When I was in grade school, every morning the radio played a John Philip Sousa march. That certainly got the circulation moving. -RTRead More...

LOL, Oh, gosh, SP, you are a super-hero. I was so lucky with Boo, other than she had a hard time latching at first, so I had to do a combination of expressing and using nipple shields until she figured out breastfeeding, but it worked out. As for nap routines, they were non-existent, but my little one seemed determined to sleep through the night as soon as she gained enough weight that the doctors would advised me I could let her do so. So, I figure my next one will be the opposite, lol. LG...Read More...

TAS, I was super-reluctant to take medication and was never going to until things became unbearable. I took medication for four years and it saved my life. Balanced me out and helped to heal by grounding me. It is a very personal decision. I agree with everything AG wrote. T did want me to go on meds again. I declined and have tried writing, breathing, walking, sharing, and do take xnanx when needed. I know I probably should go back on them, but do not like such powerful stuff in me. I have...Read More...

hang in there draggeryRead More...

There are times when I just want to go off on you so bad. Now is one of those times. I am so freaking tired of your non-responsiveness. I don't give a crap about the "therapeutic" reasons behind your behavior toward me. I mean really is there a "human" in there anywhere. You are like a freaking robot. Cold, calculating, unfeeling, too damn predictable. You push me to the point of rage, and it just is so not worth it. I can't allow this anymore. I just have to go on accepting that you are...Read More...

I believe my therapist uses the IFS system alot. She talks about my critical parent running the show often. We have done some role play with trying to let the child part express herself. (Have to say I was uncomfortable with that!) I understand the concepts but don't really understand how it is supposed to help me. When I have needs I can often identify them as being from the child but I can so clearly hear the critical parent voice come in an squash those childish needs. Not sure what to do...Read More...

(((Cat))) I agree that would be hard for me, those sort of regular increases, especially if not really needed. Like, I might understand if a T said, "Well, my overhead just went up, because rent for this space went up," or something. But, it would be hard otherwise. I'm one of those whose T will do a huge sliding scale with people, even see someone he doesn't know who is in crisis for free. He always thanks me when I pay and when I've joked it's kind of part of the deal, he said he's never...Read More...

Ms. Control, I'm so sorry you have to go through this on the first try! I know something of the anguish, separation anxiety, and wondering what you might have done wrong. Believe me, it isn't you. A T should know how to deal with resistance and fear. If I had it to do all over, I would find out what school of therapy my T believed in, and how she/he intends to deal with transference or attachment problems. But, you know, it's so hard for people like us to even bring that up at the first...Read More...

Sky, I don't think you were cheating at all. I think what you did was a really good idea. Thanks everyone for all your input. I made it through my ten days away from him and am back, but showed up at session with a major attitude. I felt like I was ready to "end" our relationship because I made it through 10 days without him. Plus, he will be going across the world in a few weeks and I cannot handle this up and down stuff. I may have zero contact with him since the area is remote. I am...Read More...

Ms. Control, That's a great blog to go to for info. I am a big fan of Dr. Smith's as he does an excellent job of explaining therapy very clearly and without jargon. I do believe a connection with a new counselor would help. A lot of the reason our attachment mechanism's get so activated in therapy is the similarity in setup to the parental relationship. While they are not our parent, nor can they replace everything we didn't get, they are a caretaker who is attuned and focused on our needs,...Read More...

makes sense to me too you guys.Read More...

From articles I've read, the therapist gives the patient motherly love by being sympathetic and caring in the session, but the week you have to wait provides the "frustration" to make you deal with separation issues. That's what I've read. My problem is getting up the nerve to even ask for extra help, as my childhood was with caregivers who didn't want to be asked or bothered. I agree with catalyst that we need to ask and not assume. It's just a bummer to be so afraid to ask and risk being...Read More...

It would be a huge transition to make, for sure - just the fact of T being in the room with you and H at the same time would feel scary, given how well she knows you. Your fear is an important part of this process and I hope you can find a way to get support with it. It's normal to want to make your own choices about what to share and when - do you think you could express some of your concern about this to T? I was thinking, stability can sometime be a bit of a illusion if one or both...Read More...

I am not sure why this makes the 3 years a lie? He has a private life you do not know about, but that's quite what a private life means. From your reaction, the issue of gender identity seems to be a sensitive point? If it is something that really disturbs you, you may want to bring up the topic with your T2, to see what precisely worries you?Read More...

I believe in Inner Child work, and the John Bradshaw books, but I do wish my T would stop hiding behind it to avoid my transference feelings for her. It's always how I can be a better mother for my inner kid. I'm just screaming for a chance to talk to T about my feelings for her, not the child, for a change. I just don't think transference should be ignored, It's become like the elephant in the room, and I'm about ready to say to T I don't want to hear another word about me being a good...Read More...

I'm in the middle of this, too, so it's always easier to give advice than receive it. But, Affinity, I think that forcing your imagination to stop is putting the horse before the cart. It looks to me like you're still in a deep transference relation and because of that the nurturing, "holding" aspects of the relationship (within boundaries) needs to unfold naturally. During that, some wishes and fantasies mellow...don't disappear, but mellow. I don't think one needs to be on guard, always...Read More...

Hey, Exploring, I'm from DC and know just what you mean by routing the traffic. I remember when they built the Beltway (expose my age) and how we had it so much better getting from area of DC to the other. Yes, the mind needs organization too, figuring in the needs of all parts.Read More...

I really appreciate all of your comments. Cat you have in-depth ideas, and Monte, you do too, and I see what you're trying to explain, believe me. I have this inner kid stuff very seriously and I hope, not sure, my T can handle it. There's been so much rejection in my early life that discussing this with T feels magically life threatening. You're so right BLT about the advice to be my own good parent. Yes, it's the child that hears it and sounds like we're being sent away! Yek!Read More...

sorry i am late in replying again, this week has totally killed me! hi ghost girl, nice to meet you! i'm sorry your T is/feels so 'unavailable', does she know you feel this way and is there anything she can do differently to make you feel like she is with you on this journey? because that is the whole idea of therapy after all, you are meant to be in it together. i hope it gets better for you. hey TN! thank you for that, it made me feel validated and then i also felt protective of my T, that...Read More...

Ghost, Thank you so much for coming out and telling me about your experience!! It was so reassuring to know that someone related. Affinity, No worries on the time, I appreciate you taking the time (whenever that time was) to reply. It's so amazing to know that you understand. I have the most amazing news!! My T read the letter I wrote and he totally reassured me that he was not going to refer me out, that it was OK to feel this way, it's happened before and he even helped me identify what it...Read More...

Good morning TN, The new T does allow outside contact via text and phone. Calls will be returned after 6:00pm. I so desire for T1 to fade in significance in my life. That is what I want. It is unhealthy for me to spend so much time thinking about her and ruminating over what I want from her and cannot have. In a way I feel like I betrayed her by seeking another's assistance, but I know that is my own garbage. I did what is healthy and best for me. Thank you all for your support and...Read More...

Ms. Control, If I contact any professional on a Friday afternoon, I would not consider Sat and Sun as "part" of their response time, I would go by business days. I usually allow 24-48 hours as a reasonable response time for business issues. Therapists who work alone in private practice, I provide a little more leeway since 1)it is not unusual for private therapists to not work on Fridays' and 2) if they are on vacation and do not have any clerical staff, no one may be checking their...Read More...

((Jillann)) Thank you... what a great idea! A project... I hadn't thought. I have a lot going on while she is gone... changing where I live (which is terrifying). Maybe I can write about all I'm feeling with that... or make some art, but... I'm not sure if I'll have time for that anyway. Thank you for listening to meRead More...

Went to therapy today and showed T a picture of a little girl that I feel represents my Inner Child at two. I talked about the girl looking kinda frail and vulnerable, then T talked about how bad it is for adults to hurt a child. T opened the door so wide I couldn't help walking in. I described what I said her in the post about my aunts shouting at me "I'm not your Mother". Hopefully T will understand why I have so much trouble talking about dependency, and help me talk more. I know she was...Read More...

The Say Anything thread is there so members can say the things they'd like to their therapist. Just be aware you won't always get feedback on that thread. And the categories aren't hard and fast. They're more there so if people are looking for a topic, they have a better chance of finding it. If you're not sure, Coffee Talk is usually a good catch-all forum. The best person to check with would be TN as she is the moderator.Read More...