Hi Debbie, I'm also new here and actually wrote a post about dissociation a couple of days ago also! So I can really relate to your post. I think True North put it very well. I feel exactly the same as she does, I have different parts, and states but also don't have DID. I notice really small subtle things when I regress like instead of answering my therapist with words, I tend to shrug my shoulders like a five year old would. My body language becomes very childlike and even though I'm aware...Read More...

Take full ownership off it. The more we push it away, the more we project into the world around us and experience the world as a cruel unkind place. When we sit with the voices of self loathing we actually become whole and will eventually begin to realise there is another side to us apart from this side.Read More...

(((LL))) Just take care of yourself right now.Read More...

TN, Go back and read what you wrote. It was YOU who had the hope. IMVHO, you need to own that. That hope is going to take you far in life. You could teach OldT a thing or two about hope. Again IMVHO, he didn't have hope and that's what the problem was. I don't know what your plans are in terms of your schooling but you would make a far better T than OldT. Not knowing him the way you do, my guess is that he just has charimsa but he's not the real deal. He's probably a narcissist, which is why...Read More...

I told T that it was stressful, but not my projections. He apologized and then explained. He explained so much that it got to the point of me wishing I hadn't told him it stressed me out, because he was wasting MY therapy time on trying to reassure me that it was just his blunder in a very busy day and nothing to do with me. Well, if I genuinely believed it was intentionally directed at me, I wouldn't have shown up, silly T!Read More...

Thanks everyone - I will come back and respond more specifically later. My head is rather fried right now but it is so helpful to read what everyone wrote. I sort of processed trauma with my T today - and have more new experiences and things going on in my body, heart, and mind afterwards. I don’t know how much processing I really did, it feels like I just sort of existed with the reality of traumatic events in my life. I just let myself sit with the reality of it. It was miserable to...Read More...

Awesome link, Thanks!Read More...

The floating sub in our building was unassigned today, and I was able to get his help in the classroom for a good part of today, making this Monday a lot less stressful after the weekend I had! Small Miracles really are a miracle!Read More...

Actually, Sadly, it does help knowing I'm not alone. It's especially helpful when I'm thinking with my brain and not my heart, which lately, I have been doing more heart-thinking than brain-thinking, which always gets me in trouble, at least in the immediate, though I know it's better in the long run... Seablue, I don't know why it is so hard to ask for her to call me back. I wish I could bring that up in session. Today, at least I jumped right into the topic of the message I left her on...Read More...

Thanks, BG. Feel like I'm on the edge of tears all evening.Read More...

Thanks Yaku, thank you Smiley- you're really sweet. BBRead More...

Hi Yaku, I've wondered this a lot, too. My T talks a lot about integration...integrating feelings, emotions, memories, etc. I've dissociated a lot of stuff as well, and so little of it has come back that I wonder if it ever will. I've been in therapy for 2 years, 1 of those with my current T, and for the most part, I still don't feel much and don't remember much. I just wanted to quote something that Jane said, though: I really, really, really relate to this. The reason I don't want it from...Read More...

Aww, Sadly, you're sweet. I am doing well. I had a post with more details about my session, but I got PAD about feeling like I put too much of my own stuff out there, so I deleted it. I basically have sent T a list of all the things my inner kiddo wants from him and the way I use Evil Projection T to restrain her from doing so. There are some things I definitely would like from him (like a different seating configuration, more of certain types of interaction he already gives me, maybe a...Read More...

Hi Confused and welcome. I'm glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you and hear your story. TNRead More...

((((TN))))Read More...

Thanks, Monte. I do think it's good for him to leave things open for me when things need to run over...but also that we were doing it almost every time was probably setting me up for disaster in the long run. Honestly, I wish all sessions were 1.5 hours long, because the ones that have run that long are the ones I leave most grounded from. Any longer is too exhausting and any shorter I either leave regretting having held stuff in and not connecting or having started something we couldn't...Read More...

DF, So glad that you saw T and it helped! Sorry about the headache. Good for you being so open with T. Hope you had a good lunch and soon a good dinner.Read More...

thanks stoppers, BG, and mlc. Stoppers - you have a good idea of calling someone to talk. after you posted, i did and it helped. and it still helping. BG - I like the idea of tea or hot chocolate. Almost is like trying to replace it with something else that would be good for me and (feels ok too). I am desperate to escape. I used to be able to escape in other ways without this. damn this is nightmarishly hard. mlc - that is so good to hear right now that this, the craving, the desire, the...Read More...

It is very reassuring that he gets feedback to ensure that he is doing the best for you. Thank you for posting and being honest about this session and how it is going, it is helpful to hear how you communicate and yet have difficulties communicating too. Yet are talking about this, together. Very helpful.Read More...

AG, first, so glad the procedure went well, that you were a rather pleasant patient, and that you're home and recovering! Aside from the incredible insight from your post, I really appreciate your candidness - this is not something to sugar coat, and that you are still being challenged sometimes is good to hear (while the challenge does stink, I would imagine) because it's REAL. It's honest. And it's so helpful that you've shared. (((AG)))Read More...

I totally get this LG. I have spent the last month and a half curled up in a ball on the comfy chair in my Ts office. I do know that I'm sinking into it like a kid (it's an oversized chair - I'm rather petite, so I look like a kid in the chair) and curling up wrapping my arms around my knees and twirling my hair. This past session, actually, I even started talking back to my T in that snotty tone I used to use when I was fed up with my parents. She laughed, but I totally felt like I was 13...Read More...

These are great! Love it!Read More...

Thanks BB, I am still pro holding and touch in therapy myself, it is being proved to re wire neural pathways fast especially from early years trauma, but sweetP is certainly emotionally holding me, and that is such a good feeling. I find that the fact that he was prepared to say no kindly and also risk being wrong in that answer - was a very helpful experience as I visibly saw him wrestle with the dilemma of trying to work out what was right for me, in his own view, whilst not being entirely...Read More...

Nice example LG of something I can relate to VERY well! Thanks. Freud thanks for explaining that, I see what you meant now, sorry I misread your post. LLRead More...

keep us posted on how you are managing to get through those exams... good luck on them! BeebsRead More...