Skylynx - logically I know you're absolutely right... emotionally, that comes and goes. Today I can see it like you do - much harder to when frought! I also feel fear knowing my T ISN'T torn up and highly emotional about anything I say to her - ive talked a little about this with her - trying to articulate it properly. If she has a reaction I feel responsible, ashamed, and manipulative. If she doesn't have a reaction I feel she doesnt care at all. VEFY black or white. I realize its fear both...Read More...

Hey Blue, it's all right to be a bit rattled and not write the perfect response. You're working through things and that takes up a lot of emotional head space. I think the good thing about this forum is that people tend to be really gracious in letting that happen, letting people say stuff in their own words and also being accepting if they want to go back and change those words. I recognise a lot of my own feelings in what you wrote. If blame doesn't work so well for you, is there another...Read More...

That is so cool of your T to give you an itinerary! If my T did that, I would love to visualize what he might be doing each day and I would feel connected. That was so sweet of him! I would probably check out earth cams of his locations and those places would take on a new significance and meaning to me cause that's where he was! Loving someone has a wonderful way of literally opening up the world!Read More...

It's the anniversary of my mother's death in a few days - so I'm also thinking it might be better to re-evaluate things AFTER I get through this next week. The abandonment issues are hyper-sensitive right now, and her approaching anniversary is definitely playing a part in that .Read More...

Have done too if you're still stuckRead More...

Thanks for your replies. It seems to me that it is different from country to country what the professionals do, as in my country an Audiologist do provide support related to the emotional challenges related to the disease/disability. But as one do not need a licence or registration to this titly it may differ from each person. As I understand the hospitals often refer their patients to Audiologist for providing coping skills. I have never heard of a health psychologist so we probably do not...Read More...

I really think you should talk me to yr T some more. You seem to jumping to a lot of conclusions that might not be as you think. Ie you're assuming she will be cross and angry with you because you txt her. You don't know that. Are you a mind reader? Do you REALLY truly think she is so cross with you she's been stewing about it ever since and planning 'right, wait til I see SB next, boy will I let her know about it!!!!' Yeah? NAH. Not likely. I think it's common for Ts to NOT specificlLy...Read More...

Thank you for your answers and sorry it took me some time to get back to you. I read carefully, and decided to... not send the email, just to make sure I keep the good feelings for now, and don't lose them over being anxious about an email. I made a small card to say thank you and I will give her next time (and will have ample time to feel awkward about it at that moment^^), and I don't want risk sending an email TOO enthusiastic to my T. + I am currently vaguely hypomanic (with meds, so...Read More...

I was just thinking of you yesterday. Nice to hear from you. He will NOT give up on you and you will not give up either. I've done this dance a lot also. My T could have dumped me a long time ago and goodness knows I've tried to get him to dump me in some very creative and mean ways and dammit, he will not give up on me and we have forged a great alliance...a very rough road, as we all know. It ebbs and flows and we have learned a great deal from each other. You will figure this out...Read More...

Thanks guys SB: right back at ya babe (the hanging in there it gets better bit lol!!!) I feel better having vented by posting. It helped me get rid of the obsessive bit. Other than that I'm trying desperately to NOT think about what happened Friday. Allowing my T to 'care' is really really painful. It also scares me - what if I want more? Definitely think you're right SB - it is that I can't bear to think she does have a life 'away' from the hour I spend in her office. I'm ashamed ed to feel...Read More...

(((PF))) I dont have anything to do with my mum for similar reasons. I moved 400miles from my FOO and then my parents split and she moved in round the corner. I did my best, but her abuses continued, my children suffered. In the end I moved house, so I'm now 3 miles away. I never see her. She has spent the 10 years up here telling people I'm a bad person - how much I let her down (she was doing that all the while eating every day at my house and having me help her all that time). So, she has...Read More...

Maybe I've read Freud way too much for my own good. I know I shouldn't give my therapist a gift no matter how small. Besides, when she reminds me of the rule and refuses my gift, I will just keel over and squish off to another planet, I will be so embarrassed!Read More...

Words are beyond HUGE in my life. Like ginormous. And, yes I do sometimes get stuck on rhyming words in my head. But that always feels playful. (I really like alliteration too. ) -RTRead More...

starfish - it's priceless when the kids tell us they love us. I have teengagers who have a hard time saying it, but it does come out every so often! RT - thank you for the words of encouragement! You're right - it's never too late. I'm so glad some golden nuggets have come from this painful process of therapy. PFRead More...

((((veryhopeful))))Read More...

RT and Cat, Thank you for these excellent responses. I want to respond in more depth later, when there's time, but for now I just want to say how much I appreciate your responses.Read More...

No. I have 2 threads - one about the abandonment trauma triggered by my caseworkers failing me, and this one about how alone I feel due to that support falling apart and having limited support from my T. Sorry Trying to process what happened today at my Ts. I let her do things for me and I feel a bit yuck about it. Like I violated my own boundaries in the process. It felt really really uncomfortable and wrong, her making all those calls to try to help me. She phoned me a total of THREE times...Read More...

Oh, Exploring! If only I could believe, even a little bit, that this was true.... -RTRead More...

I used to book childcare for my toddler and then have to go pick her up right after therapy It was hard going. Now she is in school and I have therapy on fridays (different T), which is my day off from work. It's a long drive, so 1 hour of therapy takes 4 hrs of my day - and when I get home I often just get in bed until 3pm - when I pick her up from school. It often means I'm not in a great place over the weekend, as I'm processing stuff. sbRead More...

HIC, Sounds like a compelling point of connection--and I think your T did a good job balancing your needs with the degree to which she shared. As long as she was accurately monitoring your comfort level, that is. My T has shared having had struggles, and I believe her--while at the same time perceiving her current life as perfect!Read More...

That would get me really pissed off, CD. Not even talking to you about it. Plus, if this is what he really thinks and is what he's writing down as your primary diagnosis, what is he offering as treatment? I would consider it malpractice to make a serious diagnosis, not inform the patient and not offer treatment. (Regardless of the issue. ) Have you considered calling his office and confronting him? Or at least ask some very pointed questions of the nurse. Grrr... -RTRead More...

(((((YAKU))))) I didn't get to read your original post. Just wanted to send hugs. I know how awful it feels when triggered so much that posts have to come down. Hope you feel better soon.Read More...

Hi yaku. My heart really goes out to you. Feeling hated by the person you want to love and accept you is so painful. And I can agree that attachment has been all those things you mentioned and more. I want to tell you there is hope for moving forward. Unfortunately, it’s been a very slow process. I’m not sure if this is true for everyone, but I can share what I learned from another T that I saw for one session. She said I would feel what I feel with or without my T. She said I feel hated...Read More...

Last evening T called to say she has an ear infection and cannot fly (she is in Florida visiting her son). She said today's and Thursday appointments are cancelled. We have a third appointment scheduled for Saturday (because T thought we needed to be doing 3x/wk right now), but I may not be available due to waiting for movers. I won't know until Friday. So, last night I dreamed. I dreamed that I was waiting for my session with T. OldT (yes, THAT oldT) comes up to me and takes me to her...Read More...

Thanks RM for your input. Skylynx - You're right, he doesn't know my feelings. He'll be gone for what feels like an extremely long time. The few groups I found interesting don't start until the fall. Thanks for your thoughts! You guys have been helpful! PFRead More...