Well, I had my first session (again) yesterday. Those same old feelings are flooding me again today. But the session was awesome as usual. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do, though. I mean, everyone has bad days, but that doesn't mean they need to go to therapy, right? But I do have another session scheduled (3 weeks) per my T's instructions. I hesitate to say because of possibly triggering someone reading, but I have been using some alcohol and my T thinks it is to mask some lonliness and other emotions. I do not necessarily agree with that, but we'll see how it all plays out. I am relieved he didn't tell me all those horrilble things my brain was telling me he would, like "oh no! Not HER again" and all that good stuff we tend to conjure up in our heads sometimes. I was able to talk to him about these feelings. And--Surprise! Surprose!--he understood!!! He didn't say one single thing I was terrified he might say! In fact, it was all pretty much the opposite! And I know we are supposed to learn/rewire through all these good experiences in therapy. But I am SO SCARED of (increased/continued) dependence on it/him!!!
So, that's where I am right now!!

quote:

Originally posted by AJB:
But I am SO SCARED of (increased/continued) dependence on it/him!!!

AJB,

I have the same feelings, and I see my T multiple times a week! He goes away for a week and things get bad. It sucks and feels like it will be 10 years before I have some semblance of real wellness and, then, independence from him.

I'm glad your session went well. Hang in there.

Russ

Thanks for the encouragement. I only see my T about once a month. Sometimes 2 times. He acts like this is normal, even though I've never actually came out and asked him why so far apart. I have these issues where I feel like I'm a bother to everyone and so I don't want to seem too needy or bothersome to him. So I'm just glad I can still see him at all. I always feel like he hates to see me coming--even though my intellectual brain knows that is ridiculous. I mean, I never call him between sessions (well, I did once but I mean I don't make it a habit.), and I try to be cooperative, so I don't know why he would dislike me as a client. That stuff just takes over my thoughts sometimes. Oh, well. I hope you have a good week!!

AJB,
It is not a sign of weakness to go to therapy; it's a sign of strength. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to face ourselves, don't tell yourself different. I'm glad you had the courage to go back.

AG