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Thought I had replied to this - I think I did but did the big Delete. I have had a few weeks of half crappy sessions and 2 this past week. What is it in the universe??? I told T after the first one that it was a crappy session. The 2nd one I told her she sat too close, was not intuitive enough, was minimising my pain, was rushing me through stuff too quickly, was attacking me and had cornered me and that is not a good thing, was not listening to me etc etc. She has rocked my trust again and...Read More...

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Yes, we can!Read More...

Hi Jane, I don't have the same feeling as you do about Easter, but I do have terrible feelings about Christmas and my birthday (they are not far from each other). I hate my birthday- don't want to celebrate and just want to be alone. I hate having to try and pretend to be happy when it is one of the saddest days of my life. It's hard when you have kids and they get so excited about birthdays, and so for their sake I have to pretend to be happy. Then there is Christmas...I used to love...Read More...

yes he always changes the time and day?but he only sees me once a month, he has tonnes of people he must see!Read More...

((((Yaku)))) That's s frustrating! The same thing happened today with my choir - we rehearsed with another choral group unexpectedly and, of course, had to sing songs that we had never even gone over (but they knew quite well), and some of the woman in our group were left crying afterward because a select few in the other group were laughing at us, although they didn't understand that we hadn't gone over the song even once. Being left in a situation where you are totally unprepared is really...Read More...

Well...it does make me feel better to know that stressful family vacations can cause even the best if us to have meltdowns I saw everyone again tonight and things were fine, but nothing specific brought up. When others asked how our vacation was, she replied that it was a comedy of errors. I could tell she was referring to the tension felt with her husband and me - she's the type who always has to be right and in control. I am in a place to let it go, though. The memories - good and chaotic...Read More...

Ok... So I need to try to just go with it and just feel the shame. Thank you all so much for reassurance. Morgs - You're right. My T thinks however I am is ok, I'm the one who is doubtful! JMB - I'm glad you are learning tears are ok, perhaps I am too. And I'm reassured when you say you don't always know what it's about. It just is, for now, perhaps. Hi Starry - thanks for encouragement. Sometimes bits of this therapy journey feel too scary, which is why it's good to have somewhere like here...Read More...

ROFL too! I might have to recycle that next time Cowboy says it.Read More...

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I like it!!Read More...

Ninn, thank you so much for your compassion and understanding, though I'm sorry that you do understand! I will definitely talk to him, because what was once only yearly has certainly grown exponentially, and is very much related to needing an outlet for feelings that overwhelm me. I first began seeing him for self-sabotaging behaviors, so combined with the other things that come to light, this may not surprise him! Thank you for sharing your experience, and for the encouragement. Hugs, StarryRead More...

Held I like the way you construed what she said. It makes sense. I'm glad you are happy. And as screwed up as she has been, she earned some points in my book for validating that you were just standing up for yourself and/or trying to take control of your therapy. Some other rotten T might try to put it all on you. LieseRead More...

(((FMN))) (((SD))) (((muff))) Thanks, you all, for posting. I have been reading, but am just at a loss for what to say, even though it's my own thread. We (T and I) are coming up against a bunch of my protectiveness over my parents and my massive inability to believe in how bad things were. Last night, T got pretty confrontational about my seeing the reality of the stuff I have described to him, because I'm so stuck in denial. At one point, he actually said it makes him feel a little crazy...Read More...

So... I emailed her about it... And she emailed back- She was gracious and open as always about how "I'm the expert" and how if it doesn't resonate with me, it may not be the answer etc... And now I feel like a toolRead More...

Thankful for this forum to come to and read from others after a week of complete frenzy....good and bad.Read More...

Hi LK, I'm sorry I don't have any good wisdom or advice to offer, as I have exactly the same response to anger as you do. I can be absolutely screaming and raging on the inside, but on the outside, I freeze up, clamp down, and it all goes inward. Just went through a hellish weekend because of it, actually, and finally vented privately to a very dear friend (lucky her, right)? I hate what it does to me on the inside, it makes me feel so poisoned. However, letting it out is really terrifying...Read More...

Thanks number9, closed doors and Liese. I have a lot to work out.Read More...

It is really important for you and I would definitely ask any potential T's what their policy is. Someone posted a list of questions to ask potential T's a while back - maybe search for that and it might have some other ideas for you. Good luck. I am so sorry your T is retiring - that is one of my worst fears. SomedaysRead More...

Thank you for your thoughts and sharing your stories, All. I'm looking forward to my meeting with my T/mentor this week. It couldn't come soon enough as the last week has been rather hellish in some ways. I'm not sure what type of mood I'll be in when I get to T's office. I might still be in angry/fighter mode from dealing w/my ex's latest s**t. Or I might be in my optimistic "this doesn't phase me and I can handle it mode". I seem to be vacillating between those two lately. Sometimes I wish...Read More...

Scary stuff, and no doubt would have an negative impact on any child/adult. The memories are there now without the feelings attached,because they have been repressed. Intolerable feelings towards parents can be very threatening to a child. Safer to hide and deny them, until there is an overload of pain/shame/anger/hurt. We might wonder then where all these anxious feelings come from when we are older? An overload of pain from the past can cause a lot of unexplained fear, and confusion in our...Read More...

Sorry. This must be confusing. It's good if your T can help you. But, I have found a very helpful T at a much lower price, personally. When we were paying out of pocket, it did end up being over $1,000 a month, but once we switched to insurance, it was much less. It doesn't seem like you have an intense attachment where it actually is extremely painful to leave this T, as you are OK looking around. Not that you WANT to leave him, but it doesn't feel like life or death if I'm understanding...Read More...

(((((COGS)))))) How are you doing? Any better? I hope so! Thinking of you! xoxoxoxo LieseRead More...

Wow, TN, sorry to interject here, but your insurance company pays him $80.00? Mine pays my T $55.00. If you don't mind telling me what insurance company you are with and what plan. You can PM me if you like. My copay is $30.00 so your T is making out like a bandit compared to my T.Read More...