Butterfly, I read your thread, and I'm sorry your T said that to you, it made me feel a little bit achy because hearing that would leave me feeling confused, too. I think that you can be more independent and stronger/healthier...AND deserve and be worthy of love and nurturing and support! I don't have any wise words, but I'm thinking of you and hoping your T has some words which can help soothe you when you meet with your T again.Read More...

My T1 said there wasn't anything she could do to report someone. I didn't ask why, but maybe it has to do with how many years have passed or perhaps it is indeed related to confidentiality, but she did say she wouldn't be able to tell anyone.Read More...

Ruby - Of course, I don't mind! It is actually very relieving to know that someone can identify these exact same feelings (states or selves even). I really appreciate you sharing your experiences here.Read More...

I sent the PM to the MyShrink Editor, because I thought that was the right one to do. I haven't been around long enough to know there was a separate Shrinklady account to send to. I got a PM responding to that today and have been given access.Read More...

LG, I was really moved by reading this and I am pleased that you were finally able to grieve your own loss and that it was a healing expereince for you. I am however really sorry you had to experience both losses in the first place . Thank you for sharing this, this really gives me hope. (((LG))) ButterflyRead More...

DF, This sounds like typical crazy making behavior that is so common in abusive situations. It is enough to drive anyone mad and is so confusing. First off, it may be that your mother is being genuine in her emails and isn't trying to manipulate or bait you at all. Given the heavy use of substances, I'd venture to guess that it is possible that they don't even remember a good deal of the horrible things that they did or said to you. So, like you did to survive, they have also...Read More...

LL you couldn't have said it better. Yaku, I so get this. I actually have severe adverse reactions when I get complimented. I get completely nauseous and go numb. It's an automatic response, and I really don't like it, but have no other coping mechanisms. I so don't feel deserving of anything good coming back to me, it's my job to send the good out to the world. Hopefully, when I'm in a better place of being able to receive "good" things, there will still be some out there for me.Read More...

its nice to see you starfish and LL - sorry, meant to say hi earlier, lovely to see you again! MH, i am glad everyone is being so supportive of you, those are the voices to listen to puppetRead More...

Thanks AG for thinking of us I love it too, starfishRead More...

***Triggers - forgot to add that I don't have access yet, either, but did send a message*** Hi Springreen, I didn't SI for a long time until I started therapy (and it was a while into it before I started). What triggered it is that I remembered a time when I was really young that I hurt myself, and I've had a tough time since remembering that. I'm not all that verbal about it, even though I have mentioned it on here before, but I also have an ED and struggle with alcohol. But these behaviors...Read More...

((((Yaku)))) Thank you so much for sharing. Maybe it feels a bit scary to post, that but I'm super glad you did. I feel a bit honored that you would share that with us. Btw, you are a beautiful writer! I am moved by what you wrote. It's very profound... As far as the content of that entry, first let me say, you don't sound crazy or anything like that at all. (just incase the reassurance helps) It is well written, like the other entries. It does have a different feel to it than the other two...Read More...

1. My superhero power would be to fly. I used to have the most amazing dreams when I was kid about being able to fly and can still feel the poignant sadness each time I would wake and realize I couldn't really fly. It was such an incredible feeling. 2. If I could spend a day with my T, I would want to go out on his sailboat for the day. I LOVE to sail. Being on a sailboat is a place where I feel very grounded and very clearly myself and often experience a deep sense of joy. To be able to...Read More...

Yeah, I PMed as soon as it came up last night. I was up with insomnia. I'm just being silly...I'm not really that impatient (yet), but thanks, AG!Read More...

Great to see you posting, LL. Your T sounds lovely. My T's office isn't all that big - there's a couch and her chair and another off to the side (but that also seems to mainly be for "empty chair" exercises and such). I've sat on the floor a few times, and T has sat on the floor with me every time. The only time I sit on the floor, though, is if I feel like I need to curl up because of some intense emotion and I've asked T if she would put her arm around me. The reason that doesn't happen...Read More...

thanks so much everyone. Your acceptance of me in this has helped me have more courage to accept myself and face this. I find that today, it's like I want to hide from the fact that I posted about this and that it is going on for me now! Yes, I want to hide from the hiding. shiesh. But I'm not going to. I think I'm going to ask my T if there is something we can do to explore this more... Maybe find something I can do with my hands with the intention to focus on this stuff. I love the pottery...Read More...

LG, So sorry to hear about your friend. (((hugs)))Read More...

((((Sadly))) I wish I could say more - my brain is fried - but I will for sure be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers while you are away on your trip to India, especially since that is where you went through awful abuse and pain... I can understand about craving and grieving that kind of comfort of being held. (maybe it's not all lost... can I ask, what about your H? oh, I'm sure you have gone there already.) Yay! you deserve such a good T after all you have been through. I'm also glad...Read More...

Beebs, Thinking of you. LieseRead More...

Yaku, How beautiful!Read More...

DF: Oooh, we have tons of Tinker Toys at my house! I've got boys. I hope you have fun with them and you managed to get some sleep. PF: I've heard of Kinder chocolate and I hear it is really good. Wow, no candy?! I wish I didn't like it. Oh stuffed animals in the bed...yes, I have a stuffed kitty.Read More...

Thanks AG!Read More...

Hello Smiley I’ve been off forum for quite a while now and I see you haven’t posted for ages. I hope you are still hanging in there, and maybe if you are still reading drop in here and say hi, let us know how you’re doing? Hugs to you (((( Smiley )))) LLRead More...

Still thinking of you. I've been imagining all evening what it would be like to be held by someone I could trust, held and count on it not to turn into something violating. I want so badly to just be wrapped up in someone else's care. I'm feeling really connected to your sense of mourning right now. I hope you're doing OK. (((((hugs)))))Read More...

A mean part of me wants to unfriend him, but that is so lame. So, I will just keep my mouth shut. I will never tell him I feel abandoned. His Dad walked away from their family and remarried and prioritized his new family. He completely screwed over my grandmother (the one I was so attached to) and 90% of the family won't even speak with my grandfather...including my dad. Is it stupid that, despite feeling injured, I care about how much it would hurt my father to feel like he had done the...Read More...

Hi Liese! I have trouble forming relationships with people too… that’s pretty much my main problem. To answer your question about how you talk about that, I’ll give you some examples from my therapy, I don’t know if it would be the same for you, but maybe it would give you somewhere to start or something concrete. We talk (or actually my T talks) a lot about my ‘style relate’- meaning the way I relate to everyone, including him. For example two sessions ago my T was explaining something and...Read More...