Hi everyone,

I've been hanging out at this new site - LiveStrong.com - and came across this really good article and thought about those here who ask about attachment.

This is probably the best article i've came across that explains psychoanalytical concepts in detail without the jargon and labels.

It also might help give some an idea as to why psychoanalytical/dynamic therapy is so painful. In that type of intense relational psychotherapy, the therapist maintains psychological boundaries (neutrality/
'detachment') in the relationship to help develop or strengthen yours-which leads to the development of a healthy sense of self. This is one of the primary goals of analytic therapy.

Imo, much of the discomfort and intense affect happens when the therapist doesn't 'play into' the stuff described here (for lack of a better term). When the therapist is neutral/detached, the patient cannot relate to the other as she is accustomed to (much could be unconscious) and has to find a new sense of self. In doing so, you feel emotions you've never felt before, and have to learn how to manage them.

The patient's therapist must be her guide, but it comes down to what the patient decides to do. The therapist can't do it for the patient, but must offer empathetic support and have attunement to help the patient gain the insights needed to make the changes and progress.

The word 'detached' might throw you off, but imo, it means a healthy attachment that would result from a healthy sense of self.

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.


Read more:

Developing Detachment

Don't read this if you don't like psychology jargon.

I forgot to mention, the main difference i've noticed between psychoanalytic and other therapies is addressing defense mechanisms (things our brain unconsciously does to distort reality).

Defense Mechanisms

I do believe its the relationship in therapy that promotes healing, but imo, it's also necessary to break down the unhealthy defenses (Levels 1 - III) and replace them with healthy defenses (Level IV) to develop a healthy sense of self. A patient has to have a reality base be in an effective relationship to begin with. And replacing the unhealthy defenses with heatlhy ones can take loooooong...it happens, in part, by letting yourself feel the here and now emotions in the relationship/transference relationship and processing those feelings over and over with the help of your T.

This is the other reason for intense affect in this type of therapy, and why some people get worse before getting better. It seems best for a therapist to do this subtley and gradually. If these defenses are challenged too quickly or abruptly, a patient can have major problems with emotional regulation. I've experienced both. Patients can quit if defenses are challenged to harshly.

I actually thought this was a very interesting part of my therapy,despite insense emotional affect while this was happening. And when my lower level defense were being challenged, i adopted intellectualization to cope. This is a higher level one, so i was (and still am as i still find myself doing it) ok with it.

Some therapists, i've noticed, slowly challenge these from the beginning; others wait until a strong relationship bond has been developed. A lot depends on the patient, such as being fragile when entering therapy, how many lower-level defenses the patient uses in relation to healthy defenses, and so forth.

Level 1 Defence Mechanisms
•Denial
•Distortion
•Delusional Projection

Level 2 Defence Mechanisms
•Fantasy
•Projection
•Hypochondriasis
•Passive aggression
•Acting out
•Idealization

Level 3 Defence Mechanisms
•Displacement
•Dissociation
•Isolation
•Intellectualization
•Reaction Formation
•Repression
•Rationalization

Level 4 Defence Mechanisms
•Altruism
•Humor
•Identification
•Introjection
•Sublimation
•Suppression

There's actually a lot more and of course other ways to classify and think about them.

You're welcome, FOT.

It really struck me when I stumbled on that and saw the word DETACHMENT associated with those concepts...thought-I have to post that on the forum!!

Yeah, i don't think your experience is uncommon. That is one reason i think a psychoanalyst is best for those with deeply-rooted issues...though there are analysts who also don't have a healthy sense of self, didn't fully work thru their stuff. Sorry you went through that, but i'm glad to see you are so insightful as to what was going on. The more knowledge, the more power over yourself.

Thanks for posting about the book. That's a good point-the defenses with abrupt terminations.

I think it must be so difficult for a T to address defenses, because each and every patient is so different. My T addressed things right from session 2. Such as my idealization of him. He addressed them very subtley though, and perhaps because i had good 'ego strength' (as he had told me this from the beginning).

Nice chatting with you today, FOT.


Removed personal information.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: xoxo,

Thanks UV. Interesting material to read. Though not new it's nice to see it all explained nicely in one place. No big surprise that as someone with DID I have parts that range within all 4 of those levels. Typically when parts that function more at Level 1 and 2 are out then the parts step in that tend to be more toward level 3 and even 4. I do notice that I've been using more of Level 4 defenses over time which I guess is a good thing.

The word "detached" often has a negative connotation at first read, but I can see clearly the application for both the T and the client in that list and in relationships in every day life.

I made a mistake here, don't want to be misleading:

quote:

defense mechanisms (things our brain unconsciously does to distort reality).

Not all the defenses distort reality. It's all on the link, but just wanted to acknowledge the error.

quote:

I'm still trying to understand what it is that makes me feel as if I lost part of myself in the process, even after the knowledge that old P was sanctioned and lost his license.

It's normal to lose your sense of self while developing a healthy sense of self....with this type of therapy. Maybe your T did some things right, after all? Maybe not...

quote:

Knowledge just doesn't erase feelings, unfortunately.

That's true.

quote:

It's taken nearly 3 years, post-termination, several Ts and Ps, to gain this insight!

I don't think 3 years would be bad for me, considering I had therapists and psyhiatrists for 10 years who, looking back, were clueless about my issues. I didn't know how ineffective non-analytical therapists could be for some of us with deeply rooted issues.



Had to remove personal information.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: xoxo,

Hi UV,

Thanks for the links. I really liked the article on Detachment (haven't read the defense mechnism one yet (although looking at the list, I have used ALL of them at one time or another.) It's funny, I wouldn't have put those principles under the heading Detachment but under "Healthy Boundaries." So I really liked this as it put in place the meaning of detachment as interacting with client in a healthy manner, rather than the connotation of "hey, I don't care" which is how we often think of detachment in everyday situations. My T very much modeled so much of what was in the article, so I have an example of seeing someone behave this way while still displaying a great deal of compassion and care.

Some of it made for uncomfortable reading as I still have work to do around boundaries. The one thing that I did realize while reflecting on it, was that it felt very cut and dried for me. Which obviously since the author was trying to describe something, made a lot of sense. But I think that for most people, these can be challenging skills to learn. Even more so, for someone who has never seen this kind of healthy relating modeled. So I think I came away with the feeling of it not being so cut and dried, that it can be a lot of struggle and hard work to learn how to relate this way. But I think that was the point you were making about how we have to go over how we're feeling again and again with our Ts in order to learn these things. And for us to see that how our Ts is treating us is in fact healthy.

My T and I often talked about the things that he did that were most painful for me, were painful because they left me alone with MY feelings. Which wasn't always the most pleasant place to be.

Thanks for posting it, it's definitely food for thought. And as STRM said, it was good to see it all summarized in one place.

AG

I just realized I typed wrong. What I meant to say was that when parts are out that function at a Level 1 or 2 then it ends up triggering parts that function at 3 and 4 to step in and take over to improve the situation and functioning.

quote:

I wouldn't have put those principles under the heading Detachment but under "Healthy Boundaries."

I can relate to that. Maybe the article was written with "co-dependency" in mind, i don't know..but thinking of it in terms of detaching might be useful to someone dealing with CoD.

Yes i agree it's not as cut and dried as this, and that it also has to be concrete to some degree to be able to articulate such abstract concepts.

And that it takes a long, long time. I find my Ts modeling to be helpful too.

Free on Thursday's, if you're still around (or free this Thursday, i came across an article that may (or may not) be helpful to understand what happended with the P who harmed you. it's also related to psychological boundaries / sense of self / healthy attachment. It also gives the reader an idea about why so much pain is experienced in thereapy-ie. when the T doesn't give in to patient desires...

Maintaining Boundaries in Psychotherapy: Covert Narcissistic Personality Characterists and Psychotherapists

I think this is a high-quality article.I know intelluctual understanding isn't enough, but i do hope this information helps you.

Take care,
UV

Lots of food for thought there, UV- thanks for the article. I found it fascinating...

UV! Thanks so much for posting these articles and comments (pity you had to edit though), you are always a fund of interesting and relevant info. Hope you are keeping well.

LL

p.s. Beebs, saved you from page 2 PAD

haha, thanks for taking the bullet there for me, LL!

UV,

This article comes at a very appropriate time for me and has given me much food for thought. Thanks!