Hi all; I did a search for this subject and couldn't find anything so I figured I'd start a new thread. If this topic has been covered before please let me know.

Have any of you experienced your T/P's cell phone going off during sessions? My therapist's cell rings almost EVERY session and I can't stand it. He doesn't answer it, just looks at it, tells me it's his mom (like I care who it is) and then puts it down.

I almost wish eh would answer it and take care of whatever the problem is--because I feel after that moment of not answering, he's no longer listening/hearing what I have to say because he's wondering what the call was about.

I confronted him about this today (after his phone went off yet again) saying I wondered why his cell was always on and he didn't answer me, so I said I'd have to assume he needed to be available in case of emergency. He said "yep" and that was it. So there's an emergency EVERY TIME we have a session?? I try to be sympathetic/empathetic to whatever may be going on in his home life, but I don't have to like it, and it just seems...rude. I'm paying to be there, after all.

I think I'm mostly venting here but I was just wondering what everyone else thinks. Thanks.

I am really with you here!

My current T is very mindful of this, but it has happened maybe 2-3 times in 2 years. My previous T was not as good about remembering to turn it off, and it happened several times. She even answered it on 2 occasions - once she said because they called twice, and the other was a family issue. GGRRR!

It is VERY irritating because it definitely disrupts the flow! I can see why you would be irritated by your T intentionally leaving his phone on. You ARE paying him - and not for him to be thinking about his phone and who is calling him. He is supposed to be with you completely.

Sorry for the displaced anger - finding it easier to rage at your T than my own at the moment - not fair.

I think that is absolutely awful. My first couple of sessions with my T, a little alarm/ringtone went off, and I assumed he was getting a call. It kind of annoyed me. Then I realized that it always goes off 5 minutes before time is up. So I asked about it, because it stressed me out and was distracting for me. He said it was just a reminder to HIM to keep on time, but then he disabled it and it didn't go off again in my sessions.

I would definitely say something to your T about this. Any chance it is a timer and not a call he's getting?

My T's cell phone used to ring every once in a while and it derails my train of thought. I didn't mind it before he got a secretary but now there's no reason why his cell phone needs to be on (and I think he does shut it off now). If it's an emergency, his secretary could come in and get him. ~D.

echo

I would find that really annoying too. Has he not heard of a clock!! OMG that must be the only T wthout a clock - I know there have been so many clock posts here....at one stage my T had 2 (next to the plant and the tissues!), I was never sure if one was for my benefit and one was for hers

starfish

This question totally cracked me up because my first T didn't even have a phone in the office where I met with her. She kept the phone in another office with a message machine so there was NO possibility of a phone ringing.

I remember how totally shocked I was when my present T ANSWERED a call in the middle of a session. It's happened a few times, but they are always very brief phone calls. He will also sometimes glance at his pager. It was irksome in the beginning but I also know that my T has a very generous contact policy, and takes emergency calls and emails 24/7, even on vacations (although he does have another T who covers when he's on vacation in case he can't return the call). But in order to handle that you call his service and leave a message and then they page him so he can return the call when convenient. He's always been very careful to let me know when it might take longer for him to get back to me if he's away but when he's in the office or home, he almost always gets back to you in less than an hour. So when he gets pages, it's easier to tolerate them because I know sometimes that pager is going off on other patients when it's me, so I figure I should be understanding. We have discussed it and he was able to hear me about it and now it honestly doesn't bother me anymore. I just stop until he's done looking at his pager or phone, he apologizes when he's done and we pick it back up.

Don't get me wrong though, I can understand where it's really jarring and could be intolerable for a lot of people. There are a lot of therapists who would be horrified at the behavior also. And the alarm clock thing WOULD drive me bonkers!

AG

Thanks to all of you for replies.

@ echo & starfish--it's definitely not a timer because it doesn't happen the same time each session and--he has two clocks, both of which I watch like a hawk,(which he knows I do) because I dont want to get into anything too deep 5 minutes before end of session and have to break mid-sentence and sobbing. Also there is a secretary who has broken in on our sessions (via the office phone) when there was an actual emergency.

@ seablue--please feel free to rage on my therapist, I like to have company in my anger, lol.

I talked to DH about this and he gave me some ideas on how to re-address this next session. (now I just need to get up the courage to do so.) I'm just so glad I found this forum so I can get honest feedback from you all that have been in my place. We'll see what happens on Tuesday!
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Hi WhatsLeftofHim, I don't think we've "met" but I've read a few of your posts and am happy you are here. I hope you don't mind me adding a few comments, some slightly divergent, on this thread.

My T usually has her phone (wireless) turned to vibrate, but it still goes off nearly every session. However, only twice has she actually answered a phone call - both times to her husband. One of those times she warned me in advance that he would be calling and she needed to talk very briefly to him. The other time she answered was when our session had run overtime, so I felt I didn't really "own" the time anyway. I definitely agree though that it would come across as rude if it were a common occurrence.

My small annoyance with my T is not with calls but with texts. She never texts back during session, but she sometimes reads them. It didn't used to bother me until recently (story to follow).It is a jealousy thing, because although I hold back from texting my T as often as I wish to, I now know that other clients DON'T hold back, so it feels like they are stealing my T's attention away from me. Yes, that is the 2-yr-old coming out in me!

So last Monday I had just sat down for a session and had asked my T how she was doing (before she could ask me ) and her phone vibrated. And she SIGHED. I commented that it was a big sigh! And so for emphasis she SIGHED again and said, "That's 3 more texts. That makes 60 so far today." I said, "You mean you have 60 texts you still have to answer?" She said, "Well, I got down to only 5 last night, but yes, now I'm back up to 60." And I was blown away because it was still morning! A Monday morning, yes, but still... so I'm wondering how many texts the poor woman typically gets in a day?

At that point I was feeling guilty for any texts I had ever sent her that may have added to her burden, but I said, "Well, I was pretty good over the weekend because I only texted you once, and I even stated in the text that you didn't need to reply, although you did anyway."

Here is what I wrote to her: "I believe I am doing better. I just wanted to share it with you. And its okay if you don't write back this time. Have a great Friday."

What she wrote back to me was: "Thanks. You too."

So then get this, she said, "Are you talking about the text that was all in funny symbols and characters?" Apparently my text to her had been scrambled and, unknown to me, was received on her end like Greek characters, so she had never read my actual message. But she said, "I didn't know if you were just being funny or what, but I couldn't read it. So I just sent some generic reply and hoped it worked."

So what she wrote kind of fit, for not knowing what she was answering. But her confession really bothered me because her text reply was neither honest nor meaningful. I know I am being oversensitive, but it has shaken me. I can't help expanding this to our therapeutic relationship in general; I wonder if maybe our our relationship is phony just like that text? I guess I should overlook it because she probably had good intentions, right? But the effect it has had on me, combined with the knowledge that she is overburdened with texts, is that although I have re-programmed my phone to fix the scrambling issue, I can no longer contact her in good faith.

Hi WhatsLeftOfHim! Nice to 'meet' you! Welcome to the boards. I think you've already found this place to be wonderfully helpful, and it's great to see you asking questions!

My T has several things going off in her office. She works in a hospital outpatient psychology clinic, so she has to answer the office phone she has when it rings in case it's the hospital (E.R. if she's on call), sometimes it's a patient she's given her office number to (gee they must be special!). It rarely rings though, and if it does, the calls are pretty brief. It bugs me though because it disrupts the flow, and last time I was in the middle of a major emotional issue and it really upset me because it rang right when she has asked me something important and then when she hung up she came back and had forgot what she had asked. She also has a pager she wears, although that has never gone off when I've been in session. She also has some little beeper thing that goes off when time is about up. It goes off when the next patient arrives so that she knows she needs to be done. It gets really distracting to me, but she usually keeps talking
through it or grabs it off her desk behind her and just pushes the buttons on it while she is talking and sets it back on her desk and then it goes off again 30 seconds later. Once, she was having a bad day because her mother had just died the week before and it was her first day back to work (the funeral hadn't even taken place yet) and when it went off the 3rd time she got really irritated and said, "Sometimes I wish that thing would just shut the he** up!!" Then she said, "I'm sorry" because she realized she shouldn't have gotten upset and let her emotions into the room, but it WAS distracting to our conversation. It would be nice if things like phones, cell phones, pagers, beepers, timers, etc. were banned from the therapy room, wouldn't it? Sorry you're being interrupted by your T's cell phone. I think you should let him know that it's bothering you because unless he HAS to have it there (which it doesn't seem like he does), he shouldn't. You are paying for his time, and it should by yours alone.



MH,

I don't think your T's text to you was phony, although she could have been better at communicating with you and asked you if you were being funny. She could have told you that she couldn't read your text. However, the way I am seeing it is that she could have simply said something like, "Well, you're just as important to me as all my other clients, so of course I replied." or something like that, but instead she was honest and told you the truth; she couldn't read it, didn't know whether you were joking around with her, and because she has a LOT of texts to answer apparently, she sent a generic answer and "hoped it worked". Yes, she had good intentions, and yes she is overburdened with texts. (Be glad you can text her. My T doesn't text. No emails. I don't have her cell phone number (although some patients do, and she thought I did, but still didn't give it to me when I told her I don't have it) and the only way to get her on the phone is by leaving a voice message and waiting for her to return the call.) But I DO NOT think that your relationship with her is phony in the least. She cares about you, MH. Your fear is playing tricks on you. Mine does it all the time, that's how I know these things! Please don't lose your faith about being able to trust that you can contact her and that she will respond to you genuinely. I'm sure she's giving you her best, she just couldn't figure out what all the scrambled up stuff was about. She's human. Sometimes we forget that; at least I know I do.

MTF

MY T doesn't leave her phone on or get calls but I've occasionally left MINE on and had my mum ringing up for a cosy chat 'Oh why can't you talk now? Where are you then dear?'
Now I put myself a note with my journal to switch the phone off before I drive to see my T!

starfish

My P has his phone with him all the time. The only time it rings in is if he is getting an urgent call. He does listen to the message since it is urgent and calls the person right back if necessary right then. He will add on time at the end of session if the call turns out to be extended. I don't really mind all of this because I too have placed urgent calls to him and he has always replied promptly, which I have appreciated. It doesn't happen that often.

MH,
I think that would have been troublesome for me too. I would talk to your T about it.
My P doesn't text, email or anything else except phone calls. I have to call and leave a message and he returns calls by the next business day. If it is urgent you can "press 9" and he will get an urgent notice and call you right back. Would love if he did emails.

emogirl

Just a short comment or two---

I have to say I'm a bit envious of those of you who have your therapist's cell number; mine won't even give me his e-mail address let alone his cell...and I think I'd be devastated if I knew he gave them to his other patients.

He pretty much discourages even calling the office, which stinks, since I'd much rather hear "Call me if you need to" or something along those lines.

MTF--

...the situation you described would be a nightmare for me! I can see why it would be so frustrating/angering to you. As to whether he really needs to have the phone on, and me talking to him about it...therein lies another problem. I don't like knowing about his personal life. I already feel he has revealed too much, and told him so, so he's stopped doing that. I think if I probe into this more he may tell me something awful that will make me feel guilty, i.e. "My mother has dementia and calls me repeatedly as a result."

I think I'd have to crawl under a chair and cover myself with the blanket if it was something like that.

quote:

Originally posted by starfish:
echo

I would find that really annoying too. Has he not heard of a clock!! OMG that must be the only T wthout a clock - I know there have been so many clock posts here....at one stage my T had 2 (next to the plant and the tissues!), I was never sure if one was for my benefit and one was for hers

starfish

Oh, yes, there were clocks! Two small clocks on the small table between our chairs. One facing him and one facing me. I felt like I was on a gameshow sometimes, trying to beat that damn clock.

And there wasn't just the one alarm, there were two. One was his phone or computer (never figured out exactly where the beeping came from), and then 5 minutes later his watch would beep. It completely stressed me out and made me feel like I was always on the verge of taking up too much time, especially since at the beginning I wasn't even sure how long the session was supposed to be - 45 min? 50 min? 55 min? Then those damn alarms would start going off and I'd look at the clock and start fidgeting... He seemed really surprised when we finally talked about it. He seemed to think that I have some big hang-up about time. Uh.. what?? Who's got two clocks and two alarms going off??!!

MH - That whole text message disclosure was out of line on her part. You do NOT need to be worrying about her busy schedule and all her needy clients texting her too much, and worrying that you text too much. (And I use the word "needy" jokingly, since I know we all hate to be seen as needy.)

Oh echo - that's so awful it's almost funny. 2 clocks and 2 alarms that must be the record for this site. And him being surprised when you brought it up ... I think I might guess who really has the hang-up! I might be tempted to ask if there was a snooze feature on any of the alarms to give you a bit more time

And echo I wholeheartedly agree with your wise words to MH. She definitely does not need to be worrying about her Ts rather enormous volume of texts nor feeling guilty about adding to them if that's what has been agreed in the contact clause. Oh my, 60 texts in one morning - now that's one busy T!

starfish

My T has warned me once that her cell phone might go off, but it never did. Her phone went off one time and she said it was her daughter calling and she was very apologetic. She normally does not have it on and I have never heard it. Her office phone is always set to voice mail during session. I always put my phone on silence during session as well. I would hate to be jolted right out of an important moment by the phone ringing no matter whose it is.