(((PF)))) I'm so sorry that your dad denied you the opportunity to talk about this. I can imagine that didn't feel good.Read More...

LG and Yaku, Thanks for your support. LG, it's part the vacation but also partly that my expections were way out of control. His last vacation was two years ago for two weeks. I couldn't admit at that point that I was attached to him so that vacation didn't bother me. But now I have come full circle and feel as though I've thrown myself at him with all my needs and neediness and have basically said, I'm so freaking dependent upon you. I don't like to be. I didn't want to be. I fought it...Read More...

I struggle with aloneness and loneliness and am introverted too. I find myself actually feeling more lonely (which is painful) when I am with other people and just can't manage to connect (often the case) than I do when I'm alone. So, I actually prefer to be alone. Case in point is being disappointed my H isn't going on a trip, because I would have had so much alone time to myself, and in that time, I would not have felt so lonely. Bored, once in a while, maybe, but not disconnected (since...Read More...

DGU, The truth is that child abuse is so horrible that a lot of people fail to see it because it's too painful to face, which is no excuse for how you were failed. You have every right to be angry about how unprotected you were. That you were allowed to suffer while so many around you did not see your pain. Like BG, I have promised myself to not look away because I know how much I wish someone would have seen me and done something. I hope that you can find solace now in being heard. AGRead More...

(((BG))) Sorry I wasn't around, but so glad you came through to this Monday morning, which is most definitely a cause for celebration! You should be very proud of yourself. AGRead More...

Aw! (what else can I say... )Read More...

Hi Yaku - I get that it's not the lack of replies, but the feeling of exposure. One of the other things that is worth considering is that you may be triggering yourself, keeping yourself in a state of constant exposure and processing and high adrenaline by posting a lot. Adrenaline can be addictive but it is an exhausting state. It is worth paying attention to how you felt with some space this morning. Take care, JonesRead More...

thank you UV! and i really appreciate your support and advice. to be honest, i have never taken any meds. when i first went to see a counsellor when i was younger, she suggested antidepressants, but at the time, i was just beginning to figure out what was wrong with me, and i strongly felt that i needed a clear head, and that i needed to feel - the depression and everything that was coming up. i think i was afraid that they will make me feel even more numb then i already was. so i think that...Read More...

((((((PF)))))) I'm sorry I am so late to this thread. I haven't been on here as much lately and I didn't see this until now. I am soooooo terribly sorry for what sounds like a very painful and awkward experienced. I winced as I read it because I can truly imagine what that must have felt like. I really think that although it won't be an easy conversation, that it is critical that you talk to her about this during your last session. I think she needs to hear that you were surprised that she...Read More...

Oh True North, how I LOVED reading this. I feel so supported in this attachment journey, by your dear T- and I love how accepting and affirming he is of where you are at. How utterly lovely. I have been away, just posted on my blog - so feeling like I am home again.Read More...

I think it is very common to those who have suffered emotional deprivation, especially from a very young age. this very topic is discussed in a book I recommended on the book forum, called "healing the unaffirmed..." ((((hugs)))) BBRead More...

thanks for the great responses everyone! im still processing through this but will respond more when i can (stupid splinted hands) jdRead More...

Appreciate the input I received here and I'm really sorry if I made anyone feel like they caused me any problems. It's all my own stuff, not anyone's fault.Read More...

Can you show us in the SI section?Read More...

It's funny, acupuncture has been recommended to me for my tendonitis, but I never would have thought about it for my eczema. Considering acupuncture keeps coming up, I guess it's time to consider it. It will, however, have to wait a while. I have to go to a nutritionist (first appointment this week) and that costs a small fortune. Since neither the nutritionist (also a registered dietician) and acupuncture are covered by insurance, it's going to take a hefty toll on my bank account. A...Read More...

Done... Feeling like a big FAIL. I'm not even bringing in the amount of money I'm costing in therapy lately. Phone interview for part-time admin job Monday at 9:30. Less triggering, less stressful and could walk/train/shuttle to work if I absolutely couldn't drive for some reason. We shall see...Read More...

Daisy, I know where you are coming from with this. There is never enough time, especially after a long break. I nearly always have double sessions yet still sometimes I run out of time. One thing that I found really hepful is to write everything down that I need her to know before I go to the session. Then I can hand it over at the start and she can read it and get the jist of what's happened since the last session and what I want to talk about, and can help me prioritise wher to begin. I...Read More...

Thanks for relating to me, STRM. I guess. I know she is both good and bad, but...I feel like when I watch her play, there is no way she could be AS bad as it seems like I have made my T feel she is. And, I've actually tried to be objective and fought him on some of his conclusions. I feel like I've made her look so bad, humiliated her to my T. Ugh, I think I'm having memories here, not a present day experience. She was always very sensitive about people knowing how things really were, not...Read More...

You will get through this, R2G! (Sometimes it helps when someone else says it too). (((morehugsforyou)))Read More...

UV - Glad you were able to reconnect so well. Your T's CT feelings would have had my kids in overdrive.Read More...

Liese, you are not a jerk. You're just in a really painful situation. When I read about your interactions with your T I feel for you because I think that consulting T may be on to something. It's good to always remember that Ts are human and they, just like us, react to relationships that they are in. The problem is WE (the client) are so vulnerable that real damage can be done. A good T consults outside of therapy with other Ts (never using patient names) in order to keep their baggage out...Read More...

Wow.... what a powerful session MTF! I agree with the others - it sounds like your T really does care for you and just wants the best for you. MTF, I went through six different meds before lucky number seven finally started working. The first med lasted 3 days, but the after effects (negative) lasted over a week. One of the meds made me suicidal and insane, literally! I wanted that med to work so badly that I was trying to lie to my T about how I felt, which of course, she saw right through,...Read More...

You guys have been so very nice. So many replies that it's hard to reply to each. I don't want to leave someone out so I will just generally reply Now I worry that I have offended you guys by not responding. (ARGH) I guess that is PAD again. I will remember that we all have the potential to suffer from PAD. I want you all to know that your responses here have made a big difference to me. This place is very important to me and I swear if it weren't for it I'd be so alone with all these...Read More...

I agree with kashley. It didn't seem that way to me at all. Let me know if you'd like me to delete my post, though. ((((BB))))Read More...

Jones, TN - thanks. This is the safest I've felt about my therapy in weeks...just having him be so transparent. I don't think he was purposefully being vague before, but I was just not able to show him what I need as directly. I think one major improvement is that I am now giving him a brief summary of what I NEED him to know before my journal entries and asking that he focus on the summary and letting him read or ignore the journal as he chooses. I'm also forcing myself to talk about the...Read More...