That would make me feel safer...but I'd feel bad, like there was a special club.Read More...

Hey guys, thanks for the responses. Sorry for the late reply here! I think I just have to trust in the moment more. I obsess about monitoring myself and my emotional episodes so much that I cannot 'let go'. I fear doing something 'wrong'. Maybe it's simply a matter of relaxing and letting go and seeing what happens instead of trying to attain emotional enlightenment by tomorrow. Ha. Thanks againRead More...

I am temporarily closing this thread to wait until Shrinklady has a chance to review it and decide how to handle it and/or to reopen it. I am for obvious reasons recusing myself from making those decisions. This is not an attempt to censor anyone but rather to prevent an out of control situation. As a personal note: Thanks for the kind words and appreciation to those of you who offered such.Read More...

That's so funny, xoxo. Of course it isn't easy! That reminds me of the time my T told be about how her son got a smaller present than his cousin, and how she remembered to let him feel jealous instead of trying to talk him out of it. I immediately said now I was the one who was jealous (of not having a parent like her) and do you know what she did?? She tried to talk me out of it! LOL! She said, "Well, you only hear about my good parenting moments, not when I mess up." I was like, "Umm, that...Read More...

((((UNBROKES)))) I'd probably be bent out of shape for a very long time too. But just wanted to wish you good luck tonight. I have a good feeling about this one! Love, LieseRead More...

I look forward , Hopeful, of chatting with you here too,,,have to learn how to navigate the site too! thank you for your wise words.Read More...

Liese, I liked your analogy about playing catch, actually. I don't know if I could explain it, but it resonated with me. So thank you.Read More...

Like it Liese. Thanks! Makes senseRead More...

Thanks, Alpaca, I think he is not used to this INTENSITY of emotion exploding. Me neither, but more used to it than him. When I listened to the recording I was only 8 yr old upset for 2 minutes, and then , he asks if this is the littlest me, and as soon as he says that, : out she comes in full fury, pain, terror but it only actually in real time last thirty explosive seconds. I cannot believe it was only thirty seconds!!! but in that 30 seconds, the chair goes over, the desk is nearly...Read More...

Hello, emotionburstimran! Welcome to the forum! So glad you felt comfortable posting. I wanted to respond because my reason for starting therapy was exactly the same as yours. I also had "immense" trouble forgetting someone and wanted to get over him once and for all. Four years ago I started looking for a therapist to help me. It was not easy to find someone who would listen the way I needed them to, but I eventually found her. This forum has also been very helpful in helping me work...Read More...

((((JANE)))) So glad you are home safe and sound and you survived without resorting to your old coping mechanisms. much hugs to you, xoxo LieseRead More...

Re: I wish I could talk to T....not a great day....Read More...

Hey there, I'm 30, and went through a similar process, though without children involved. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but can assure you - It does get better. I went through a period of time where my Ex-H would show up in the middle of the night pounding on doors, in tears or any other type of measure he could fathom to instill guilt, and ruin my new relationship. It was horrendous, and I seriously considered a restraining order. My experience couldn't possibly compare...Read More...

xoxo, I'm so happy for you and that you have such a thoughtful T and to put your lion there amongst his families pictures...beautiful! How wonderful for you...makes my heart melt for you. HopefulRead More...

That IS inspiring to hear BG, thank you for sharing. starfishyRead More...

It only happened yesterday morning. This morning it feels just beautiful. I feel all warm and strong inside at the same time and I feel very open and real. I feel comfortable with my family and our visitors. I hope this feeling lasts. I also feel more real around sweetP too - when he was holding me, he was not a 'parent' - he was 'him' and I felt the truth of that, the man who is the psychologist, who is trying to do the best he can by me and who is genuinely trust worthy and kind. I felt I...Read More...

went back to the posts earlier this month in regards to rage and anger etc... you put it so well, LL. I want to say hang in there like some of the others have done, but I'm a step behind you on this one. Right behind you. Glad you are here, glad you have a T that works well with anger. Sorry about my long-winded replies.Read More...

R2G - I've never heard anyone express my exact thoughts about somehow "tricking" people and/or tricking myself and not seeing what others claim to see. I have told my T I am a walking facade - a master of disguise. Why is it so hard to believe we are that which others see? Continuing to be our parents to ourselves is so damaging and it's so hard to break the negative cycle when a lifetime of words and actions have created our deep seated beliefs....Read More...

I love this! Especially the second half of it where she talks about what we do to numb vulnerability. Thanks for this.Read More...

I see him in about one hour. (must shower and get dressed!) but I could not sleep last night as I felt the real anguished pain of pining for him, that has been there all week and got almost unmanageable by late Weds. I also hurt because in about three hours time, I have to start the agonising process of trying to cope with another seven day gap before I see him again. It is real child stuff. Visceral, raw and agony to feel. I shall have to tell him. I trust him enough these days to tell him...Read More...

Still up to my ears in house guests, but I LOVED this bit. You sound so much better - your T grounded you and got you feeling secure with him again. Good T. When you write about how bereft you felt, it was so OBVIOUSLY small child stuff and it is so SWEET - I can almost SEE a 2 yr old little TN. So small, so scared, so wanting reassurance, a cuddle, to have some safe person there for her. I send you the nearest we have to a cuddle and my congratulations on reaching out to him. You are going...Read More...

Mayo it was good and brave for you to confront these things with T and clear the air before moving ahead with other things. I never see my current T out of session although a have seen him in his parking lot a few times going for the afternoon mail so I have no idea how it would feel to run into him in so many outside places. We have discussed it though as to how we would both behave so that was a good thing. I have, unexpectedly, run into old T at that seminar I attended and it did not go...Read More...

This was the topic in my last session which was 6 Dec. I have not posted about it because it was very emotional...maybe I will in the sensitive issues. It was tearful but then we cracked jokes about stuff so there was lots of laughter too and some more tears mixed in. Next week we will probably explore reasons but again it will be last appt. for another month. I wanted to share with everyone because I wanted to hear thoughts but also because I see many of us feel a lot of guilt and like...Read More...

Liese Thanks for your encouragement. I had to close my business last year due to a breakdown and haven't been able to get back up again. I have gone into total isolation and can't even manage anything at the moment. So no work yet. I also don't manage to go out or to go to a friend, I get severe panic attacks. So it's just me. I've been in therapy for a year now. It feels as if I'm a bunny trying to climb out of a whole just to have somebody shooting at me! Thanks Smiley, hopeful and...Read More...

Made it through the holidays! ((((Liese)))) Thanks! I'm glad the AD's help you, too. I do remember why I fought the idea of taking them - it was because I had heard it could be really difficult to find the "right" one, and that some of the side effects could be uncomfortable to downright frightening. I am so grateful that the one I tried first seems to work well enough to help with minimal side effects. ((((Pandora)))) So good to see you!! Thank you for popping in to say hi. I hope you had a...Read More...