That is great Debbye! I'm glad you were able to talk it through with your T and he responded so well.Read More...

thanks for the encouragment everyone. Today was hard, but better. I'm very exhausted and have a lot to deal with tomorrow. on call T just called me about 30 minutes ago and left a voicemail message. I haven't checked it, and I just don't want to. I really don't want to know what she said or why she is calling me now 24 hours later. ugh, just leave me alone... I don't need more triggers for feeling icky stuff... DF ~ that tune for Tetris is addictive! Mahjong too! oh no, I'm not even playing...Read More...

Thanks for the support, Jane. I'm still feeling so disgusted at having friends in common, especially four family members...but it can't be helped, as I don't really have enough trust in those people (sad, in the case of my sisters) to want to tell them about it. My family turns everything into drama and gossip and this is NOT something I want talked about, especially behind my back.Read More...

((((JANE))))) I cry too! Sometimes more that others. I always try to cover it up before I go out in public. I like LG's idea. Although, STRM makes a good point about why do we feel we have to cover it up???Read More...

He's trying to get you to see how it would feel if you did give up therapy and had to get by with just your H. He's trying to get you to decide if it's the worth the money to you. Only you can decide that Beebs.Read More...

Liese, I'm so glad that you were able to experience your T's care for you. That seems really good. I can see that it didn't last long, however, as one who feels better for about 5 minutes after a session before the bad thoughts come crowding back in, I have to congratulate you- you have that session, and that good experience, of your T making you important, and that is vital, and nothing can take it away. Now- get on that phone, girl and *ask* for what you want! That bad-ass T ain't gonna...Read More...

There have been 3 times my T has initiated a text to check on me following an unusual period of silence on my part. She has written something along the lines of, "Thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok. I haven't heard from you for awhile so I don't know." Two of those 3 times were during her vacations when I withdrew in order to cope. There have also been periods of silence when she did not inquire how I was doing. Those have usually been periods of time when I had expressed anger...Read More...

Hi CNC, my T doesn't do email. If she did, I'd definitely be using it. However, she does text, but not with all her clients, only some of them. As for how it came about...well, it wasn't until about 5 months into my therapy. I had known all along that my T had an "emergency phone" because this information was told to me by the receptionist on the first appointment, and the number for it used to be printed on the appointment reminder cards (it isn't there anymore - long explanation for that).Read More...

Yaku, It makes me sad to hear you write that you hate yourself for not being able to tend to your mother's needs today. However, I can relate as I often feel guilty for not being able to talk to my brother who is very ill. Somedays it is just too much for me to deal with and I feel selfish for not being able to meet his needs. But what service are we to others if we cannot take care of ourself first and foremost. This situation with your mother in some ways makes me think of how allow...Read More...

LG - Ugh. H and I pay $125 a session (discounted from his usual $150 rate), but he usually goes the whole hour. It ends up as $375 every two weeks, though, and now that I offered to try to give him something for these phone sessions he has been giving me, it will be even more. I can't imagine paying $135 for only 45 minutes.Read More...

It's been a long day that has left me exhausted in every way and I'm so tired I can barely think straight. But in the midst of my own stuff, those in Japan who are going through such pain and devasation, continue to be on my heart and mind. My tears keep breaking through the suface. Before I fall asleep, I just wanted to quickly say that I am so glad for what everyone has shared. It helps a lot... I'm so thankful for you all. I hope to come back and write more later. I'm glad this thread has...Read More...

I have 85 friends on FB. Sometimes I feel like de-friending the people who have hundreds of friends because they probably won't even know I'm gone (but de-friending people who have less than 100 means they'd be able to find out who the rat was). DF - you crack me up, I have a friend on FB who's a pastor/author and he's always posting up pictures of the food he eats when he's traveling. I love it. My daughter and husband like to cook so sometimes they'll put up a picture of what they made.Read More...

BB, I experience exactly what you are talking about. I have an Angry state, an Anxious state and a Victim (scared) state that come out and F--- my life up. I have two functional states (Caregiver and Intellectual) that help me get by. When Angry or Victim take over, I think and do things that make no sense at other times. When they go away, the thoughts and actions no longer make sense, as if I was a different person, but aware of everything that happened. I always just assumed it was...Read More...

Tom Cruise all the way. At least, he drives ME insane! Worst case of denial ever. According to Tom, depression doesn't exist. It's all pseudoscience (but remember, Scientology is pure science ).Read More...

Sadly, I am happy that you are getting this out of your head and being able to share it with current T and get the reassurance that you are in no way to blame for what happened. It makes me sick to know that oldT is practicing in the UK. UGH. Sick.Read More...

hi twin, i've been thinking about how you're coping and i'm glad you're getting some support here. i'm sorry to say i missed out and i didn't know PG very well, she seemed lovely and so caring and her love of icecream (and life) brought lightness and joy to this forum. my heart breaks for your loss. i have a sister whom i'm very close to and i can't even imagine losing her. i hope you can still feel her presence through the memories you share and i hope that will begin to bring you comfort...Read More...

thank you jane, you are so sweet to think of me! i'm afraid i've been keeping myself busy and in denial but now i'm falling apart again. i suppose i have to feel it at some stage... i had this vision of a little girl (me) frantically searching through this big dark old house, kept opening doors and trying to see through the darkness and she wouldn't give up, kept looking even though she was tired, even though she had looked in those dark rooms only moments earlier...... and i'm at a complete...Read More...

Of course I ignored the trigger warning. And of course I am crying now. I can cry for a fictional girl in a video, but not for the "little girl" I was (still am somewhere deep down) who had so many awful experiences. Hrm...love dissociation. But, also, it makes me so proud about how hard I am working with H to keep our family together and give my little girl a different life. I don't want to forget that I had a choice, just a year ago, that could have meant a very different home and...Read More...

So glad you have such a fun connection with T1 and that your courage to text her paid off. I know this vacation will be so much easier on you now. Praying things go well with T2!!!Read More...

Well yesterday sucked balls. I did not do well with the food, but I didn't let myself get into the danger zone. I don't have an ED, but I have some major food allergies that make me pretty sick. I actually tried to make other plans for today, but as seemed to be the pattern for this weekend, they fell through as well. LG - I did end up watching some movies I had DVRd, and am catching up on a few TV shows I DVRd as well. I cleaned, too, which I hate to do, so it was a productive way to get my...Read More...

Ugh, having a P.A.D. moment right now. How about this one: -Suddenly and irrationally projecting that everyone hates you (or is at least irritated with you) and getting the urge to delete your account and go hide under a (virtual) rock. Blah. Sometimes I wish I could take my brain out of my head and wash it.Read More...

So... MTF.... how was the tiramisu? Translated from the Italian it means "pull me up or pick me up" which is because it's doused with espresso coffee LOL and does wake you up LOL. I'm glad to hear things went well but that is because you were courageous enough to put it all out there on the line. It's been a rough few weeks for you but you hung in there. I'll bet you also taught her a few things along the way. I wouldn't shred or burn your journals because at some point it will be important...Read More...

Incognito I'm sorry the past days have been so hellish for you but I am so pleased to see how well you worked through it and it seems that you have just taken a big step forward. Regarding the quote above... your T really does understand that he will have to keep reassuring you and reminding you and discussing your trust issues and put them into the context of your past. He has no problem doing that and you need to hear him that it's okay and it does not mean you are going backwards. It's...Read More...

BB, Read on another thread that you asked for and got weekly sessions. So happy for you.Read More...

I knew that posting here would make me feel a little better! Thanks everyone for your responses. Here is a little more info. in response to your questions. I will respond to each individually because it is a lot. Springgreen- My reservations about Consult T... she has just one review written about her online and it is horrible... sounds like someone was really mad at her like I am mad at my t. right now. Then I mentioned her to an acquaintance who works in the mental health field around here...Read More...