I have recently started to self harm during dissociation. I don't remember doing the harm and can't quite understand when I come back to my body when I see blood and a open wound. I am so embarrassed about my wounds and try to cover them up with bandaids. I really don't want to do this but I can't seem to stop. I was hit by a car as a pedestrian 2 years ago and I still have terrible post traumatic stress symptoms. Before this accident I was perfectly normal and now I am so far from normal I am scared to death what I will do to myself if this continues.

Hi, fhmc- and welcome to the forums. I was wondering if you have a T who can help you in dealing with some of this? From what I have understood on this forum, it sounds like you need someone who has experience with trauma, who can be there for you right now. That is really important. Of course you would be very afraid, but in facing your fear, may find some healing. Yet it can't be done alone when it is so intense, so a good trauma T would be able to help. I hope you will take care and be well and find the healing and help, well, we all are in need of that, you are not alone.

BB

FHMC, may i suggest the type of therapy i am in, which is called DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) and is a trauma therapy, very appropriate for self harming and dissociating.

you could google that, or private message me and i will help you track one down near you.

i have trauma issues that no other therapy really can address, the intensity of the need and the behaviors associated with it. i don't have self harming, but do dissociate.

please get help with a trauma specialist. this is something you CAN get help with.

and these DBT people know how to deal with this, THAT is what they do....it is unique to all other therapies i have seen, and it understands the behaviors you mentioned.

keep posting as you need, jill

quote:

Originally posted by blackbird:
Hi, fhmc- and welcome to the forums. I was wondering if you have a T who can help you in dealing with some of this? From what I have understood on this forum, it sounds like you need someone who has experience with trauma, who can be there for you right now. That is really important. Of course you would be very afraid, but in facing your fear, may find some healing. Yet it can't be done alone when it is so intense, so a good trauma T would be able to help. I hope you will take care and be well and find the healing and help, well, we all are in need of that, you are not alone.

BB

Thank you for your post. Yes I do have a T. I have been going every second week for a year and a half. I am doing better but it is such a slow process.

FHMC

Hello and welcome

I am sorry that you have been having such difficulties and understand why that would feel so scary for you. I would second BB in checking that your T has trauma training. My only other advice is to keep talking, keep saying those things that are so dificult to say and if you need to say them again and again, over and over, until your T realises the impact they are having on you and can help.

Oh and it IS such a slow process I'm afraid.....that's what 's so difficult about it. Hang in there,

starfish

Yes, I understand that it is very slow work. Please know that you can post here if you need extra support. You are not alone. Many on this forum are dealing with similar issues, and we all are a caring bunch, you will find! Let us know how you are doiong, if you are able! Glad to hear you have a T... perhaps more frequent sessions would help? Just a thought.

BB

Thank you all for all your great advice. I see you have the same opinion as my T. However I really do not understand the concept of continueing to talk about my issues. It seems to me the more I talk about it the worse my symtoms get. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. I see accidents happen in front of my face which no one else sees. It is so embarrassing and especially when I am doing self harm. I try to hide the scares but my T is now looking for them so it is so hard to hide them from her.

Aw, fhmc- I am sorry it is so hard to talk. I know that can be really scary. and I've heard that flashbacks like the kind you seem to be having are terrifying to experience. Well, I think you must trust your T on this one...and just try, a tiny bit, to talk, perhaps? Well, if you expose something scary that is inside to the light, in time, your fear of it will become less intense, although extremely frightening at first, for sure. But if it stays in darkness inside you, then you have, always to deal alone with it...some people on here with similar issues have suggested some tools to help, with this. Like bringing flashcards to the session that you can use, or, saying just one word...hmm...I wish I had more experience with this. My problems are more of numbness and depression. what do you think would happen if you kept talking?

BB

Hi and welcome to the forums!

Have you ever heard of EMDR? For some people, talking about the trauma can make it worse and will not allow it to resolve. EMDR can be very effective, especially when dealing with a specific incident such as the one you describe. If your T does not practice EMDR, you can find one that does by going to the EMDR website which can be found by typing in the web address emdr.com and then clicking on find a practitioner.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.

I really don't understand this whole concept on the more you talk about the trauma the better things will be. For me after a appt with my T I have the worst nightmares and flashbacks. I sometimes wonder right now if this will ever end. Before my accident I was a normal person and now I feel like I am crazy seeing things that no one else can. I know I self harm during some of my really bad times but I don't remember doing it and the only reason I know is because when I come back to the present I have blood gushing and no one else around. I gouge myself to the point of blood but the pain sometimes helps the dissociation stop momentarily. I am so embarrassed by the scars and try to hide them and I won't admit to anyone what I have done. Where do I go from here?

quote:

Originally posted by fear holds me captive:
I really don't understand this whole concept on the more you talk about the trauma the better things will be. For me after a appt with my T I have the worst nightmares and flashbacks. I sometimes wonder right now if this will ever end. Before my accident I was a normal person and now I feel like I am crazy seeing things that no one else can. I know I self harm during some of my really bad times but I don't remember doing it and the only reason I know is because when I come back to the present I have blood gushing and no one else around. I gouge myself to the point of blood but the pain sometimes helps the dissociation stop momentarily. I am so embarrassed by the scars and try to hide them and I won't admit to anyone what I have done. Where do I go from here?

That is why I asked you if you have ever considered EMDR. It doesn't involve talking about the trauma. As I said in my previous post, often, for some people talking about the trauma actually makes it worse and can result in the flashbacks and nightmares that you describe. The SI is a sign that you are destabilized and before any work on trauma is done, steps should be taken to reground you and get you stable. It can be dangerous to work on trauma material in the state that you are describing.

I wish you luck and hope that you are able to find the help that you need. I understand where you are coming from. (((hugs)))