Continuing to feel all the love from you guys. Trying not to have my usual self-loathing reaction for getting myself noticed and having comfort. Awww, Echs, it wasn't necessary to move anything. I didn't feel bad for the discussion and find it informative and like if anything I'm involved in helps somebody, but it was sweet of you to think of that anyway. Lots of hugs!Read More...

FMN, I think it's really hard work to get through trauma and what you are describing sounds a lot like what I did. Therapy does not take place for just 50 minutes a week (or more if you have multiple sessions, but you get my drift). The real work is done in the processing you do in between. As you have those "aha" moments and gain new insight and understanding, you often end up going back through your past and processing all over again bringing the new understanding to bear. For me, this...Read More...

Hi greenleaf, it's nice to meet you. I also had a terrible experience with my oldT which caused me to have PTSD over the very harmful actions he took in my regard. He abruptly terminated me and then when I fell apart (outside his office in my car) he approached me while I was in agonizing grief over what he just did and decided I was suicidal and called the police on me! They forced me to go to the hospital crisis center for evaluation even though by that time I had stopped crying, swore I...Read More...

Hi DGUOM, I am really sorry for all the pain that you have had to suffer. It can take a long time to trust a T with your deepest pain. Would you be able to perhaps tell her that you have some things that you really need to tell her but you are scared of what the consequences might be and see how she reacts. I know T's are bound by certain ethics but maybe she might be able to ease your worries a little by explaining how she works when certain things are disclosed. It might also give your T a...Read More...

Hi number9, Glad I was helpful! I definitely don't think you're crazy. The vast majority of the time, yes. T is very intelligent and intuitive. I feel she has a good understanding of me and we've had a strong rapport from the beginning. We've done some productive work together in the seven months I've been with her. Now, occasionally we'll have a session where one or both of us is not quite with it and I don't feel the connection as much. Those always feel a bit lame and disappointing. And,...Read More...

That was a lovely story. Your T sounds really nice! I wish all therapists were open minded about the concept of hugs. I have a friend who is in therapy right now and he has a very scared, inner child that comes out quite often. He says that to help him heal, all his inner child wants is a heartfelt hug, something he didn't get much when he was younger. It frustrates him that his therapist does not do touch. I think touch should be initiated or considered when the patient is known to the...Read More...

Hi Curious! *waves* I can totally relate to you in how you feel about your T. I started to feel that way towards the end of the school semester and I just felt this overwhelming need to give something to my T. In the end, I gave her a simple but cute card just letting her know how much I appreciate her and everything she's done for me. It wasn't anything big, but she was so thankful for my small gesture and said that it reassured her that she really does make a difference. I think small...Read More...

I used to be in a stunned state of shock when, seemingly out of the blue - My world would crash down on top of me the day/night/next day after my session. Every time I'd be confused about this, the answer from my T is always the same 'It makes sense'. Instead of finding this frustrating, I actually take a lot of solace in it - As the one of us who -should- understand the process, does. I'm generally in the habit of sending an email if the 'truth' that settles with me seems particularly...Read More...

Hi Brokes, thanks for the update. I was wondering how things were going for you with new T. When I started with my T after oldT I also did not experience with him that constant state of anxiety about the relationship. Maybe the grief was overwhelming everything else or maybe without the attachment I just was not so anxious. I don't really know why but it was a relief. I hope things continue to go smoothly for you with new T. I like that you have discussed what you need to get you from...Read More...

Muff - Are you new to therapy? I'd never used one prior to starting either. AG - Thanks very much! It was my 30th, a fairly big one...And happened to fall on our new appointment day (my schedule keeps changing with the new job, and she keeps accommodating me). It wasn't until the end of the session when she asked about my weekend plans and I mentioned a maid appointment later that afternoon because I 'didn't want to clean my house on my birthday'... that my T actually knew it was my...Read More...

Thanks Kansas! I think I'll go to Word now too or just go back to plain old pen and paper. Don't have to worry about technological glitches with that haha. I learned a lesson the hard way yet again bleh just freaking bleh!Read More...

That's cool that you managed to figure that out! Need for approval has been a big issue for me as well. I figured out two things about it: 1. Part of wanting approval for me was keep everyone so distracted with how great I was, so that nobody would find out who I really was. There was an underlying shame thing going on there. 2. Having a good attachment with my T has helped an amazing amount with this. Since I have her care and regard no matter what I do or don't do, I can stop bending over...Read More...

Muff that's right. It's underestimated how IMPORTANT attachment is for a baby. xoxo, this is interesting. I have happened to be in the company of people who are as complex/have major NPD or so complexities. Two romance interests, one landlady so far, in 3 years. Interestingly these were the kinds of people who were very confident and charming but lacked emotion attunement. Similar to my father. I learnt about myself here. I am easily taken in by people who are confident and secure in...Read More...

((((SCATTERED)))) Check out the Science of Psychology Related Discussion section. The third topic down is a thread started by TN called, Interesting Article on Dependency. I think that's the article I was referring to. Your T really does sound wonderful but it does sound like you are going to have to stand up for yourself here and tell her that you are not ready for the changes in the email she is proposing and/or that maybe if you had a second session, you wouldn't need to email so much.Read More...

Sorry bit late here but yes do delete to protect people. If I ever post a long post and I want to keep it, I save it before I post it - I am over 40 and my memory is poor so I sometimes want to go back and see what I said. Useful to save actually because it sometimes shows how we grow and change our mindRead More...

Xoxo - yes, the interaction with adults is definitely a plus and these are really great people, fun, funny, and I know accepting of me already. I think, you know, I've just turned 31. There is plenty of time for what could be without having to worry I've sabotaged myself beyond repair. Like you say, it's not like I have no options at all. I would love it if they would let me do it part-time, but I doubt that's the case. Liese - I should clarify that the 50 hours includes travel time to drop...Read More...

Ah, and this: JICTAADCTNTSO. : Just in case there are any delays, contact the national travel service on.. No, just kidding lol. There will be entire acronym sentences one day, mark my words MMW. Ah, thats a good one! I might write a dictionary and dedicate it to Johnson. Other real ones are (if your feeling particularly down and expressive at the same time and you need to vent, post haste); FML: F**k my life. FFS: For f**k sake.Read More...

TN-- Oops! I think I somehow saw this and didn't register that it's 2012 now! Lol! I'm so messed up emotionally right now that I've been making little mistakes here and there constantly. Anyways, thank you for responding to me. Your story gives me hope. I want to respond more in depth and I will in a bit. I have to get ready for work now, and will be back later. --BrokesRead More...

totally can relate at times! ~ and then I convince myself she doesn't care because I am just paying her - she's pretending. I have gone off my meds a couple of times in the past for the opposite reason...I started feeling better and didn't want to be on them. I feel good for awhile and almost don't realize I'm sliding downwards again until I'm at the bottom. My goal is to get off of them, but this time, which is the first time, I'm doing it with the help of a therapist. I hope you can start...Read More...

Dear Brokes I´m really sorry to hear about your loss. I know how much it can hurt... I´m in deep pain for the loss of my T. I quit therapy on the 16th of December. Sooo many times since then I´ve thought about e-mailing her. I think you were brave to actually do that, even though you knew that you might get hurt if she never responds. You were willing to take that risk. And it was good that you could express your feelings for her, and how this abandonment makes you feel. I´m glad that you...Read More...

Hope you're feeling a bit better, effedRead More...

Hi JoeC-- Welcome to the forums! This is a great place. I'm going through what you are at this moment. I just ended with one T after a bad bad bad termination that left me emotionally devastated, and now I am starting with a newT that is great but I really don't know where to begin. You will get some great support here for what you are experiencing. Some of us have been abandoned by therapists, and had to start all over again. There''s a lot of knowledge and a wealth of information if you...Read More...

(((((HIC)))) This is going to be short but I'm so glad T read the blog and the comments. She sounds terrific. I'm really glad she came through for you. LieseRead More...

hi xoxo, just a quick one to say i hope you're doing better (it sounds like you're doing better in the last couple of posts). i found it sad when you said that you're tired and not a fighter anymore, because I really think you ARE a fighter and always will be. hugs, puppetRead More...