RT I am so very sorry. I know how it feels like the bottom of your world has fallen out and you are in free fall. T wants to see you and getting ill prevented her from keeping her word. Try to remember the good things. How she is there for you other times. How well she understands you. If you have any good emails then go back and read them. If you have a transition object, keep it close. Hold onto the good between you. I know this is hard. I've been there too. Try to keep busy and make some...Read More...

That was a great reminder TAS. Thanks.Read More...

I wish I had known years previous how much a back-up can help when your main t is away. I suffered agony with separation anxiety and even had to go to the emergency room when T went on vacation. I felt I should be loyal, or that it wouldn't do any good to see someone. Phooey on loyalty, I should have helped my own self.Read More...

SB: May I ask how you make it through all week without contact? This is one of the things I continually struggle with and has been a sticking point, even when I ask he says no. Currently in a rift over therapy right now but could use some ideas on how to get through when wanting to contact is so strong. T.Read More...

You know, it's funny... no one has asked me that. Only a select few know I'm doing it. No one has asked me why. Maybe it's obvious that I desperately need it..... :/ I usually only broach the topic with friends who I know are also in therapy. Most of them get.... "it". But yeah... thank God for PsychCafe.Read More...

What is your Ts policy on touch? He'll hug clients if they ask, except me. Haven't asked why. Have you touched your T? Shook his hand 3x. Strange because he always says we're "emotionally close, physically distant." But a few months ago, I brought family to the session. After shaking all their hands, he shook my hand, too. Never talked about it afterward. Have you hugged your T? Nope. Never asked and don't anticipate asking in the future since he said, "If you ask me for a hug, I will say...Read More...

I read this forum a lot, but don't participate much. I think you are correct to quit and at least try another therapist. I found one, after fighting and fighting and fighting with the first one for about 4 years - the second one has no drama. She takes phone calls and encourages them. She does not demand or insist on her interpretation, but is not wishy washy. She is psychodynamic as is the first one - but it is quite different. I leave not frustrated and enraged and so on. She said that...Read More...

ElizaJ, Yes. I have been on it. It is awesome! Thank you. Yes having my old T out there brings me so much comfort. Our therapy time together is complete, but she is always there when/if I need a recharge or consultation.Read More...

Catalyst, I agree that our way of expressing our love for the therapist depends on how we think about love, or what love is. I just want to add to Affinity that I learned a lot about transference by reading Bolby on the web and reading his articles about transference. I select the free ones, of course. Kohut is really good, too and some of his are free to read or print out. Balint is good, too.Read More...

I might ask if I knew the therapist liked plants. I would not just thrust a plant on anybody but that could be because I don't garden at all and I don't really want the burden of a plant thrust on me. When it happens, I politely acknowledge the gift and then dispose of it. So I don't find the idea of giving plants to a therapist wrong in a vacuum, but it would depend upon the hobbies of the therapist for me.Read More...

RT and RM come on down! T drives a white toyota with a kids booster seat in the back ! TN thank you so much for your concern for me. It has been an awful transition and I'm not happy about how it has taken place. T will not tell me why. She just keeps saying that she feels that the best way she can help me right now is to help me with my marriage. That is what she is good at and the way in which she can serve me best. I believe she would support me in seeking out another therapist to work...Read More...

I have been thinking about this topic since it was first posted. I'm not sure I necessarily feel attached to objects. Rather, it is the meaning or memory attached to the object. Since I've been going through the things in my mother's house, I've been "considering" a lot of objects. There are things my mom kept, because they had meaning to her - a Rainbow Girl badge, her father's wallet - and lots, lots more. I struggle, because the item has no personal meaning to me, yet I know that it did...Read More...

Draggers, First, nonsense about you and thinking! I, too, get that connection to nature. To both the beauties and the horrors. I see dead deer on the side of the road about twice a week and my insides cry with the brutal loss of those connections. The awe I feel in my backyard for the beautiful plants and flowers and noisy squirrels and birds will often connect me to myself and a deep stillness and acceptance, for the moment, at least. I realize that my behavior and choices lead me to these...Read More...

Ms Control, I am also on medication and Wellbutrin is one that I take. It is my understanding that 150 mg is a starting dose and the typical therapeutic dose is 300 mg. While you may be gaining some benefit, there may be more you can experience with an adjustment of the dose or with a different medication or with an added medication. Anti-depressants are often combined with mood-stabilizers to help even out your feelings. Talk with your doctor. Let him/her know more specifically how you feel...Read More...

Hi VH! It totally makes sense to me! I'm so happy for you that you are feeling and connecting with you. It truly is a gift and you're right - no one can take it away from you. It's realizations like this that help us to persevere during this very difficult process. PFRead More...

Hi SD, Thanks for sharing. Over the past year, separation has never gotten easier for me either. I think some days the pain is less than others, but it never really goes away. It truly is horrible pain. It's so hard to explain to others when they ask why I'm in so much pain. I just say, "Life. Stuff." I really am thankful for this group where we do understand each other. I had a good session today, so I'm trying to hold on to the good for as long as I can. Hope you can find some relief, too. PFRead More...

I don't often hear the term "activated" used in T school. I think it's specific to certain specialties, such as trauma or body-oriented therapists.Read More...

Hi Frustrated - I definitely do NOT have BPD. (Sorry, hit a bit of a raw nerve with that one - it's not personal ) I was misdiagnosed aged 18. I can't talk much about it as it was very traumatic in how I was treated as a result (20years ago Women with BPD were assumed to be attention seeking, manipulative and any distress I communicated was not only seen as that, but I was treated like it too - it was very very damaging) My actual diagnosis is PTSD. 70% of people with so called BPD actually...Read More...

I think it's great you've talked to him about what happened in Starbucks. It might be you need to keep talking it through - as many times as it takes for it to feel a bit more ok. And that's ok! I'm a health professional (not a T) and I have a lot of clients I work with for months of a year, often more than once over a few years. I often run into ex and current clients in public outside (usually the supermarket!). It happens probably very other week actually. Often I'm really happy to see...Read More...

Affinity, I really admire your courage! Congrats on taking a risk. It sounds like you have a great T who understands ET and you. So glad he was able to help you work through some of it. I totally understand when sessions are good, it makes it all that much harder.Read More...

I had a pdoc/t who retired (on me) with a three month notice. I went into deep mourning. I felt like I had learned of her death date, and we would have this final separation. It took me all of those three months, and then some, to realize that even after we terminated, she would still be alive. In reality, I could call her, email her - and I have done so a handful of times. Allowing myself to recognize that it wasn't The End helped to give me some breathing space. Of course, it is a very...Read More...

Congratulations on your sobriety! I imagine that is one of the biggest things that has contributed to where you are today - in a much better place with all kinds of amazing things happening. Gratitude is a wonderful thing. I think it makes us all feel good, because we are recognizing something positive rather than focusing on the negative. Expressing gratitude to anyone is a wonderful thing, but to a public servant... well, I think it just means more. Those who work in the community don't...Read More...

effed - Thank-you. Yes, it was quite a struggle, and I think we are still working on it. Our approach now is the way these responses have been a pattern in my life. A pattern based on my experiences in childhood - particularly abandonment in this instance. More and more keeps coming out. My connection with T is strong, and we just keep working. I'm glad this was helpful for you. Elsewhere - thanks for commenting. I certainly can't say that I was feeling courage, strength and hope while all...Read More...

Hi Jones, I never thought of it that way. Glad I asked now! Hi Chezza, let's try and remind ourselves and eachother that we our never inadequate and insignificant. Keep posting! loveRead More...

Thank you both! It gave me the courage to send my P my posting (didn't even translate into dutch for him, somehow it was easier to communicate in a foreign language). And I did go this afternoon. It was honest. He understands a little better now. He didn't apologize (but he's the sort of man that would rather die...), but said he could understand my anger and felt somewhat lost for words. And he made a special point of telling me he really did care, even though he never mentioned it. He...Read More...