How'd you do it? How did you cold call a new one? How did you go to the first session? What did they ask you? Did you have to fill out surveys, or something? Write an essay? :P Okay, so my questions are getting a bit more ridiculous.

I have a list of 3 names. I know nothing about them. I flipped a three-sided coin and called one and left a message. Is this really how people do this?

Believe it or not, yes that is how most people do it. I have been lucky 2X with referrals from people I know. But knowing what I know now about transference and all of that I will be very careful next time. (Hopefully there won't be a next time but I am a realist.) I suggest asking a lot of questions on the phone and at the first appt. See all three once and then decide if you want. It is a lot like a job interview, and you are doing the interviewing. I have seen gobs of sites online that have lists of questions to ask potential T's. Don't be afraid to grill 'em, you know now how much influence a T can have on your life, you don't want to trust this stuff to just anyone.

Hi Wynne,
I agree with what River already said about interviewing your potential T before you "sign up." I have seen some websites like she is talking about that provide some good questions for you to ask. But there is an on the job training so to speak that goes on I think and so a T has to be someone who is willing to learn through your experience as well as you learning through experiencing it. If that makes sense.

I had a very high recomendation to my T from a good friend who also happens to be a T b/c as I was aware of "just because someone hangs a sign on their door doesn't mean they're any good at it." I still feel like I got very lucky.

How about T-fella recomending someone for you? I'd hesitate on the three sided coin toss, but if that is your only option then definitely grill them on the interview like River said. Maybe even take in a session or two, because to be honest my first impression w/ my T (and we ALL know how wonderful she turned out to be) was very benign. But I had no idea I was about to embark on the ride of my lifetime either. I even told her one day almost 2 years into my therapy, "You know you really should hang a disclaimer on the wall that reads 'You will fall in love with me, but that is ok and completely normal.'" She laughed and admitted that not everyone "falls in love with their therapist." Lucky b@$t@&#$

As far as paper work...I think that is the reason I decided she was ok. 1 form, 1 side, 14 pt font. Who wouln't love that?? My Alcohol counselor on the other hand was something like 8 pages boths sides with redundant question after redundant question until I got so fed up I quit filling out the forms especially when the last question I read went something like "Have you or anyone in your family ever experienced any of the following, please circle all that apply- physical, sexual, emotional abuse, substance abuse, suicidal tendencies, mood disorders, eating disorders, physical endangerment, violent assault or victim of crime, anxiety or panic attacks, serious emotional distress that required hospitalization, ...etc etc etc...
I wrote in big letters; "Are you kidding me??" He got a chuckle out of that and asked "Do you think you're family might be dysfunctional?"

I said "no."

Let us know how your search goes.

So, I called the first name on the list of referral names that Tfella gave me two days ago, and I haven't gotten a call back yet. Guess what that means for that guy?

Next!

Maybe he is out of town or has a completely reasonable explanation. I would ask him about that if he does call you back though and make sure that is not his usual protocol with clients.

(((Wynne)))

I think it is so brave of you to look for a new individual T. I think you should call all 3 of them and talk to them all at least on the phone or maybe for a session or two. I think you have the advantage of knowing something about therapy and how important your T can become to you so don't feel you have to rush into your decision. I had no idea what I was getting into when I started therapy so if I have to get a new T I will approach it differently. There are several sites that will give you sample questions to ask a potential T but I think you have to decide what is important to you.

Good luck

Sorry, this is going to be a pretty much blow-by-blow description of the process, if ya'll don't mind. So I called T2 this afternoon, and he called me back...this afternoon. Said he had openings, set up appt Monday, etc. I was very nervous; I hate talking to strangers on the phone (making or receiving "cold calls", as it's called). He asked me if I had any questions, and I said that I was sure I had them, but couldn't bring them to mind at the time. I know my voice kept going more and more "business" - a kind-of deader, distancing voice during the phone conversation. Funny thing, his voice got more and more engaged or "warm". Part of my was partially amused, and wondered how far that would go (*sardonic grin*). He said to call back if I remembered the questions.

So, that's one. Last person on list's a woman, and I don't know how I feel about seeing a woman T. Reckon I shouldn't discriminate, but the first T I saw about 4 years ago at the U was a woman and... honestly, I barely remember a thing about those 12 sessions. It was all about things that were keeping me from working, and ... well, I work better now, and know how to not put things off so much. End of story, no real connection, etc etc. Weirdness.

I imagine I'll make up a list of questions to ask, but I don't know about calling and setting up meetings with all of them. That'd feel... weird? wrong? like I'd want to tell them I was doing that, and while I don't mind going through them sequentially, going to see them all at once feels a bit odd.


I ramble. Many thanks for listening. I feel a bit out there these days, and I know I'm not engaging as much as I was earlier in the forums or, to be honest, in real life. It's like I'm taking time off from...caring about stuff quite so much. I'm sure it's not a good idea, it's just where I am right now.

quote:

I feel a bit out there these days, and I know I'm not engaging as much as I was earlier in the forums or, to be honest, in real life. It's like I'm taking time off from...caring about stuff quite so much. I'm sure it's not a good idea, it's just where I am right now.

I wonder if there is something in the air? I have felt out of it myself and a lot of stuff has been surfacing in therapy that is leaving me with very little energy or clarity to do much of anything. Just something we work through sometimes I guess, but I thought I'd let you know you have been missed and when I noticed your post the other day it felt really good to hear from you. But it's ok to take a little break from all the _over stimulation_ once in a while. There is a lot of unseen activity going on inside us and we have to give it some room to process. At least that is how I view it.

Anyway, it is always good to hear from you. I enjoy your candor. I hope that you feel better soon and that one of these new T's works out for you. T-1 and T-2, makes me thing of Thing One and Thing Two. I'm a Dr. Seuss nut. (or maybe just a nut)
Anyway, take care!

Wynne,
I think its great that you're discussing the process, I think there's a lot of people who would benefit from seeing how you go about it.

I know I've been very quiet about this thread but I weirdly enough, never had to find a therapist. My husband actually went to my first therapist before I did, then we used her for couples counseling when we got married because we didn't feel like the pre-marital counseling at our church was deep enough considering some of the issues we brought to the table. Our baggage is matching Louis Vitton trunks!

My present therapist was recommended by a friend when my husband was looking for a new therapist, then we started going for couples counseling and as I've mentioned ad infinitum in other posts, I started seeing him for individual counseling.

So I guess I find therapists by sending my husband out to find one. Didn't think that would be much help in this situation.

My best advice, trust your gut.

AG

Here is an awesome post about what therapy is and what it does:

What is therapy? What is a therapist? And how can you tell if they’re any good?

River,
That was amazing! One of the best descriptions of therapy I've ever read, thank you for posting that.

AG

Heh. T1 finally called me back, yesterday. Didn't give any reason for not calling back sooner, was just like, "Uh, you called? about counseling?" He sounded extremely rushed. I was like, "uh, yeah, ...I did." Then he asplained that he was only in his office in my city on Mondays and Tuesday, but perhaps he could fit me in, maybe, this Tuesday? at 3?

I have never had a better example of a bad first vibe on the phone, ever. It was great! I remembered Tfella saying that I should trust my instincts with who to work with, and I pretended to fumble for a calendar and said I was, y'know, in a meeting then. But that I'd get back to him if those days worked for me to see him - which I didn't think they did.

So, lying. But small lies! Besides, would it really have been worth it to say, "Huh! You are odd and off-putting. I don't want to schedule even a first appointment with you." ?

Many thanks to you, River; that post is truly awesome. I hope whoever's running that blog keeps it up! Is niftiness.

JM, thanks, it's nice to take a break sometimes, and nice to come back. Thanks for letting me know.

And AG, Tfella agrees with you on the advice. I think you're both on the same page.

Whew! So I meet T2 tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out what it's going to be like. Other than making me nervous, which is, as folks have probably guessed by now, a very short trip.

Like you suggested, River and JM, I'm using those gobs of online sites. They just many of them ask questions that I'm not sure I'm comfortable asking - like, do I really care where they got their degree? I -am- by nature a bit of an intellectual snob, and I'd really rather that I not start that all up right off the bat. Like, eventually I looked up the school that Tfella went to, and it isn't awesome or premier or even APA-accredited, and yet he was just a fine sorta T for me - we worked, and my U likes him well enough to keep him on, and he co-leads group and teaches at local Us (though not mine, of course).

So, questions I'm actually going to ask:

1. Are you in supervision/get consultation? ("No" makes me nervous.)

2. What 'approach' do you use? (pretty much any rigid answer here will have me heading for the hills, but I can't imagine any approach in particular that would be a problem. I suppose a response like, "I try to help the crazy people" might not work for me.)

3. What's your Ph.D. in? (I know he has one.) Are you a licensed counselor/licensed something, and/or do you have any other degrees/licenses other than your Ph.D.? (I'm expecting a "yes".)

4. Do you have any particular specialization? (seriously, this dude has -zero- web presence, google knows nothing. I would have been scared away if he wasn't a referral by Tfella.)

5. *insert trauma question here* - some useful question like, "um, do trauma often?" Except that, see above, My Issues with Trauma: everybody has it? I want to figure out a question here that absolutely every therapist couldn't answer "yes" to, but that doesn't lock me into the "must get Cognitive Behavioral therapy with EMDR" track. Why? I don't know.

6. How do your clients contact you? (read as: do you -know- what a computer is, 'cause my zero-google-search made me suspicious?) How available are you? (First phone contact indicates good reliability so far, knows how to use or at least retrieve voice mail.)

What else do you think I'm missing?

I didn’t know I should interview my T when I first started seeing her. I remember that she did ask me if I had any questions I wanted to ask her, but I was pretty much satisfied with everything she already disclosed. If I were to start therapy now there are some questions I would definitely ask:

How many years have you been practicing?

Do you regularly seek supervision or consultation?

Are you a trauma specialist? How many on your case load over the years have you helped to over come their trauma issues?

What is your policy on phone calls between sessions and returning phone calls?

Have you successfully worked through your own issues?

What sort of challenges do you feel you face most as a therapist?

What do you like most about being a therapist?

What is your theoretical orientation or counseling style?

Do you have difficulty working with certain types of clients? Why?

Does working with transference make you uncomfortable?

I am sure I could come up with more if I tried real hard. But that's my two cents thus far.
JM

Wow, JM. I like your questions; they're all professional-like. "Have you successfully worked through your own isses" sound -way- better than the version I cooked up in my head, and didn't post. :P

I like asking them about what they like about being a therapist, too, though I imagine that's the sort of question that'd be telling for how they -didn't- answer it as much as for how they did. I'd be shocked if a T gave a quick straight answer to that the first time they met you, if only because the cocktail-hour-version of that question most folks with jobs have down pat wouldn't work with a client setting, I don't think. Fascinating.

Thanks for your questions; I'm taking some of 'em with me tomorrow.