((((rara89)))) Welcome to the forums. I am sorry that you had to experience all that growing up, you deserved much better. Your anger is very understandable in response to what happened to you. But because you never had it modeled nor were you allowed to express your anger, you need to learn healthy, non-destructive ways to deal with it. There is a way to work through these emotions, but it will probably take a long time since you experienced these things throughout your childhood. Are you...Read More...

(((Cat))) I'm sorry I didn't see your updates until now and that you've had such a hard time. I am SO happy for you (though I know is painful) that you reached out to your T and that you went to the session and had such a huge breakthrough. I hope that things continue to settle out and you are able to take in the feelings and events from the session. You are doing really great work.Read More...

I think you should discuss your expectations with him in person i.e. checking weekend messages. If you want him to text you on a certain day/time because its really important to you you should probably also have asked him and pre arranged it in person not on his voicemail.Read More...

There are a lot of people studying to become therapists and we did have one therapist who was posting for awhile, but as another therapy patient seeking support. Shrinklady does occasionally pop in, but it's rare. But the purpose of the forum is definitely a peer support group rather than a source of professional treatment. All that said, there are quite a number of people posting who are quite well read and have a lot of knowledge about therapy and how it works, so there's a lot of good...Read More...

She can be more sensitive to you if she knows.Read More...

((((JANE)))) I remember seeing a movie a long time ago but can't remember the title. Maybe Dom DeLuise was in it? Or his son? Or someone like him? The narrator was depressed and SU, I think. There would be these scenes with him floating on top of the water at the ocean or bay. The camera was under the water looking up and you could see his body floating and the sun shining through. And he would talk about whatever it was that was stressing him out during these scenes. And so when I'm...Read More...

((((INCOGNITO)))) So glad you were able to feel that T cares, at least for a little while. Keep working on that and addressing it as it comes up and eventually you will feel care from him all the time. I hope, anyway. That's what happened for me. We just kept chipping away at it. Sometimes it was me. (Okay, often). But sometimes it was him. I cried a lot last year for months and months. Unfortunately, I think it was all necessary. But then I went on wellbutrin and actually don't cry as much...Read More...

((((CAT)))) It was really nice to hear him say that. It was the first time in four years. IMO, it was long overdue. (((((SD))) Thanks for the cheers. That was really nice. ((((INCOGNITO))))) He says he seems to know how distressed I am. He thinks he is conveying empathy. I'm just so tone-deaf to it all. I think I have to learn the difference between indifference, rejection and dismissiveness. Maybe it's not him who is not listening to me? HUGS TO ALL BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE ALL STRUGGLING, LieseRead More...

I've been working out a lot lately. It really has been great for me mentally. A way of me taking care of myself. Anyway you sound very strong Jane. I admire and can relate to you.Read More...

So, I paid better attention last night and as soon as I started feeling dizzy and nauseous and like I'm sliding back, my hand is rubbing that spot on my head. I also started knocking on it with my fist when I was trying to quiet stuff down. All unconscious and if I hadn't put myself to really pay attention to it, I wouldn't have thought much of it. So bizarre. Feel a bit weird that everyone else seems to dissociate pressing this spot, but I use it when I am dissociating. Though, if I'm not...Read More...

Cat - the issue is actually that my cats have decided they like to punish me for changing my routine, so the change I made has caused them to "mark" my new territory, thus making it impossible to use. H has bought some sort of cleaning solution that is supposed to keep them from continuing to do that and is going to try that out for me. H is being TONS more supportive than he was last time and reassured me that I absolutely need to have my therapy as a place to work through things, even if...Read More...

Well yeah, clearly, because my actions dictate what they dictated to me. Lol. I think she was just making me aware as to how I felt dictated by them even when they were not there.Read More...

kashley, I agree with all that has been said. This past August I had that kind of overwhelming grief and could barely cope with anything. I had to start teaching again after the summer off, and I was a mess. I honestly almost quit and walked out every day for a month. My grandma had died in May. She was the only one who I knew my existence mattered to. Because it was summer, I had camping and road trips to "keep me busy". When summer was over, all the grief of my grandma's death and all the...Read More...

Totally true. I'm just worried now because my friend is still ignoring me ~ but she's like that and if she doesn't call in a few days, I'll call her.Read More...

My SIL lives in Flagstaff and she needs an attachment therapst and I found one for her in Flagstaff. However, I am in a major metropolitan area and there aren't any attachment therapists around here except for RAD. It seems, though, that you might find someone who is more accepting of attachment if you research "trauma" T's. There seems to be a lot more of those. When I consulted with the trauma T over the summer, she mentioned that she didn't think (and this is coming from a T) my T had the...Read More...

All good, FMN! Just want to make sure that you are understood. That is a huge thing! Let us know how it goes!Read More...

Yes, yes Muff! I wish more parents were like this!Read More...

I think the reason some T's don't like to use the word "love" is because the client might interpret that as "need." Sometimes I think we really want "I love you" to mean "I need you." But our T's cannot need us because then it turns selfish and we get hurt. My T did not say "I love you" to me in the beginning of our therapy relationship, but now I hear it from her fairly often. And yet because of other things she says, I know that she does not need me. She loves/cares as an act of service to...Read More...

gosh, i just read this and i am in tears now...thank you all for sharing.Read More...

hey effed, too sad about the dearth of fun in your life right now. This is one of the first times in a very long while that I have had fun that is free from judgement. My purpose is to move my body to music and have fun. I am not working to get in shape. I am playing and doing it safely. I have often thought that this type of activity is boring. How things can change with age and a couple handfuls of effective t's!Read More...

Oh, a walk sounds lovely and I hope it goes well. T has offered to do a walk when I asked about what we could do and even to get ice cream before like your kids want. Except, I sometimes think T is more of a kid than all my inside kids, since I can hardly ever get excited about such things. I just feel too exposed to be out in public view with my T for some reason...it feels unprotected and I feel like in trouble that my T has to be seen with me. Anyway, I really hope it goes well for you...Read More...

What a good question, Jenny. With my present therapist I was really upset that I had got a letter saying I an assessment appointment with him (he is a clinical psychologist and I did not know WHO had referred me. It turned out that I had requested it through my doctor four months earlier and had forgotten all about it.) I was on the defensive and I power dressed. I felt scared stiff. I remember thinking "I am prepared to talk about PTSD and see if he has anything interesting to add. Then I...Read More...

Brokes, I'm so happy for you. Happy healing to you!Read More...

My T doesn't look like anyone famous but he does look a lot like a good friend of mine, same height and build, similar clothes and some of the facial features are very alike in some of the expressions. He also has a few features of my ex which makes him attractive to me at times because I have happy memories of my times with my ex.Read More...

My cannot use touch with me since we like thousands of miles apart. But she does tell me she would like to give me a hug if we were in person and that she is sending me hugs in spirit. She also will try to get me to make eye contact. She will offer kind things to say..things like how much she cares about me, that she is so fond of me, that she enjoys working with me, that it is so rewarding to work with me, etc. I usually look down and don't say much and she will then ask me what I am doing...Read More...