I have been plagued by flashbacks off and on for a long time. After a miserable couple of days I started feeling a little lighter today even more productive around the house and then another one hit me out of nowhere. Well not exactly out of nowhere, there was a trigger. But it just takes me to my knees sometimes. I think sometimes the extremely low, despondent moods are a prelude to flashbacks and subsequent memories.

Oh well, I just thought I'd put that out there thinking that maybe just sharing will feel better. They are interfering and I can't wait to talk to my T about this and see if there is anything I can do. I talked to my T the other night about my depression being so bad and it looks like anti-depressants are in my near future as soon as I can see a Psych she is referring me to. I guess its time and I wonder if they will ease the flashbacks. (I hope) Does anyone know?

JM

Sorry to hear that you are having flashbacks. I know how scary they can be. You need to remind yourself that they are not happening now, that you (or whomever they are about) are safe. (Says the person who has had plenty of her own, and freaked out!) Easier said than done.

About the anti-depressants. It is helping me. It helped to take the edge off the really low times so that I could pull myself a little more together. If you are lucky, the first one you try will work for you. Most people have to try several before they find the right one for them. It will take a few weeks before they really kick in, although you may feel a little dizzy/dopey at first. (that's normal for me!) My first one wasn't the right one for me, but my second one was. For my son, many, many, many tries. If you decide to use one, give it time to do its job.

Good luck and Merry Christmas.

PL

I haven't had any flashbacks - thank goodness because they sound horrible! I've been on antidepressants for at least 5 years and am hoping to be able to get off of them sometime next year. Before I took the meds though I had horrible panic attacks that seemingly would come out of no where and leave be debilitated for at least an hour or so. The antidepressants made it so I basically couldn't have a full blown panic attack (or so I was told... hmmm... placebo effect maybe?) and I haven't had one since - at least not a bad one. Hopefully meds can stop your flashbacks, I guess since they can lift your depression then you'll be less likely to have them? Is that right?

I'm sorry you are having bad flashbacks. I don't have too many of those but I do have some experience with antidepressants. I find they do help regulate my mood. I rarely feel the extreme lows that were normal for me before starting them. I've been taking them for about 16 months and have few side effects. Also, while they say it can take up to 6 weeks to get a therapeutic effect I felt different in 5 days.

good luck

Thank you everyone for the encouragment. I appreciate all of your heartfelt replies and your willingness to share your personal experiences. I have been very reluctant to go back on anti-depressants because of the unpleasant side effects I experienced on them before. I know there is better stuff out there than what I was taking (the pharmaceutical hype of the time prescribed by Any Doctor with a script pad USA) But this sure isn't good either. I can't live like this anymore. This time I will be under the proper care fo a Dr. who knows what they are doing. (I hope)

And HB,
Please don't ever withhold your posts. They are always very thoughtful and valuable. I especially loved your scientific approach which is impossible to argue with. And you say such nice things about me, gosh I'm blushing.

Although I hate to think of others experiencing anything like this, I really appreciate some of the admissions of flashbacks too. Even knowing that they lurk from my past, they are still so disturbing, disruptive and unpredictable. At least I'm not alone.

Insomnia (it's 3:30 Am as I begin typing this), flashbacks, constant headache, shoulder & neck pain, IBS discomfort, depression: What next? What more could go wrong? I've really had enough. Sleeping is often the only relief I feel I can get from my feelings and when I can't sleep it drives me crazy. I feel like I can barely stay awake right now, but all I do is toss and turn in bed with mild flashbacks, nagging thoughts and feelings streaming in my head. I swear I can't get them to stop!

I feel like I'm 80 years old lately and I wonder where that athletic woman disappeared to? I'm not working out and I'm not eating healthy. It's like a viscious cycle. I know what my T would say to that; "What can you do to break the cycle? Pick one thing and change it." I would like to say start working out, but I hurt all the time and it hurts to move. Oh and the weather sucks. You know, a year ago I was brisk walking twice a week even in the depths of snow and piercing wind chills. My friend and I used to walk a hiking trail near her house that provided excellent muscle strengthening and cardio work out. It has been several months since we did that. That's another thing I am doing is isolating myself from my friends. I just can't bear their lack of understanding to my needs. This peticular friend suggested I quit therapy since I am feeling so much worse lately. As if she has forgotten the strides I made because of it. I know she means well, but it is hard to want to spend time with someone who starts every sentence in reply to my statements with the word "BUT." It's exasperating and I've even spoke to her about how that feels and she even seemed to understand. "BUT" it must be such a habit for her because she still does it. *moan*

I am sorry that I am rambling and just complaining. But this is always someplace I feel like I can go to be heard and understood unlike anywhere else.

I just want to sleep tonight. Is that asking too much? One of the meds, an anti-spasmodic I occaissionally take when my IBS is really acting up also has a low dose (5 mg) of Librium. And here I sit knowing I have 4 hours, 43 minutes before I can take another.

One consolation is that I get to see my T in two more days. (Please don't throw things at me) However, I am already dreading the end of my session. There just aren't enough minutes in an hour.

I wish I was someplace on a warm sunny beach listening to the sound of the waves kiss the sandy shoreline. Maybe it's time for an internal retreat. A soothing technique as Shrinklady suggests. Now that I've vented enough maybe I can do that.

JM

I am so sorry you are having such a rough go of things. I have never had flashbacks, but I starated taking anti D's about 6 weeks ago. I am taking Celexa and it is finally working. It has taken away my anxiety, and have given me a generally steady feeling. I shouldn't say feeling as I am not really feeling anything. No highs, no lows, just even.

I hope that helps you a bit.

Sea

Just Me,
I'm really sorry, the only thing that makes all this worse is not being able to get some sleep. The lack of sleep just makes everything else harder and more intense.

I struggle with insomnia also but I do have some hope to offer. Getting on antidepressents did help alot with my sleeping patterns. I have insomnia much less often now. I'm not much help on the flashbacks, I've definitely had them but not to the intensity and frequency you're having them. I don't remember the effect the anti-depressents had on them. The thing that's helped the most with me with flashbacks has been doing the work in therapy, which you're already doing as hard and fast as humanly possible. But they have gotten much better over time and I have them very infrequently now and usually only when I'm in an extremely intense emotional state.

And I'm sorry about your friend, that stuff drives me BONKERS! I learned to keep a mental list of subjects in my head identified by who it was ok to discuss it with. I found different people could handle different things but very few could handle it all. Sucks, but there it is. I'm glad you can come here where we really get it. Please don't ever worry about posting too much or coming here too often, we really do welcome hearing about your feelings and how you're doing. OK? Do I need to get the HTML Slapper out? Hmm, do I?

AG

quote:

I am taking Celexa and it is finally working. It has taken away my anxiety, and have given me a generally steady feeling. I shouldn't say feeling as I am not really feeling anything. No highs, no lows, just even.

I would certainly welcome that Kats. My DR. wrote me a script for Celexa when I initially quit drinking, but being the stubborn goat I am I never had it filled. I might see what the Psyhciatrist my T refers to me has to say, but I will at least mention it to her.

It happens to be an unseasonably beautiful, warm, sunny day today and I decided to take my husky for a walk in the park shortly. I am sure that will do me a world of good and put a dent in that vicious cycle I've been caught up in lately.

I finally got back to sleep around 7:00 this morning and slept until darn near 10:00 when AG's HTML slapper hit me upside the head. Thanks -I needed that.

Thanks for listening folks!
I don't know what I'd do w/o you.

JM,

I hate insomnia. I wish I could tell you something that helps. I was taking an AD this summer that is recommended to help with sleep but it kept me groggy all the time, so I stopped.

I'm glad you were able to get some sleep and I hope you are out walking with your dog in the beautifully sunny day right now!

OW

The little known HTML Slapper Alarm clock accessory!

quote:

The little known HTML Slapper Alarm clock accessory!

You think of everything AG.

quote:

You think of everything AG.

Especially with you around to steal ideas from! (Now if I could just get that friggiin' Time Machine to work! )

Oh I completely forgot, I bought you a "How To Build A Time Machine" manual for Christmas AG! It was written by Doc Brown from Back To The Future. You don't happen to have a Delorian handy do ya?

They're coming on again. I hate them! They are so unpredictable and really throw me for a loop. Last time I talked to my T about what triggers some of them she said I need to ground myself and focus on something in the now that lets me know that was past and has nothing to do with the present. I'm like, that's good advice but I wish it were that easy. I mean I do ground myself shortly after an onset, but that doesn't stop them from happening and feeling the residuals from all the emotions that are tied in with them for several minutes and even hours. I know that is not what she meant though. :/

At my last session she suggested that we target these memories using EMDR, but I told her I didn't feel I was up to it. I guess because of the content I am afraid to go there. But here I am awake at 3:00 in the morning and have been since 1:00 AM. It's really frustrating and interfering with my life. So her words are echoing in my head "Whether you want to go there and process this or not, you are already there. It's already coming at you." I just wanted a break for a while, that's all.