Removed because I don't know who is reading this forum.

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that's awful, woodensoul. I'd feel absolutely horrible if my T accused me like that.

I know sometimes folks lose it when they read criticism about themselves. But a T should be able to deal with that without taking it out on you.

Woodensoul,

I can't even imagine. I can't believe she would ask you if you had made the comment. Did you leave the session with her still thinking it could be you?

I'm pretty sure wherever the comment was made from, it can be traced to the location of the actual computer the comment came from, by the ISP. So, I think it would be easy to prove it wasn't you. That's what she should have done before accusing a client!

I can't even imagine my T even asking if I did something like that. I'm so sorry, woodensoul.

You did the right thing by telling her, your intentions were in the right place. It really stinks that it was thrown back in your face like that.

OW

Woodensoul,

OMG!!

I am at a loss for words. I don't know what I would do if my T said those words to me when I was only trying to help. It does not sound very professional to me.

Maybe your T needs to see their T to work this through. I really dont' think that you deserved the reaction you were given.

As OW said, you did the right thing, and your intentions were true. Be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.

Kats

Woodensoul,

I'm speechless! I think your T needs to go see HER T!!!! Sounds like a lot of anger and guilt going on there.

If my T thought that I had said bad things about her, she would try to find out why and "what that means" to me to have done that. She would never have accused me. Therapy is supposed to be all about the client, not about the T.

I hope you are finding a way to cope.

PL

I feel like someone ripped my skin right off of me. She is my new T. I want to see my old T so badly. I miss her so bad. I even called and asked her to call me back but I know she won't because she told me she can't.

The new T told me that she wasn't acusing me but that she was asking me so that she could get it out of the way. What bothered me most was how she told me WHY she thought I'd have done it. I told her that she does not know me if she thought those things. I am still crying. She kept saying things like "I am sorry that this hurt you." But never I am sorry for wondering if it was you.

This isn't the first weird thing she's done with me. I feel so lost. I really wanted this to work. In so many ways she is a good therapist but I have been burned before and I am trying to figure out if this is in my best interest to stay with her. I think if I leave her I will not seek out another T. I have no guidance on who to go to anyway. My T told me she'd help me find a new T if I wanted her to but I don't trust what she'd tell the new T.

I was thinking of just finding one on my own and telling them that my old T retired and that I can't get a hold of her and so we must start from scratch.

God help me this is the WORST

I also told her that if she wants to sue me then so be it. I have some attorney's that I know who'd do anything to help me. Then I realized that it could be a slippery slope to open up my therapy session to some attorney. Afterall she knows by far more about me than I do about her. She said she wasn't going to sue me that she believes I didn't do it.

~

I am so sorry woodensoul! How awful! I'm dumbfounded by your T's behavior and am not surprised that it upset you so much. I would be completely devastated and would probably not go back. Any T that can't handle criticism, threatens legal action, and starts pointing fingers has a serious ego complex and probably can't see the world beyond her own nose, let alone see anything anyone else does objectively. I know you have been already struggling so much with having to switch T's, so this must be especially difficult.

But even though she said she believes I didn't do it I still feel like she violated something in me. That there is a breach of trust.

I know for a fact that she told another therapist that she thought it was me. I know she used my name. I know the other therapist because I was in group with her. This has left me feeling slimy and icky.

Hey River we posted at the same time.

I just wish someone would hold me right now. I feel all exposed and almost like a little kid.

I trusted her. I don't know if I can trust her again. I want to talk to my old T. I miss her.

WS,

Did she just ask if you'd done it, and then move on? Did she give you some reason to think she didn't believe you when you said, "no"?

I told her once that my dad would hurt me so that he could console me afterward. She thought that I was trying to hurt her so I could console her. This is what hurts. I feel she is using my trust and my past against me. It's like saying that because my father did something that I would do it too.

Well, I feel like I can relate to a similar thing happening; at one point, one of my two group Ts, when I mentioned that I'd been involved in bullying when I was young, assumed I was the bully. I hated the very idea of it, 'cause it's something I'm quite against. It hurt.

Yes that is how I felt too Wynne. And it does hurt badly.

as a child I hurt other so I could console them. AS A CHILD. But she seems to think I am still doing this. WTH? I am not as simple as a child anymore. I have grown up. I don't do waht I did as a child. It really upsets me. I asked her how she is ever going to get to know me when she makes such generalizations about me.

WS- I'm new here, and didn't really plan on commenting so soon, especially without introducing myself, but I am moved by how upset this accusation has made you. I just wanted to say a few things, but I understand that I am new here, and that my words may carry little weight.

1) I am sorry that your were so hurt today. I can only imagine that you must be angry, sad and offended, especially experiencing this with a new T. I certainly resonate with your longing for your old T, I'm sure some understanding and comfort could do you some good right now.

quote:

I told her once that my dad would hurt me so that he could console me afterward. She thought that I was trying to hurt her so I could console her.

quote:

as a child I hurt other so I could console them. AS A CHILD. But she seems to think I am still doing this. WTH? I am not as simple as a child anymore. I have grown up. I don't do waht I did as a child.

2) Even though you are an adult and have grown up, in my experience, a lot of things that come up in therapy are often things that we did as a child, but don't realize we are still doing. It's patterns like these, that often drive us to therapy. While I think your T should have been way more sensitive and shouldn't have expressed her feelings about getting an attorney involved, to me, her reasoning behind the question wasn't totally out of line. I'm not suggesting you would do such a thing, not at all, but it is possible, given your history you mentioned with your dad, the nature of transference, and the fact that she doesn't know you very well yet, that it COULD have been you.

Well, my thoughts are with you as you struggle with what to do next. I am glad, however, that your T brought this up to you now instead of suspecting you and never saying anything. I think that could have potentially been much more painful long term.

Thank you HB your advice is sound. Thanks for understanding how devastating this is to me. Anyone who knows me at all would know that I would NEVER do what my T thought I did. She needs to face that there is someone out there who did this and she may not be able to figure out who it is. My heart is broken.

And now I worry that she is reading this as I told her of this group. I may just change my ID. I'm sorry you guys.