Maybe you can bring that up to her. My T does the same thing and I have told him that the inconsistency is confusing to me.Read More...

I was doing OK this morning...and then the sermon at church was very triggering. The pastor talked about the four different types of difficulties we face: trials, temptations, trespasses and troubles. The first two, yeah, sure whatever. But when he was talking about trespasses of others against us (even saying the word "abuse") and troubles brought on by our own choices, I got triggered into feeling attacked. I started feeling things happening to me. I had to hide in the bathroom. And then I...Read More...

Yep, I get that popup for my messages as well and I have to click on it and read what I wrote and then it will go away. It is super annoying!Read More...

Go MH!!! nothing like asking for something and not only getting it, but feeling validated in the process. Way to go!Read More...

Not in that way. I'm trying to work on a way to tell her that. I have to admit (I'm in denial, ashamed etc) that I sent her an absolute war and peace document just after my session telling her how it is for me in that room. You are probably right PF. I know that she has been there for me consisently, and that she has had to deal with a lot of sh*t from me and yet she's still there... but, if she could just repeat those words you wrote in a very unforced manner, that would be so nice :-)...Read More...

Hey Deepfers, I gotta agree with STRM here, that this seems like the important stuff! I wonder if maybe it will be easier this time round for you, simply because you have already done it once through with your regulariT. I'm pretty sure your T won't be disappointed to hear it - in the grand scheme of things, it's actually really exciting and healthy that you are feeling safe enough to draw closer and feel scared, if that makes sense. And your T isn't into judging you, remember? Big hug, JonesRead More...

Just testing my siggy....Read More...

Awww, Sadly. Maybe you could write and ask him about it. What it made you think, but you were afraid of misinterpreting things? That might be a bit scary, I know. I keep saying how I want T to come sit with me and put an arm around me or give me a hug, but in the end, if he went 99.99% of the way and expected me to be the one to initiate it, I'm not sure I could. That .01% chance of rejection feels like a thousand tons crushing me.Read More...

((((Sadly)))) Thanks for the hugs. I'm sorry you are having a rough time too. Too bad we don't know each other personally, than we could both get the holding we need, whenever one of us gets all little! Texted T like crazy. He finished reading my email and said everything was OK. I let him know all the awful things I was projecting and how when he said N was "immature" that it made me feel like he had revoked my right to feel angry/injured by what happened, and I feel so stupid for needing a...Read More...

LG - I aspire to be like you someday!Read More...

oh god, it was quite awful. What do you do when you cannot talk because your whole body is shaking and your heart is about to pound its way out of your chest? the slightest noise outside the room frightens you so much you want to hide under the table? What do you do when your P is so kind and understanding and tries so hard to get you to talk, to tell him what you are going through and all you have in your head is fear and no words? What do you do when after 90 minutes of this, you...Read More...

Oh Monte, I don't think I can do it. I literally have NO memories of my mother ever giving me a hug or kiss until I called her on it when I was already 21...and she is so awkward about it that it feels disgusting to me, like an invasion or an unwilling act. I know she did when I was an infant/toddler, but not even often then according to some family sources. And my father only hugged me hello and goodbye and was very awkward about kisses. The most physical contact we had was sports, like...Read More...

I never see my session notes but T2 writes down literally everything I say. I am amazed at her ability to be so totally present with me and maintain eye contact and convey empathy all the while she is writing frantically everything I am saying. I do not think T1 takes notes, but I can't see her since its on the phone but I do not recall her ever taking notes when I met with her in high school.Read More...

Wow LG, that is so sweet that you remembered your father like that. Great day to have a birthday on!! My oldest son's middle name is Patrick so he has always loved the 17th. ~D.Read More...

LG, I get this as well, and have always thought it was some form of hypeventilation. See below: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperventilation beathing doesn't have to be very fast or deep, mind. breathing exc help, I find.Read More...

Hi Mayo... If I helped you in any way then I'm glad I wrote about my session. That's what it's all about... sharing our stuff and hopefully someone else will be helped by it. Halo, thanks for your kind words. Holding boundaries and being professional is so important to keeping us safe. I'm glad you have that too after the first bad experience. And yes I'm warm and cosy with my T now. He makes therapy a good and safe place to be. TNRead More...

Yay!!! That's a great thing to be right about. I'm happy for you.Read More...

BB - You have said that emails you've written your T could be changed a bit and be written to your H or parents. I'm wondering if that (transference) is what is responsible for you projecting with him so much more than with SD. For example, I am almost as open with my pastor as I am with my T, but my T has this whole channeling fatherly energy thing going on and so there is so much more "gravity" in my relationship with him. So, not only do I project more often, but they are so strong. The...Read More...

Oh, BB, not because of what you said. I'm just feeling overly needy by posting so much lately. JD, everyone, thanks for all your input. I'm really struggling to be patient with myself with all of this. Hopefully, I will learn to pace myself, as T suggests, soon. I wouldn't count on it, though.Read More...

Ah, yes. I see you have sought and found the golden bunny, as well LG. Your great wisdom will be rewarded.Read More...

Sparkle, I can totally relate to this and thank you for putting it so nicely into words I could never seem to find. I did this very thing with my T but I was unable to effectively convey those feelings to her at the time. Of course, she thought my action equated to anger -- far from it. Unlike your situation, I was able to reconnect with my therapist and ask for ongoing sessions and we worked through that less than graceful departure of mine. All that said, I'd be inclined to tell you not to...Read More...

BB - I don't think your T is engineering the email problems, but I want to validate you that I would feel my T was if that was happening to me too. I hope you can (even gently) bring up in your individual session how his not taking care of the conferencing as he ensured you he would made you feel unheard, ignored, neglected even. You can even say you know it was an honest mistake, but those feelings were being drawn out of you and maybe that would be a good thing to explore...in case the...Read More...

DF, Please don't delete. It was very informative and I'm going to go back and read it again.Read More...

Hi Caeti, I am on a few of the same ones as you, I take 50mg Seroquel at night (good for sleeping), Clonazepam .5mg morning and lunch and 2mgs at night. I also take 50mg largactil at night at 200mgs of Pristiq in the morning. I am not sure what the Buspar is, is that an anti-depressant or a sedative? I have heard of the citalopram. The Seroquel is very good for anxiety and so is the Clonzaepam. I find it hard to wake up in the morning but if I have a shower as soon as I get up I feel...Read More...

Thanks for the reassurance, you guys. H can be very judgmental about strange things, considering he can be very weird himself. I do feel like I want to be as transparent with H as possible. H says he doesn't really care, as long as I know I CAN be. T thinks that me doing that is very good. I told T, frankly, that because I am being so vulnerable with him (T), I want to make sure that I am being equally or more vulnerable with H to preserve my emotional intimacy. There is a lot of hurt over...Read More...