I need some objective opinions on this because I'm at my wit's end. I had my first session today since the "interruption" incident last week. I was hoping T would bring it up first and allay my fears that it would happen again, but he didn't. So I brought it up, reiterated how it made me feel and he just stared at me, saying nothing. I suggested if something like that were to happen again, she (the other T) should call his extension first instead of bursting through the door. He looked at me like I was being unreasonable/ridiculous and again, said nothing. I then said, I would like him to be able to tell me that it won't happen again. He said he would be lying if he told me that, and that he has had to walk in on other people's sessions before too. I asked him why in the world would he would do that and all he would say was, it was an emergency and he couldn't call first. (I wanted details but I guess in the interest of confidentiality he couldn't give them to me, even anonymously)

I understand that emergencies occur, but it still doesn't change the fact that at any time someone can just break into my session and I don't know if I can live with that. I told him if I was in the middle of sharing something traumatic, and someone suddenly came in, I would be shattered. He just said "yeah." I think I needed him to say something more than that, something reassuring, but that didn't happen. I felt like he was blowing me off and making me feel like I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Am I? I would really appreciate some honest feedback from any of you, don't worry about stepping on my toes. Thanks for listening.

WLOH

Hi WLOH,

I'm sorry to hear that you and your T aren't seeing eye-to-eye on this! It feels like crap when that happens. I don't know if this will help but here are my thoughts.

There are two things I would look at. One is that you seem to be running into a boundary. Even though many on this board agree that being barged into during a session would be disruptive, and even though there really are clinics that have policies protecting clients from this (according to some posts on this thread), the clinic you are going to apparently doesn't recognize this as a problem. And your T's response seems to indicate pretty strongly that their policy is non-negotiable. So the chance of changing their policy, or of your T making an exception for you, looks to be about nil. It really sucks not to have this recognized as an issue (because IMO it really is an issue), but it sounds like the only thing you can do at this point is decide whether this is a workable situation for you.

The other thing I would look at is how this is being communicated to you. It is possible to communicate boundary issues in such a way that the relationship is intact or even strengthened as a result, even when the boundary has to stay in place. Of course I'm not there to hear or see your T's facial expressions and other nonverbals, but I get a generally negative feeling from what you are describing. It doesn't sound like your feelings about it are being respected. How it's being communicated is going to affect how safe you feel with him from this point forward. For me that would be just as important, and in some cases even more important, than the boundary issue itself.

So I hope that helps a little...again I'm sorry for the disruption in your relationship with your T. That's such a sucky and painful place to be, and I really feel for you. Keep us posted on what happens, OK?

Hugs,
SG

SG stated everything that I was going to say so well that I won't rehash. I hope you get this resolved in a way that makes you feel safe and positive about T. Keep us posted.

Hi, i have been reading your post about mobile phones, so i thought i would mention something that happened to me recently in a session. Firstly my T came out and asked me if i could wait for 15 minutes as there was an emergency, to which i agreed, she told me she would make up the time. I was getting anxious when 30 minutes had gone by before she called me into her room. I could not concemtrate properly as now i was annoyed my session had been interupted. During that session the phone kept ringing, and i knew i did not have her complete attention, i felt i was just wasting my time being there. Then halfway through our session someone knocked on the door and she went to answer it, to which she was told she had to answer a telephone call in relation to the emergency, she promptly left the room to take the call, the manager of the place she works from told her to take the call. When she got back she tried to continue from where we left off but i was not in the mood to talk much and could not wait for the session to be over. In the next week before my next session i was so angry with her that i felt i had to say something, but that is not easy fo mr to do, usually i just accept it and keep quiet. My Therapy must be working because i went to my next session with guns blazing, and said all i had to say. My T was apologetic and totally understood my point of view, she said she would let the manager know how wrong it was to interfere with my session, to which she said she would. My T also said how i had every right to be angry and that she was not doing her job by dealing with something else in my session. I felt really pleased with myself for saying something and my T was very pleased i spoke up about it. It is very unprofessional and should not affect anyone's session.
So if you can speak up, is is also a way of helping yourself too.

Hi WLOH,

So sorry you're still struggling, and that your T isn't validating your concerns here. What bothers me is that YOU are the paying customer, it's not like they are paying you for your services and are entitled to do whatever they want to do. They should be more professional and respectful of your needs. My T had another T knock on her door during one of my sessions to borrow some EMDR equipment (I mentioned this in a previous post above), and my T apologized for the interruption, and although it interrupted the entire session (which was also interrupted by a phone call!), I appreciated that my T was sensitive to the fact that it was distracting and that she would apologize for someone else. It made my feelings seem important. YOUR T on the other hand is acting like he doesn't see your feelings as being that big a deal, and that's what is bothering me (and you too, from what I'm sensing, and rightly so!). I would agree with all the posters above. You're going to have to really confront your T about this, and from there decide whether you can deal with the answer or not. Tough situation, WLOH, but it's apparently not going away and if it's bothering you as much as it seems to be, it's worth tackling until you get a real resolution with your T that you know is concrete. Good luck to you!

MTF

So I just listened to the recording of the session. Sometimes I can quickly forget things so I like to re-listen. There really isn't a solution to this situation. I brought it up to him repeatedly, forcefully (which is very difficult for me) and clearly he doesn't take my concerns seriously and/or isn't able to do anything about it anyway. I guess for now I'll continue to see him and just see how things go, see if I'm able to open up with the looming threat of interruption (though I consider it to be a breach of confidentiality quite frankly.) I don't really know what else I can do at this point.

Thanks to all of you for responding, and welcome Eve!

WLOH,
Yuck. Sorry you are having to deal with this difficult situation. I have read that there are so many things about your T that you love. It must feel really hard to be hit with this seemingly non-negotiable obstacle. And on top of that, for him to meet your feelings (from what you described) with a severe lack of empathy must feel really awful. I'm so sorry.
As usual, I don't have any words of wisdom, but want you to know that you're not alone. I really hope you can get through this with him without disregarding your needs. Your feelings about this are valid and important.

Hi WLOH,
Wow, this is really frustrating.... I think SG put it beautifully above about the boundaries thing. I have had a sort-of-similar boundary frustration with my T and her practice on a couple of issues. One is that you can't book a regular slot. I know lots of Ts believe that constancy of appointment time is really important, but that's just not the way they do it. You book each week, and if you want to be sure of getting that slot in weeks ahead, you have to specifically ask to book each date. So there's never any such thing as 'my' time, and I don't like that. But it's just the way they do it, no explanation offered, and and no negotiation.

I was thinking about this and your situation - it feels kinda similar because of their attitude about it, that it's just something you have to live with.

But you know, to me this is on a different level because of the confidentiality thing. Confidentiality seems pretty universally regarded as one of THE first priorities in the contract (written or unwritten) of what a therapist is offering a client. Incidentally, do you have a contract or agreement? I signed one at the beginning which lays out mine and the T's rights and obligations. Confidentiality was right up front.

If you do have this kind of agreement, that might help you to get them to take the issue more seriously. I would consider contacting the practice manager about it too, if your T doesn't seem willing or able to do something about it. That would probably change the feeling of your relationship with your T, though, but perhaps it's something you could talk through.

Ultimately, I agree with SG that as they're not coming to the party, you will have to decide whether it's something you can live with or not. But what an awful thing to have to take on and deal with yourself - I really believe they SHOULD be taking care of this for you. Let us know how it goes.

Eve, welcome to you! Nice to see another new poster, and I hope we get to see more of you. The situation with waiting and *then* being interrupted would have driven me crazy - I'm sorry you lost a session like that, but it's so great to hear that bringing it up with her the next week was so successful. Good for you - you're quite right about speaking up - it feels really powerful.

Jones

quote:

Originally posted by starfish:
echo

I would find that really annoying too. Has he not heard of a clock!! OMG that must be the only T wthout a clock - I know there have been so many clock posts here....at one stage my T had 2 (next to the plant and the tissues!), I was never sure if one was for my benefit and one was for hers

starfish

Ha! Starfish, my T has 2 clock too. One is for her use, sits on the table next to me (so easy to look at while looking at me). The other is big and hanging on the wall. It's for me as it doesn't face her AND it's set 5 minutes fast. I guess so if people think they're close to going over there's still a teeny buffer. Sly...

Funny that this topic came up again. My T has been leaving her mobile phone turned on during sessions ever since the weekend that I called her and she didn't hear her phone. She is worried now that she will miss a call so she leaves it on. I understand that and have unique appreciation for that since I was the one whose very upset phone call was missed, but it scares the crap out of me when it goes off! It makes me startle so badly that it is really hard to pick back up where I was.

Last week, she forgot to turn off her office phone (she always turns it off) and it rang. Same deal, startled the heck out of me. Then later at the very end her cell went off and again startled me. It is pretty rare so I deal with it and she never actually answers it, but it does disrupt the flow.

My T's cell goes off on occasion. I usually pretend it doesn't bother me, and for the most part I guess having it ring annoys me slightly but not terribly since she never answers it.

So then I wonder who was calling? Because she NEVER answers. Bill collector? Mother? Friend? Another Client?

It's made me realize that she will not answer it if it were my call either. Which I'm not sure how I feel about it.

When I call her I do purposefully time it around 57 min into the hour. Thinking maybe she'll answer. But if it is an emergency and I call at (let's say) 3:34 but she doesn't answer because she's with a client. And then what if, that client is having a hard time, goes over on time, she doesn't get to call me back between sessions cause the next person would be made to wait, so then that's another hour of me lying in misery. Ouch...

But then again, if I'm in session I would not want her answering an emergency call instead of listening to me, fully aware that that person could be wallowing in misery.

How selfish am I?

i HATE them, T1 had 'it' happen alot, and at $2 a minute, i really wanted to deduct all of it off my tab...'course never did...too chicken. and i know i would feel 'too rude' to do that to him, even with me BEING the patient...that is how 'askew' i am off normal. glad to hear i am not the only one who it bugs....and that t's let it happen.

Old thread, but thought I would resurrect it.

T1's cell phone went off recently when I was on the phone with her (she has a land line that I call). It was strange because all of the sudden I heard crickets chirping and was like, "Wait...where are you? it sounds like you are outside but I am talking to you on your landline so I know that's not possible" and she laughed and said she was sorry, that it was her cell phone ringing. That particular session was on a Friday, it was a second session for me that week and she doesn't normally meet with clients on Fridays so she hadn't turned her phone ringer off. That made sense. but I wouldn't like that if it happened regularly.

T2's phone rings sometimes but it is in another room so it is not too distracting.

In the beginning of this thread some people mentioned that their Ts read text messages or even answer their phone during a session. That would be grounds for firing them as a T as far as I'm concerned. They can check their texts and voicemails in between sessions. In the extreme situation where they might need to take a phone call from a suicidal client, I would be understanding but to sit there and read texts from other clients during a session is very unprofessional.

I have to agree with LadyGrey on this topic. I've had my session held up for a noticeable amount of time only once, and that was due to what I truly believe was a client that my therapist (and a P working in the same office) thought was in immediate danger/crisis. I have seen my T weekly for a couple of years now, and her phone has never gone off in session, and she certainly does not take text messages. Now, she has also never offered to let me call/text/e-mail her, so perhaps it is a trade-off. I appreciate this being presented as a boundary issues. If I had a T attending to texts or calls (outside of emergencies) during session, I would move on. I am too sensitive to that sort of thing to be able to get work done during session with that going on.

My T does allow texts, phone calls to her cell, and emails, but she also can take a considerable amount of time to reply. Sometimes she replies within a few minutes. Other times it may be 7 hours later. She welcomes the texts and encourages me to send them to keep her updated on my crazy life so that we don't have to spend the entire next session going over all that has happened but can focus more on processing.

I don't mind that she can take a long time to reply to a text. it can be difficult waiting and waiting and checking my phone repeatedly, but ultimately I think it is a good lesson for me to learn to be patient. To learn that people do care and will still be there for me even if they are busy. I used to freak out when my exhusband didn't text me back for hours. He would tell me that he was busy and that was understandable, he was a business owner after all. But I would totally go into a panic and it would ruin my entire day. So now with T....when she takes a while to text back, its like an exercise in patience and faith for me.