Hi xoxo, I agree with you. I think that I'm experiencing maternal affection but because I didn't have a mother figure in my younger years from 0 onward, perhaps it is a feeling that overwhelms me a bit. It is quite a foreign feeling this. It saddens me that it feels so unreal almost. I've told my T how the relationship between me and her feels somewhat surreal and so alien. Because I too have read so much about therapy, I have normalized it to a point where I could tell her. I think in my...Read More...

Hi Incognito *wave* I was moved by your post. It is vivid and it is stark and honest. You know, I think any T would be honored to have you bring all this to the table. Our feelings may be shameful and confusing to us, but-- I imagine-- they are a gold mine to them. Sorting out the mess is exactly why we're in therapy. I too very often get stuck in the trap of wanting to understand it, or waiting for it to be reasonable, before uttering it. I hope the disintegration thing goes away soon, I...Read More...

((((Echo)))) I missed your original post (I am not on the forum as much as I wish I were) - but I understand you wont be participating now. I hope things would be better for you soon....Read More...

((((RAVEN)))) It's so hard to communicate with friends about what we are going through. I find it that way at least. I have one really good friend who listens very supportively and a couple of others who listen but think it's all a bit nuts. Maybe you can just try to reassure her that it's you and not her and not offer her any more information than you feel comfortable giving. xoxo LieseRead More...

that's the best compliment i've heard in a long time! thank you i also get a more at peace vibe from you and it seems like you've been doing great work with your T! hugs, puppetRead More...

Liese, That's funny! I think I'll get some for my husband...too bad they don't have them for my "old" dog...she's nasty sometimes. LOL! HopefulRead More...

I'm so sorry Smiley that you're still struggling big time with this (but glad to hear from you because that means you ARE hanging in there and keeping yourself going.) Got no words of wisdom, just wanted to send you a cyber hug LLRead More...

FMN, Nah, not worried, although learning about this particular eccentricity of T's does seem to cast things in a somewhat ironic light. But my whole post was written, and meant to be read, sort of tongue in cheek. I understand if my sense of humor doesn't completely come across on a computer screen, though! Sorry about the confusion. Yaku, Haha, it would have been great to have been a fly on the all at that moment in your therapy. Although I know there is nothing more disappointing than...Read More...

thanks for your responses. I did read some of the other posts on transference. It scares me a lot. I've been suicidal at times about it because it's so heartbreaking. Strange I would feel that way because I don't want to go home with her but the thought of her being so kind and affectionate with her daughter just rips me apart. It's a good thing she's like that. I think she's probably an amazing mother. But it hurts me so much. Why? I really have to fight this because it is stopping me from...Read More...

((((Bornbroken))) Really glad to have you here. I came back to read your response, and re-read mine that you quoted. My response to you reminded me of a Ny Times article-the column about health and the economy--where people comment about the article posted..Well....people were talking aobut losing their jobs, their homes, and several doctors were suggesting that to cope--people need to do breathing exercises and meditation!!! While those things are good strategies, they don't seem...Read More...

Welcome here effed. I've had a great time being here and it is wonderfully supportive. Glad that you find it supportive also!Read More...

Hi Liese. I am so sorry it has taken so long to reply. No, I have never discussed with my F about the attachment and love process. It was such a personal thing for me. I have spoken to her a litle about the hurtful things i perceived my therapist to have said, and she was able to change my thought pattern and have me look at the "perceived hurtful comment" in a more positive and non destructive way. I really wanted to keep our friendship separate from my therapy. HCRead More...

great news about the internship - you will be better for having had the experience of going for the interview. How good is it to have been offered it. Well done.Read More...

This made me think about something I heard on the radio the other day...."not every day is good, but there is good in every day".... Your T sounds lovely. Happy Belated Birthday!Read More...

well like i said i have battle depression all my life i got marrired at 16 in 1982 had two boys the best thing i ever did was have them but by 1993 i was divoced and lost my boys. and my family and friends i was on so many meds and didn't understand what was going on the boys was with there dad i tryed to kill myself and was in a coma for 2 weeks when i came out of it i didn't know i was divoced i call him and ask why he was not there and he told me we was not marryed and i lost the boys i...Read More...

Hmm the first test, in respect to romantic relationships, was way off. But in respect to friendships, because I keep myself at a distance anyway, I was in the top left box. Secure. The second one my scores for my parents were almost off the chart on the dismissive/avoidance section. Makes sense really, I don't tell my parents anything about what goes on with me anymore. I'm quite superstitious about telling them because of they're expectations of me. Anxious-preoccupied with romantic...Read More...

Yes, I do think there are a lot of potential positives in having them so close-- especially once the pregnancy and small baby stages are over. Thanks for pointing this out. I am happy about my little budding family most of the time, but sometimes just feel physically and emotionally overwhelmed. I'm trying to make taking care of myself important so I can actually *enjoy* these years as well as be the fully present, nurturing mama my kids need. Sometimes I succeed at this better than other...Read More...

Hey Yaku, Sorry for being so late to this! I have no idea how he thought that was a moose! I think it's absolutely adorable, and I love the name. You work so hard in therapy - I hope you know that. Thank you for sharing about your session - it's really a great thing to read and is very inspiring and heart-warming. I really hope things with insurance work out...It seems like, if they start fighting about more sessions, your T will fight even harder. So I have faith that it will all work out.Read More...

Thanks anyway Yaku. I'll see if I can find something. I think it might help me. I understand about all the stuff your T has.Read More...

Thanks for taking the time to leave a note. I think there are more of us out there than people know. A lot of us who were traumatized as children grow up and try to help a child not be hurt the way we were. When you adopt a traumatized child it will trigger your own issues. BUT, it can be a blessing for both of you if you're willing to work your way through it all.Read More...

Hi all.... I want to get back to this thread but I am totally swamped with homework (mine and helping my son), and preparing for the painter to come tomorrow. So PLEASE I ask that you all not get PAD or posting regrets and leave the posts here so I can get back to them when I have a clear head. I also have to prepare my head for a therapy session tomorrow that I think will be really important. Not sure, depends on if I can muster up some courage. I'll be back when I can, hopefully soon.Read More...

I've never had such a thing, as I was paying out of pocket for the longest time and now I'm on a single case agreement, but my insurance wants to deal with my T directly, so even when we needed to convince them why I needed to stay with T, the whole process, they wanted nothing to do with me, only for him to apply and report to them directly. I wish you good luck, though!Read More...

Thanks everyone for your input. Raven: I too only really seemed to have the intimacy from my grandmother. I worshipped the ground that she walked on. She would give me a hug every morning when I saw her. Go figure.She lived thousands of miles away which sucked. SD: It is exactly what I mean with the intimacy. I have recently realized that I keep distant from people SO well. Its not good. I can be in the same room as good friends of mine but I'm still distant. Touch to me is so foreign. I've...Read More...

Yes, you are both right. I know she isn't really trying to get rid of me....that's just old coping mechanisms creeping in. I do think that subconsciously it affects me so I should say something to her. Thanks for the hugs and support. RavenRead More...

what a wonderful post - of course it is about acceptance - one of my struggles has been i can accept others waaaayyyy more easily than i accept myself. workin' on it.Read More...