I think Ts can be aware of it but it doesn't mean they know how to deal with your specific needs within it. Had I known my feelings were "cliche" / as old as time for the model itself I may have understood it differently and therefore interacted differently with them. I thought my feelings were UNIQUE and I felt very alone with them just as I had felt alone my whole life struggling with bonding with people outside my family. Had my therapist clued me in that this was typical I think it would...Read More...

Sadly, Yes I use to take overdose's because I use to imagine hospitals and nursing staff could provide the care I so desperately yearned for, accept I learnt actually they are some of the least caring people I know. I was told to "do it properly" next time, was roughly handled, had stomach pump to "teach me a lesson", I could go on. That was in my teens and early 20s. Since being with This T I haven't reverte to those sort of actions. I told T that I hate demanding almost that she tells me I...Read More...

(((((COGS))))) I hope you don't mind I call you that. It reminds me of that adorable Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast. If you don't like the nickname, just let me know. Even though we have never ever gotten along, the dynamic in my family was that no matter what anyone did to me, (or anyone) they were family and we had to remain tight. I was a pretty nice kid (well, that's my side of things) but what that meant, and the message was drilled in constantly even up until recently, was that no...Read More...

Thank you all, your replies are so warm and encouraging and I think I have to agree with you. I think he does love me and he is puzzled that I lose the feeling of that.Read More...

THAT sounds absolutely lovely. Good on you for bringing it up - and what a wonderful replyRead More...

are you okay Neece14?Read More...

Very good to read this!Read More...

Echoes, thank you for your kind words. I've been thinking a lot about my session yesterday, and it's only Thursday. I've come to the conclusion that I am really angry I changed my 3:30 time, to 11:30. But, I know this is the inner-child being angry and trying to make it someone else's fault, when I chose to do this, to help out H. I guess I am worried, that if I wanted to change the time back to 3:30, it won't be available to me. I didn't cancel Monday's session, so I guess I'm going to go,...Read More...

Hi JenDark, it seems that you are doing a lot of projecting onto your T. The things you think that SHE is thinking are really your own doubts and fears. The only way to know if she is thinking any of this is to ask her. I know that is easier said than done. The therapeutic relationship is the most important aspect of therapy. It is often said that it's the relationship that heals and that the relationship IS the therapy. My T and I spend a lot of time just discussing our relationship, how...Read More...

Hi Thanks for your replays, Its not legally binding business contract , its more like word of honor that we did write down, with steps what I can do if crisis would happen or I was going to do something bad, If I feel overwhelmed I can send him mail and so on until The last step is contacting him in his private mobile, I have only once used the last step. Because like I said in another post I am working sometimes in a hospital in the field where the mental ward is , and my T knows I will not...Read More...

I refuse to get a Pinterest account even though its the new craze! I've been on quite a few times with my friends on their accounts but its so damn addicting that if I get an account, I already know I will never pay attention in class (as if I don't dissociate enough already lol). Facebook is enough of a distraction for me.Read More...

hi all. Its not like legally binding contract, just like paper agremennt between me and T, what i can and should do if I am ready to do somerhimg that I might regret, like honor agreement, I know and my T. that no paper can stop suicidal person from killing herself, this was my idea in nov and has worked for me, i have it on paper that my T cares, amd sometimes I need to know that someone cares about me, it has anyway helped me, but like I said its not bissness deal and it not about...Read More...

Me too! I've been reading his blog and website. I like the cave/bridge/village story. He sounds like someone who really understands. He explains things very clearly and really hits home on many things, at least for me. thanks for the heads-up TNRead More...

I might consider doing EMDR. I'm so uncertain as to whether I effectively shove my emotions down inside and lock them away or I get over things the right way. I'm glad that its workign for you Sadly Despite the intensity of it at times..Read More...

It sounds like you have been having quite a painful and challenging time Anna and it is wonderful that you found here - and can write here and get responses. I don't know what country you are in, and it doesn't really matter but I find that most people here are in America and things can work differently at the practical level. I live in England so see a psychologist for free on the NHS but I am fortunate. I think you are still half consciously seeing if he IS truly trustworthy. I still do...Read More...

Hi Liese... yeah I saw the Beach Boys too. I have always loved them. I don't know if I will have email access to him on vacation because I have no idea right now where he is going. But if I ask I know he'll tell me and he's always been open to email before (if he has access to it). I guess we will talk about all of this on Thursday. He usually gives me more notice than a week so I wonder if this was last minute. I guess that whatever we don't have time to deal with will just get stuffed as...Read More...

Thnk u so much echoes and eevrybody. Im thinking of starting to email my T when im really overwhelmed..as therapy continues..its getting harder and harder to cope. Thank u so much for caring...sorry it took me so long to respond!Read More...

((((AUTUMN)))) That sounds like a reasonable way to approach things when you resume your sessions. You are truly in a very difficult situation. HUGS, LieseRead More...

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HI Butterfly, I wanted to reply last night but didn't know what to say. You got so many good thoughts up above that I don't have anything to add. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you are struggling with your NewT although I am glad you tried again. LieseRead More...

(((((LITTLE ME))))) I don't blame you for being confused. I don't know about anyone else but I think it was amazing you asked for what you wanted. And the way you said it was perfect. I"m so glad the P was understanding even though they can't offer you more. I don't know where you are or what the system is like so it's so hard to comment. They can't possibly offer anything else? It just doesn't seem right that they recognize you need help but can't give you the therapy you need. It sounds...Read More...

Update-I just finished my interview for grad school to become a T. I don't think I did so well. Anxiety got to me quite a bit (at least that's how I see it). The lady who interviewed me had really tough questions that I felt unprepared for. ugh. She did commend me on some steps that I have already taken to get to grad school except for in the area of certain types of volunteer work. This is the where I am deficient. She would like me to have more experience with working as a trained...Read More...

R2G, Glad you were ok with me bumping it up! I agree with you, talking to my T about googling was actually a pretty important turning point. It's when I started to understand that he really meant what he said about all of my feelings being welcome in his office. It also showed me that he really understood what it was like for me as a client and wanting to know him better. AGRead More...

Thanks everyone for the replies. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond back - rough couple of days. So tired. i think all this strugggling with anger is physically exhausting me. Liese ~ Dance, an expressive thing, would be hard to contain anger in. I saw some icicles yesterday and snapped them and broke them. It was kind of satisfying. I also felt like some silly little kid. Laura ~ no, I can't really explain it. thanks for the hugs! Alpaca ~ I really liked your list of things to try. it...Read More...

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