Draggers. I have been at this since 1985. Eating disorder, bipolar, borderline, sexual trauma. Tired.Read More...

"So to learn not to be scared, do what you fear. Do it enough and eventually it will stop being so scary. So to learn to trust, act as if you trust the person. Do that enough, with good results, and you’ll learn to risk trusting someone. To learn to value yourself, act as if you matter. Eventually, even you will believe it." AG, thank you for the reference to your blog. After reading it, particularly this passage, I think I know exactly what you mean!!! LJBRead More...

thank you i'm sorry i didn't respond sooner... a rough week last week. ((mallard)) i'm sorry your work is always questioned!!! I do understand that... my work is reviewed a bunch, and a lot of it (i assume) is the content because i'm still learning the business... rather than the actual technical aspect. i so wish i could work from home more... i work in an open office plan and i want to poke my eyes out. too much people... especially when i'm working on creative projects where i need to...Read More...

thank you... i'm sorry i couldn't respond sooner... i spent the tail end of my week in all-day tears for the most part. ((draggers)) i understand the *like now* needing t back. something has happened recently where i'm supremely reliant on her consistency. she's going on vacation in a couple of weeks and i'm already crippled with anxiety. i told her i was worried about missing her... and rather than her usual 'i will miss you too' i got a weird look and she said it's probably because she's...Read More...

Right back at ya eme! And of course for anyone else who would like a hug today!Read More...

Thanks SP Hope things are going ok for you too and you are coping ok. sbRead More...

Thank You Chezza for getting a chuckle out of me. I know 56 in a mini skirt. I quit wearing those in my late 20s.Read More...

I am glad you are here Jones. I am actually experiencing guilt for using the site so much because I have gotten the message not to rely on or talk to anyone because my thoughts don't matter. I am glad that my thoughts and feelings matter here.Read More...

My T is a big fan of Kohut and I have tried to read some of his writings. It's funny because in the beginning I routinely accused my T of not having any empathy and not being able to show empathy to me. It really was there all along but I was so defensive and traumatized from my last disastrous T experience I could not see or experience it. Hi hope4.... I think that quote describes attunement. Welcome to the Board. TNRead More...

I think Cat said it best:I don't think she'd be telling you that you can call if she didn't mean it. T can hold the boundaries for both of you.Read More...

Aww, Path, I'm so thrilled at your T's response. Sounds exactly like something my T would say. I can totally relate to the "tornadic whiplash of emotion" that comes after a session like this. But take heart, it does get better. And you should feel super proud of yourself for taking on such a sticky topic. You've taken a big leap on the path to healing.Read More...

Hi Monte I'm sorry I'm late to this thread. I think it's awesome that you are feeling the security of the attachment. You have always inspired me and I'm thrilled that all your hard work is paying off for you. That fact that you have battled through so much pain to find deep peace gives hope to me. How brilliant to leave your childhood toy in T's office. That is so perfect. I would say that your inner child is in a very safe place and that is part of the comfort and connection and warmth you...Read More...

My T's office is very businesslike and formal... except for his large bookcases. Filled with books but also on the shelves are gifts given to him by his clients. So I knew he would accept a small gift from me. I have given him a number of gifts, mostly to mark our anniversary when we met. Sometimes I bring him a small token from my vacations. I always keep it inexpensive and appropriate. It usually represents something in our relationship. Last year I brought him a small weathered gray stone...Read More...

Affinity, I don't think he's feeling nearly as stressed, if at all, over this. But that is because he understands where this is coming from. You did not wake up one morning and decide to have these intense, overwhelming feelings of shame. These feelings are a normal human reaction to something that was done to you. This is not a matter of your T is together and "good" and you are falling apart and "bad." This is a matter of your T at one point getting what he needed so that he can regulate...Read More...

Hi Kids! I'm so glad I saw this post. Wow! That is a LOT. I sure hope the broken bone in your spine is resolving well. That sounds really awful, uncomfortable, painful. As for working from home - whenever I've done it, I'm a horrible employee, because I get so distracted by the dogs, laundry - everything. The people contact is a huge thing tho, and if this is a permanent arrangement, I hope you have good options for people contact elsewhere. Congrats on the relationship! And for being out...Read More...

Oh HIC, say it ain't so!Read More...

Dearest Dragglepuss (pcd) if only we weren't separated by thousands on miles! I would so love to give to you what you need and deserve. Maybe you should move to Oz! In the meantime pcm. xxxxxRead More...

Hi Liese, I don't think your feelings of love toward him are pathological in themselves at all. Even if he (or anyone else) does not reciprocate. All there is to do is learn how to deal with that. Sometimes people won't agree with or feel the same way towards us and despite that... we can learn to keep our perspective of ourselves constant. I loved my ex, and she cheated on me (which says to me she didn't love me very much). That's not something wrong with me, nor wrong with her. Her...Read More...

((((HELD)))) Nice to see you and thanks for your kind words. 6 years is a long time and you are right, I will have a lot of different feelings over the next few weeks/ months/years.Read More...

(((AG))) It was very helpful. When I am embroiled in that mucky place, I can only see the muck. An alternative explanation helps me to see beyond the muck and gives me hope that there IS another reality out there, a better, more stable, more compassionate reality. Thanks!!!Read More...

I can understand 100% the "this is not mine" feeling as I did it for 20+ years regarding abuse I suffered at the hands of another. And then I realised that, for me, it was denial of the worst kind. It was mine. In every conceivable sense. It happened. It happened to me. I was there. I saw it. I felt it, and suffered for it, then and for years later. Owning it WAS NOT accepting blame or responsibility for it. It took many years to realise this. and the dichotomy of this denial was in the fact...Read More...

Ms. Control-- Sorry to hear about your situation. I have had two terminations, due to death and illness, so I know how it is to move on with another therapist. I "interviewed" new therapists before I decided on one. The one that I ended up choosing I found on-line. Like others have said on this forum, finding one that specializes in trauma (PTSD) is very important. I would also add to that that the therapist specialize in different modalities, such as EMDR. I have found that modality to be...Read More...

(((Ninn))) Thanks for helping me not feel crazy. I wasn't sure whether anyone else would understand, which made it easier to talk to my T about today, and I got a lot of clarity out of that. I think I'll hold off on taking a break myself, simply because I will HAVE to take one coming up, so I want to take advantage of the time we have right now. (((Cat))) Thank you for sharing the ebb and flow thing. I realized, talking this out with my T today, that for a long time, I have felt I needed to...Read More...

WO, in T's office, I am not even remotely close to who I am outside her office. I can carry on a conversation with anybody in the outside world but in her office.....crickets. I joke and kid around at work, with my friends and such but never with her and she has a great sense of humor. I sometimes wish she could observe me in my real life. I don't mean to be different but it just works out that way. I hope this is what you were looking for. By the way nice to meet you.Read More...

Thanks to all for their responses and thoughts. From a number of "on-line" quizzes I have completed recently, the attachment "style" with regard to my parents was an accurate representation of the dynamic that existed prior to cutting them away from my life (dismissive avoidant). The circumstances and events leading to this attachment behaviour are clear. On the other hand, my "traditional" style would be deemed secure and yet circumstances in my current relationship, by definition would be...Read More...