I have had what you're describing before, but this is typical of my severe dissociation, so in this case, I don't think it's breathing-related. I'm actually not really anxious, just ugh, overwhelmed by too many feelings at once that are non-congruent with one another. I don't know if that makes sense. Boo and I are listening to the songs I have to learn for church band practice right now. I have to get familiar with them by 7:00 pm, so I can get some good practice behind the kit. My main...Read More...

Beebs... about what you wrote above... I struggled with this too. It's because when you were a kid no one played with you. No one gave you that connecting through play experience so you don't know how to do it and when you try to do it, well it just feels unnatural and forced, right? I just didn't know how to play with my son until my OldT started "playing" with me and with both of us in session. We would toss a ball back and forth, we played hangman, just the two of us. Then there were...Read More...

I asked sweetP to move closer to me today as I tried to talk about the cruelty I experienced and he choose to not hear and not move. I guess we have to understand their limitations. I also did tell sweetP today though, that I hope one day he will be in emotional, psychological or physical pain, preferably all three and will really want someone to hold his hand, or come close and NO ONE WILL AND IT WILL SERVE HIM RIGHT. Pretty mean of me, and he looked like I had just punched him but I just...Read More...

Incognito, I can imagine how scary it will be to trust that your boss will now mean what he says and says what he means. In my own FOO, everything was said with a smile but then you got punched in the stomach. You just couldn't trust what anyone said. And that has been a huge issue in therapy. Believing that T will take care of his own boundaries and I can trust that he's not angry with me or not going to get angry. So, the long and the short of it is, I totally get how scary that would be...Read More...

*inarticulate*...Lol...see..Read More...

Liese you are a good and compassionate person as evident by your understanding and forgiveness of your MIL's past behaviors. They would be difficult for anyone to understand and live with so don't be so hard on yourself. It is very sad that so many who would benefit from mental health counseling don't get it. I hope both you and your MIL find healing. Hugs TNRead More...

((((YAKU)))) Totally understand how difficult it will be. Hope you can try to take good care of yourself while H is gone. LieseRead More...

arg- had to delete, Sadly as I didn't feel ok about what I posted before for some reason. Just want to say I think it's ok to talk about whatever you need to with your T and sure it is safe to do so. hugs, BBRead More...

I also like the cool smilies... I find your proliferation of smilies in above post...endearing. I like the idea of an introduction area, it's a good one.Read More...

I mean that i am not allowed to have this, Like i shouldn't be holding my therapists baby cause our relationship is in that room and no where else. I am envading his space. I do psycho-dynamic therapy and my therapist is an expert at being blank. I think he holds his boundaries my tight. i would not say i have enmashed relationships. CNCRead More...

Thanks for the Mother's Day wishes and many blessing to all you ladies as well. I played drums at church. We had six families dedicate themselves to raising their new babies lovingly and respectfully (a reminder of when we did that with Boo two years ago...and that I'm still trying to live up to. I did not see any family (my mom's gigs weren't Boo-friendly locations and my MIL went to visit my SIL who is a new mom. We did get lunch with friends (the ones who lived with us last year) and they...Read More...

More and more TN, I love this new T!Read More...

((((Jane)))) First, love the new avatar Second - So brave of you to say this to your T!! I am so impressed! I could keep quoting your posts on this thread, and others responses, but... All this is so applicable to what I am experiencing right now, it's taken me quite a while to be able to respond to this thread. Keep your appointments with your T. Move through the pain of allowing yourself to receive the safe help. The only way out is through. And yes, I'm saying this to you as much as I'm...Read More...

I am keeping aware of what you are writing here Yaku - keeping you in mind and sending you all my best wishes and caring thoughts. Still feel useless on the commenting front, and again want to apologise. the only thing that I seem able to say is that my sweeetP runs over so much I have given up trying to work out how long a session is. Formally it was meant to be 75 minutes, but it is always 100 minutes or more. He actually seems to be scheduling in 2 hours and tries to end it after 100...Read More...

Thanks, Liese. It's so hard to tell if H actually IS feeling threatened or I am just projecting that onto him, since it is how I would feel if our situations were reversed. It could be he is just teasing me, because he can tell it gets to me. He does that all the time, given pretty much any opportunity. It's like a little boy pulling a girl's hair...Read More...

(((UV))) Thanks so much. Getting kind of worked up with Mother's Day being tomorrow (not even feeling like I deserve or want to be celebrated), so this was a good reminder. I think a lot of my feelings are tied to being a mom figure to my two little sisters and the fact that my H's condition affected them and I couldn't or didn't protect them as I should have. I have lost some of my role in their lives as a result. It hurts so F---ing bad. Ugh, stuff I want to say right now belongs in either...Read More...

Monte- this is wise. Some people find the missing piece in God. Some say- the missing piece is the reason for their spiritual seeking, their spiritual journey. Many HUGS to you - (((((((((((((((MTF)))))))))))))) ps- i just found this- " May you experience the Love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete (whole) with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." "Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong, and may you...Read More...

The interview with Mark was indeed very good. I will be waiting for it to come out here near me. Shaking your Fist at God resonated so much with me because when our son was killed I did exactly that for I felt he had turned away from me in my grief. TY AG for posting this.Read More...

Incognito, This is huge!! Good for you!Read More...

So Monte, Are you saying it's okay for me to want these things from him or any therapist for that matter? Or that I am trying to script thing? Or he is trying to script things? Sorry just a little confused about your post. LieseRead More...

thanks everyone I touched on something that came with a huge physical and emotional response today w my T. It surprised me. I got on my bike afterwards, and it totally feels like the world is moving very slowly... and I have been shakey and nauseous (all of which my T says makes sense). It feels really weird, but it helps to know I'm not alone. It's frustrating for me... it's like "dang it, the trauma is over... not this now!" But I know too that this trauma response got stuck in my body in...Read More...

DF, Thank you for being so gracious and quick to forgive. (and thank you Jane!) DF, I really appreciate that you were able to recognize that my intention was not to to hurt you, but I don't want you walking away from this feeling like the whole problem was your sensitivity or taking it too personally. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say I'm evil incarnate and my intention was not to hurt you, but nevertheless, I blew it. It was thoughtless of me to answer someone else on YOUR thread,...Read More...

Sadly, I'm sorry, I would find that one tough as well. I am very grateful that my T has been married for 38 years (I figure at this point, it's probably going to last. ) It really helped me feel safe to know that. But from everything you said about SweetP, he's really good about his boundaries, so I don't think you need to worry. AGRead More...

It's clear that he is using you to make himself feel better, and I think therein lies the trauma of it. But just because people lie, doesn't mean that they are right- just the opposite. As you siad: This is the truth of the situation, and since it is, of course oldT will have to make it look like you were entirely to blame for all that went wrong...that was the problem with him from day one- failure to *take responsibility* as your therapist- for your healing, by keeping his own boundaries...Read More...

((((SB)))) I totally would have felt judged and angry too. It's so hard when we know intellectually that T doesn't mean something a certain way, but we can't help but FEEL that they are lying or manipulating or unconsciously suggesting our worthlessness. It's confusing and painful. And, again, if she hurt you, then anger is the appropriate response. You can choose what to do with the anger, but it's OK to feel it. I'm sorry that you didn't have time to set aside for your feelings though. I...Read More...