Tygr, See I told you that you were amazing. Flowers, a bath--sounds heavenly. Draggers--sometimes existence is all that we can believe in and that's okay. This self love stuff isn't the easiest thing in the world. It's challenging. So, no matter how BIG or small your display of self love is--it's good. Today I held my baby a little longer and got some good cuddle time. I am taking my lunch break to myself and going to run some errands. I told myself I looked good in the mirror, and my little...Read More...

((((SG)))) I just wanted to add that I too have a history in my hometown but first I fled for 10 years. And when I came back, I thought I felt good enough about myself in order to face all those old feelings of shame. But I wasn't. (yeah for therapy) The upside for me is that none of the people I was involved in back then live around here anymore. I did run into the dad of my best friend from high school a couple of times a few years back and then actually saw her at our high school reunion.Read More...

Thank you very much TN and AG! I am sorry about the belated reply. I somehow got overwhelmed to the point of not being able to post (I am struggling a lot these days). Sorry. It has to do with my issues though, not anything anyone here said. I really like the name StarHeart! . I will add it to my signature. TN, I am glad you like the long version. I thought about shortening it but found that I could not keep the feel if I tried to do so. TN, thank you for taking the time to reply even as you...Read More...

One more hug for you, AG! I have two daughters and know that my time will come when this momentous event arrives. Thinking of you today, Mama!Read More...

We LOVE you, Yaku! Sorry you are going through a hard time.Read More...

AW Tn, I'm sorry I'm so late to reply...I also am feeling very flat, because I know I have nothing to work towards in my therapy right now...it's kind of a directionless place, and it feels like all my emotions have just kind of shut down. I can still display the proper emotions on the outside but inside I'm just feeling nothing. It's awful, isn't it? But- I'm glad that you are attached to the T you are working with now, because it will help you out of that place, really it will. It's going...Read More...

Thanks TN and Liese. Yes, she is a tough cookie i guess.(and needs to be to take me on!) .. She also specialises in DBT therapy as well as CBT, ACT and IPT, brief therapy etc. The dbt makes me think that she is going to be able to help me if we choose to be together. If she had schema therapy too - then it is a done deal. I think being shattered for 5 days and not eating anything, not leaving the house, not talking, staring at a computer screen for 8 hours at a stretch, crying buckets of...Read More...

Hi, AG! Yes, definitely agree with this. I readily share most stuff from my sessions with H, just because my attachment to T makes it a very emotionally intimate environment and I want to make sure I'm still close with my H, not shutting him out. However, my H isn't overly share-y about stuff, so other than asking how his sessions went and whether he felt like it was helpful/productive (i.e. like if he had told me there was a specific topic he wanted to work through), I just leave him alone.Read More...

I voted integrative - but my T has a background in Psychodynamic but unusually she also has some Jung training - which I found super helpful. But I know some people don't get on with the slightly spiritual aspect of that - not me though I loved it. She also definitely works with the Bowlby attachment theories. Whatever she's doing though I don't care because it's amazing. TN - totally agree about the feeling it healing rather than any conscious brain working it out.Read More...

Thank you everybody. Actually I DO have one of those rainbow lights-- and it does help make it easier to go to sleep at night! We have started some new art projects that we haven't had time to do lately-- hopefully that will help.Read More...

T and I talked this morning and things feel even worse now. She basically said that the reason she doesn't always ask about the pact is because she's too busy. I understand. She has a four year old and a partner to keep happy. She also said that sometimes she gets confused as to whether or now we have a pact. I told her I didn't understand how that could be confusing. SHe said, "Well I guess you have a better memory than I do because sometimes I don't remember if we've made a pact". Even...Read More...

Good to see you back, MH!Read More...

Very sad but powerful. Thanks for sharing, BI. You are a gifted writer.Read More...

((((BB))))) No need to apologize for waxing all intellectual. I found it all very interesting and didn't know all about the different kinds of love. I'm going to go look them up right now. I'm probably at the eros stage also, from what you describe. So you are not alone there, BB. xoxo LieseRead More...

(((Liese))) (((STRM))) (((hemlock))) (((LG))) Thank you guys for the support. Liese - the isolation is definitely a problem. I have one friend who was in therapy for about 15 years a long time ago for a similar topic as what I'm currently exploring, so at least I have one person who "gets" it to talk to. But, it is still hard for me to do so on a vulnerable level for some reason. STRM - I can really relate to the out and in. My main problem right now, as I'm sure you can relate, is just...Read More...

I understand why face to face is better. My therapist and I are doing intense trauma work, but right now she is out of town for a couple months. She said we can skype and talk on the phone... but it just isn't the SAME. It was hard when she left-- beccause we both know how important the "in person" part is to me. She says it wont be the same, she knows that, but at least it would be SOMETHING. But I just really, really need her in person.Read More...

I'm so sorry you went through that... so scary and sad Yes, I have been in situations where I could have easily died and was left alone. It is a painful place.Read More...

Hi TN, I just read your second post. I feel your pain and confusion and ambivilance. I agree with you about filing a report. That I think would hurt you. And even though you've done what was needed, said everything on your heart and head- you still will have the pain and the emotion especially of what could have been. I know that even thought I've accepted my situation, the first thought of it and the past year and what could have brings me to tears. I think you and T still have more...Read More...

Puppet, Glad you are feeling better about this and seeing that it is not such a bad thing after all. I'm sure you aren't the first and probably won't be the last person who has called and hung up on her. And I do think its a sign of progress that you were even willing to reach out at all and call, even if you ended up changing your mind. Reaching out is a good thing!Read More...

Thanks for that summation of Oz, SD - really good!! I'm adding We Aussies think this is the best country on earth and equate it with the wonderful land of Oz (as in the wizard!) My take anyhow!!! So pleased you're feeling so much better and grounded AG. xx MorgsRead More...

So proud of you, Jane, and happy your T was able to be close throughout the terror of sharing such hard stuff. Sometimes feeling someone close to you in that experience means more than anything. (((hugs))) and prayers as you continue to face the challenge ahead.Read More...

Hi brokenillusions, I can really relate to the pain you're feeling, it sucks, I hope you're feeling better this week.Read More...

Well we're in therapy to learn to break the patterns, so don't you even think about taking a break or running! (Where's the emoticon that shakes it's finger at you while the other hand is on its hip and its mouth is going a mile a minute?) I know that might seem like the 'easy' way out of the fear and panic and angst that you feel, but you'll never get through it all if you don't forge ahead and stick it out. I know you know all of this, and I don't know if you're thinking of running again...Read More...

Hey BB, Unfortunately we are already running into trouble with Skype scheduling since she cannot skype when her son is home from daycare (because he would be too demanding of her attention). So yesterday we were supposed to skype at 445 my time which is 545 her time and her son would have been home, so she arranged a play date for him but it fell through at the last minute so we had to do a phone session. Then tomorrow we cannot skype because she is packed so full in her schedule that she...Read More...