So, so, SO agreed with wanting "to cancel the next appointment so I never have to miss her again. ugh." Ugh, indeed! I am like that too, but usually it really kicks in after a couple of days. The first little bit after a session, I generally feel more connected with my humanity and with my feelings. After a couple of days, though, I'm like, "Okay, I want to see my T again, but I can't, so I just want to be over with this already!" But I'm never really over it. So, I start to really miss my T...Read More...

Hi Twin, it is just lovely to have you here. Thank you for joining us. I hope this place will make you feel a bit closer to PG. I'm so very glad to see that you have joined us. I'm sorry I didn't comment sooner, but I've been missing lots and lots of threads lately, and simply didn't see this one until today! Love, BBRead More...

Room 2 grow- I like your fantasy version. (Except my T is a guy- so it might be weird)Read More...

You go DF!! A fresh start in a positive directionRead More...

Yaku I remember that lost feeling. I had a difficult time learning to listen to myself and figure out what I wanted and needed. But that is what therapy was all about. My T created a safe place I could play and explore in to figure out who I really was and want I really wanted. It's really an incredible feeling when you get there. AGRead More...

((((((Sadly))))))) From everything you've described about your P, I'm sure he will understand. He is right, you DO have enormous courage!!!Read More...

Thanks. I feel like I communicated the idea, but not the symptoms. And so, maybe I felt like he didn't understand how distressing it is, because I kept saying, "This attachment and dependency stuff is distressing," and saying how it was really heavy. He asked me why and tried to get at my thoughts underneath the idea, but I left feeling like he got the concept, but not the weight or even the fact that it was 99.99% directed at him, I guess. So, I sent him an email detailing some of the...Read More...

Thanks Jones, that is really encouraging. I'm doubting your words, of course, since they are so positive, but I'm also taking them in. I do fear that I am isolating and that is certainly one of my motives- to disappear, or at least, cease to exist to my T because it's safer than how angry I feel at my T for abandoning me in pain and not loving me. It's all about the money. I just can't afford him, and he doesn't give a shit. In fact, he's piling it all onto me just when I need him the most,...Read More...

Liese, BB, Yaku, LG, STRM ~ thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers... I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I mixed up the appointment times for my regular T, but we were able to talk on the phone. Then I got to go see my eq T. It went well. I felt a lot better and much more settled. Then a couple hours after, I think I had like a seperation anxiety attack. I called my regular T, and just told her what was going on. I didn't ask for a call back, but she called me...Read More...

That's OK, BB. I've admitted the transference, but I still need to tell my T that I am a dissociative borderline with attachment injuries. Because, obviously my wikipedia searches are on par with his PhD in psychology, right? I think he will probably point out that the labels are not helpful and say something about how God isn't interested in labeling me, but healing me. I feel like I want to scream, "Please, define this horrible experience for me!" For some reason, I feel like a label would...Read More...

T has never given me homework, I think if i asked him to he would give me another speech on how I'm the only one who knows what I need, and everything I need to heal is inside of me (which i don’t mind because I love those speeches). But not a week goes by that i don’t have some sort of assignment for myself, besides spending at least 2 hours listening, processing, and journaling my sessions. And yes, I always (almost always) go over what I worked on with T. If it’s a book or workbook then...Read More...

that made me smile :-)Read More...

What an ass. Now I've never been married, but I think your Husband should be your #1 supporter, more so than your T. If you were in a serious crisis, would he just make fun of you for that too? :/ You're right, that is such BS and it makes me so irritated just reading about it. I hate it when people don't take things seriously or assume you're exaggerating. My dad didn't blink when I told him I was assaulted, he assumed I was exaggerating and just drunk (which I wasn't, I was hysterical more...Read More...

Ugh. Still don't know whether I am seeing T tonight or not. He said he might be sick, but never texted to cancel. So, I texted this morning to ask if we are meeting for our session. No reply yet. I was feeling good this morning, like it's OK if I don't see him...but now I am panicking again. And my new client (a friend) just told me she can't handle separating from her kid yet, so I get one day of work and lose the rest. I'm at peace, because I was concerned I wouldn't be able to emotionally...Read More...

Yes, indeed!Read More...

Nice to see you, Marsh-Read More...

BG - those boundaries are so important. I'm the only one who doesn't do financial entanglement stuff with my mother. Low and behold, I'm the only one with any sort of independence and credit score to speak of. It doesn't mean I won't be there for her. I've been helping her a lot with documents for a legal issue she's dealing with. But, I'm not going to do anything that jeopardizes my ability to care for my own family. It's a really hard line to draw, but essential!Read More...

What she said!!!Read More...

On my first birthday with oldT he just said "I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday" ... he knew because it was a session with my son and my son who was 8 at the time told him because he was excited. On my next birthday which was a beautiful day, I brought in donuts and a book I was reading that had resonated with me. So we ate dounts and I read to him some passages from the book and we talked about them and then at the end of the session he VERY unexpectedly hugged me for the first time.Read More...

For what it is worth, I have quit several times just to feel the relief of me being in control. After a few days or a week, when I start to feel differently, I let myself call them for an appointment and go back. They do not seem to be fazed by it.Read More...

I get this a lot. I think it is so rough for me to deal with because it is exactly what happens in my family, and I've never liked the anticipation of whatever it is, as it was often something that wasn't necessarily in my favor. I think it's totally passive-aggressive, just not in as hurtful of a way as it often seen. Personally, I've done this many, many times, especially in my past, when I was hurting and in need of feeling special. I never took it far, more of a "hey, did you hear?"...Read More...

I think being honest is the way to go. I too worry about being pushed away. Honest got me berated, threatened and kicked out of my home throughout my youth. But, there are safe people to be honest with. Like the others have said, T is a good start. I am slowly taking steps into relationships with people I think I can count on with that honesty. Right now, it's just my T, my pastor and his wife, a set of friends from church who has similar family history...but it is slowly increasing. I also...Read More...

The only pattern I really can see between T1 and T2 is that I have to pay both of them to take an interest in my life.Read More...

Hi SG, My smpathy to you over the loss of you pet. I know that it is painful. In addition I am very sorry that your mom just doen't get it and Probably won't. That is a rejection from hell. Never could understand that type of behavior. (((((((((((((((SG)))))))))))))))Read More...

I would keep being yourself and do what feels right for you and they can say if they don't like it. I shake hands a lot with people in formal settings and did with my P when I first met him but was aware he was completely stunned by it. I touched him!! (horrors!). Normally I give and receive hugs in therapy and am held when the pain has me sobbing like a small child, but this P as you have probably read, has never touched a patient in his entire 23 years of practicing, so we are well tangled...Read More...