hey AG!

Thanks for the great reply. I get sick, too. I get these awful head colds that linger and linger. I get them about twice a year. Never got them before a few years ago. This is not a coincidence.

So I was chatting with my parents today and they were filling me in on some family stuff.

My brother in-law, Paul, has been dealing with terrible back pain for a couple of months now. MRI shows nothing and the doctors are baffled as to why he's not getting better.

Paul is a (recently) recovering alcoholic who is really struggling with that, and the day his back "went out" just happened to be the same day his second and last son went off to college, making he and my sister officially empty nesters.

I heard this and said, "Paul needs to really find a good therapist, not another orthopedist." I mean, if that's not proof that the body is always right, I don't know what is.

For me, my mind has moved on from chronic low back pain and stomach problems to the symptoms I have now, as if it's saying, "ok, I didn't get your attention before, so I'm strapping you with something that will." I sometimes forget that the brain is part of the body, too.

Great to hear from you.
Russ

Hi Russ! It's good to "meet" you.

On the subject, a good friend of mine likes to say "Your issues are in your tissues."

I get headaches and stomachaches so often that I have economy-sized bottles of antacids and ibuprofen at work, in each car, at home, and in my purse. Hopefully one of the things I will learn in therapy, eventually, is how to live/think/feel so that I don't need them anymore.

Thanks for reviving the topic!
SG

Hi SG,

Thanks for the wonderful quote from your friend. I have no doubt he/she is correct.

I am at work now and the wretched fog is raging in the front of my head. This thing is so physical it's amazing. Just trying to get through the day and to my T tonight. I have ZERO interest in work today.

I spent the weekend trying really hard to look at my inner life, taking four pages worth of notes about my visit with my parents, my dreams and other things, battling through the fog and hoping to get my appetite back. It's always a bad sign when I lose my appetite.

I even decided, for some reason, to Google one of my childhood bullies and I found him on Facebook. His FB photo looks like it's from the exact age that I new him, around 9 or 10. My reaction to seeing this was a combination of bewilderment and anger. I think this was also an act of desperation, figuring that in order to get better, I need to go back through ALL of the most painful events of my life, including the bullying, which was in fact terribly painful. This particular kid started out being a "friend" but then turned around and started spreading awful rumors about me in a very cruel way. I've never really dealt with this issue head on.

Wow, this was way more than I intended on writing.

Anyway, thanks to you, and everyone here, for listening.

Russ

Hi Russ-
Nice to meet you.
Entering into those fuzzy long ago dark places can be tough, but I just felt the urge to tell you that working through the pain is sooo worth it. The growth is liberating, and the baggage we leave behind is not missed. Just remember as you deal with your memories, those people are not here, they can no longer hurt you. Going back is necessary and it will free you from the past. An attuned therapist is worth a million bucks. Choose wisely. This site has great info on just how to do that.
I wish you well on your journey. ...and remember AG's quote at the end of her writings- that has helped me too.

Oh you already have a good therapist- I wish you well on your journey.

Thanks, helle.

Yes, I have an excellent therapist. After an intense sessions last night, where I pretty much sobbed for 50 minutes, I'm feeling slightly better today.

My T tried to get across the point that my symptoms - the fog, the wretchedness, depression, whatever you wanna call it - isn't just something indicative of some chemical imbalance, or some crossed wires somewhere in my brain. He said the fog is "a communication, it's meaning itself, even if we don't know exactly what that is yet, although a large part of it is anger and anxiety. It's not something to be hated, despite how painful it is. It's a feeling state that's just as valid and meaningful as sadness or joy."

Of course, that's easy for someone who isn't experiencing it to say, but I do think what he says has a lot of validity.

Here's a quote that I read on the website of a woman who has chronicled her own struggles. I think this is what my T was getting at last night:

quote:

Throughout the years I simply wanted to know why I was suffering. Many people gave me techniques that they thought would help me, but ultimately it was never the technique that made any difference. Rather the technique often seemed to deny the legitimacy and the meaning of that suffering, or relegate it to the biological or the genetic. To label my suffering or to place it within a prescribed format, never solved anything for me.

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes.
Russ

quote:

Throughout the years I simply wanted to know why I was suffering. Many people gave me techniques that they thought would help me, but ultimately it was never the technique that made any difference. Rather the technique often seemed to deny the legitimacy and the meaning of that suffering, or relegate it to the biological or the genetic. To label my suffering or to place it within a prescribed format, never solved anything for me.

Dear Russ,
Your quote made me cry- I am sitting here crying and I don't know why- other than I guess it resonates deeply with me as well.
It sounds like you have a very wise T. ... and I will write more later. this quote has triggered something- I don't yet know what, perhaps a sadness??? An explanation for my aloneness???
Anyway- all the best on your journey. Good or bad- the journey is what leads to revelations- that is why I stick with it especially in the hard times.

I learned that going towards someone when I was in pain led only to more pain, so of course I came to believe that pain was integral to love.

But it isn't. Love is the answer to pain.[QUOTE]Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
Hi AG,
Thanks for this quote- this is what I am chewing on with my T. I need to learn how to bridge this gap. This clarifies stuff I need to know. Your words are often powerful for me.

quote:

Originally posted by helle:

quote:

Throughout the years I simply wanted to know why I was suffering. Many people gave me techniques that they thought would help me, but ultimately it was never the technique that made any difference. Rather the technique often seemed to deny the legitimacy and the meaning of that suffering, or relegate it to the biological or the genetic. To label my suffering or to place it within a prescribed format, never solved anything for me.

Dear Russ,
Your quote made me cry- I am sitting here crying and I don't know why- other than I guess it resonates deeply with me as well.
It sounds like you have a very wise T. ... and I will write more later. this quote has triggered something- I don't yet know what, perhaps a sadness??? An explanation for my aloneness???
Anyway- all the best on your journey. Good or bad- the journey is what leads to revelations- that is why I stick with it especially in the hard times.

helle,

I'm so sorry that quote triggered you! I hope you're OK!

That woman's story really resonates with me in terms of understanding suffering as something other than some evil thing that needs to be destroyed by any means necessary. So many times I've just sat there and said, "why is this happening? what is wrong with me? when will this nightmare end?" etc, etc. So it was nice to read a different view on it. Not that it makes any of it any easier, of course.

When you say that you're crying and you don't know why, I totally relate to this. Often when I cry, it's not so much out of sadness but out of a kind of a deep poignancy, or some kind of bitter sweetness. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, I sure hope you're OK.

Russ

quote:

Originally posted by Russ:
Dear Russ,
Your quote made me cry- I am sitting here crying and I don't know why- other than I guess it resonates deeply with me as well.
It sounds like you have a very wise T. ... and I will write more later. this quote has triggered something- I don't yet know what, perhaps a sadness??? An explanation for my aloneness???
Anyway- all the best on your journey. Good or bad- the journey is what leads to revelations- that is why I stick with it especially in the hard times.

helle,

I'm so sorry that quote triggered you! I hope you're OK!

That woman's story really resonates with me in terms of understanding suffering as something other than some evil thing that needs to be destroyed by any means necessary. So many times I've just sat there and said, "why is this happening? what is wrong with me? when will this nightmare end?" etc, etc. So it was nice to read a different view on it. Not that it makes any of it any easier, of course.

When you say that you're crying and you don't know why, I totally relate to this. Often when I cry, it's not so much out of sadness but out of a kind of a deep poignancy, or some kind of bitter sweetness. Does that make any sense?

BTW, for anyone interested in that site, it's here.

Anyway, I sure hope you're OK.

Russ[/QUOTE]

Yes, thanks Russ- I will be fine. i am still at the stage of destroying the suffering by any means possible, though.
Also, I still play connect the dots sometimes with feelings and thinking. In other words, I don't always know how I feel- or I feel something and don't know why I am feeling it.
I have those "whats wrong with me... whats going on shit (sorry- sometimes a well placed swear offers the best description)states when I am triggered, or working with my T and we are looking at the hard stuff. I much prefer avoidance,(in fact avoidance is where I have lived my entire life until about a year ago- then the container was full and the unconscious bad stuff was coming out in other ways) but I know that is a dead end.
Sorry to go on about me, this was intended to give you some comfort.
My T is going to call me later to talk about the hard stuff he allowed me to avoid in our last session on Monday, and I am already feeling sick about it. Therapy has taught me- if I don't do the work, the hard work, I am guarenteed to remain the person I was- and that is not acceptable to me any longer.
Be well.- Really!

Hi Namratasnv,

Welcome to the community. Please do say more about yourself, as we are a community that thrives on sharing and we are really open to hearing from new members. If your aim is to promote a particular website, perhaps the best thing would be to post one link only and to say a little bit about the website.

Jones