It just doesn't matter anymore.

I am going into a severe depression and I can not seem to help myself.

I have no one to turn to in person. I have nothing left.

I have lost too much and I can not stop the hemorraging. I am sorry. I am usually a more put together person than this but I am human and I have limitations as to what i can and can not handle.

I feel I am going to fall to the ground.

I am glad you keep posting here Jo. Whatever it takes keep doing it until you can stop or slow the cycle down enough to endure.

I've been in a similar emotional state off and on lately, more on than off it seems and something I learned is to find at least one thing to stop the cycle (which feels more like a merry-go-round spinning out of control) Your cycle is severe depression. Identify some factors that are causing or lending to that cycle and choose 1 task or remove one problem and it will slow down. You can take the power away from the depressive cycle. A friend told me a long time ago to "challenge my depression." I had never thought it was possible as it always seems to defeat me and beat the snot out of me, but every so often I find a little something to change about my situation and do it. Going for a walk, taking a hot bath and just going to bed early if you have to. And what you did by calling your insurance company. It is one more thing off your list that is plaguing and overwhelming you. So today you try to handle one more thing, perhaps the identity theft. Stop and visualize that list getting smaller and more managable. You can do it one teensy, weensy, micro, baby step at a time.

I know depression hurts and I feel it quite similar as you describe and it feels impossible to take care of myself. I learned some deep patterns of self neglect from my mother and this can be such a debilitating and helpless feeling. I want you to know that those are very young infant/toddler feelings when you feel helpless and despondent. By giving it an age it helps to recognize what you as your adult self can do to provide for that child's needs. Take her in your arms and tell her she is safe and everything will be ok. Whatever you know she needs to hear. And Jo, next time you hear me carrying on the way I do, please remind me of the same thing. I have a feeling it will be within the next few days. If not someone check to see if I am unconcious.

I hope this makes sense and that you are able to keep muddling through, wading through, crawling through...whatever it takes to get _through_. Again, I am so sorry about how hard this leg of your journey is for you. My wish is for you to find at least a little peace today.
JM

Jo, I know sometimes that things seem tough and the burdens seem heavy but you will get through this. I know we can't be there "in person" for you but we are here to listen and support you through this difficult time. We like having you here with us in this group so please keep posting and sharing. Let us know how you are doing.

I'm sorry that you now have identity theft to deal with. Just take things one step at a time. Do you have any family support? I know it can be difficult to ask for help, I know I struggle with this, but sometimes we are surprised at how much people really do care and want to help us. I guess what I'm saying is that if you feel you need someone in person with you then reach out to a friend or family member and ask for their support.

I realize you are having a disruption with your T and that can be very painful. I'm so sorry. I do wonder if perhaps she is not a fit for you because it seems that her style frustrates you and she seems cold and clinical to me. Is it possible to ask your M.D. for a referral to another T or P? I know it will be hard to start over but maybe it will be a good change and you will find someone more supportive that you can relate to.

Please let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,
TN