T yet because I haven't been in to see her since I wrote it. I am going to take it with me to my next session on Tuesday though.... hope she likes it! I'm really nervous about her reading it in front of me... I wanna just drop it off and run and hide while she reads it...

I used to write poetry all the time, but I haven't had the urge to for a couple of years. Poetry is weird for me. Sometimes I just think in poems, and something starts to come together and I have to just write it to get it out of my head. That's what happened with this one... all the sudden it was just there... like my subconcious has been working on it for years or something (lol).

Oh, and sorry I've gone AWOL from the boards. Life has just gotten really stressful and chaotic and something had to give. I'm trying to go to bed earlier and not stay up all night on the computer... I'm sure you guys understand. Plus, therapy has been really off and on and I haven't wanted to think about it anymore than necessary most days!!

Thanks again.

-CT

I hope it things get better for you CT.
I really enjoy your work

Lately, this Stones song is breaking my heart, but in a good way, and it's poetry to me. Had to make it my new sig, too.

SHINE A LIGHT

Saw you stretched out in Room Ten O Nine
With a smile on your face and a tear right in your eye.
Oh, couldn't see to get a line on you, my sweet honey lover.
Berber jewelry jangling down the street,
Making bloodshot eyes at every woman that you meet.
Could not seem to get a high on you, my sweet honey love.

May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Make every song your favorite tune.
May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun.

When you're drunk in the alley, baby, with your clothes all torn
And your late night friends leave you in the cold gray dawn.
Just seemed too many flies on you, I just can't brush them off.
Angels beating all their wings in time,
With smiles on their faces and a gleam right in their eyes.
Whoa, thought I heard one sigh for you,
Come on up, come on up, now, come on up now.

May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Make every song you sing your favorite tune.
May the good Lord shine a light on you,
Warm like the evening sun.

The band Phish does a excellent cover of this tune.

I'm not a poet but...

Lost In Her Woods

I don't know which way to go
Forward back, left right
I am lost and yet comforted because this is her forest
Surrounded by the presence of her woods, I feel safe even when lost
I am mildly distracted by the sun, but it barely shines through her trees,
And vaguely tempted by the wind, which only whistles to me through her branches.
Even the falling rain is shielded by her leaves.
All around me her forest wraps itself
I have a feeling I should get out,
Before the sun sets,
Before the wind is still,
And the rain drops dry
I know I should escape
But I am trapped here
Because I refuse to leave


I'm not sure if the meaning of this poem is evident. But what I'm trying to express is that my thoughts have been focused on T so much so that I'm feeling lost in them. And even when I need to think about or concentrate on other thoughts (sun, wind, rain) they are even filtered through the thoughts of T. Her presence is very heavily in my mind.