Confused... about why therapy has made me worse and not better so far. Other than connecting with another human being and being able to begin trusting/needing someone else, everything has gone down hill. I've struggled with depression (and related thoughts) all my life, but never gestured until therapy. I've struggled with hating myself, but never physically punished myself until therapy. I've struggled with anxiety, but never had it cripple me into not achieving the things I absolutely must...Read More...

Thank you all for your responses. It has made me think =) I feel that she pushes me to talk even though i feel uncomfortable with her. I'm not seeing this T at the moment as we sort have never developed a rapport. I think the idea of posting was just coming to terms with my experience.Read More...

Thanks. I appreciate both of your encouragement. I guess I just wish I could edit out the passages of the Bible where being authentic and humble in our brokenness before God involved all those "one anothers." Like, if I could be childlike without the having to be loved, prayed for, have my burdens carried by another, confessing to others...you know, all that stuff which becomes problematic when you just can't trust people? That would be great!!! I guess I'm just getting frustrated, because...Read More...

Incognito, I love your "all roads lead to Rome" analogy. I have felt that way quite a few times lately so much so that it was either I quit therapy or I approach a particular topic. When I was having the "you don't care about me" conversation, at one point I told T this story about when I was little. I used to play with this mean girl all the time. When I went to her house, she told me I could have a yodel or an apple and which one did I want. I kept saying, I don't care, I don't care. She...Read More...

I noticed it was missing too. I was thinking the same as MH so thanks for the reassurance, AG. ~D.Read More...

He has been incorporating them, but my transference stuff makes it less successful than when other people respond to me in the way I asked. I am still constantly freaking out about how he hates me even though, logically, I know he doesn't.Read More...

Could you start by saying something like "There's something I want to tell you, but I'm afraid to speak about it because other therapists have reacted poorly in the past" That could be one way to start. Even if you don't tell her that day, at least it starts the conversation. Also, it gives her a bit of time to let the info sink in. She won't be completely blind sighted by the news. It sounds like you've built a relationship with this person and she should be accepting of all of you. I know...Read More...

Honestly, when I first started therapy I wouldn't have been able to articulate any of these things. I think my goal would have been - try not to cry all the time I think it's worthwhile to think about goals in this way and try to imagine what you want from therapy and your life. If you are strong enough to imagine this and articulate these needs, then kudos to you. I do think that some people (myself included) come to therapy and aren't able to articulate goals or what they want from life.Read More...

I'm sorry that this is so hard for you. My T has cried before and I also found it incredibly difficult. I cannot cry and to see him tear up was really challenging for me. I imagine that your T cares for you deeply and is feeling pain. I think it's worth asking if this is a soft spot or if she has personal experience with this issue.Read More...

TN, You deserve to have this beautiful experience after all you went through. This guy will not let you down. The attachment stuff is psychodynamic? It just seems so basic. My T has no problem with me getting attached to him. He knows he's the center of my world and he tries to make that comfortable for me. Even though the treatment approach is different, don't the CBT's have to have a general theory of the mind and dysfunction?Read More...

No, but deleting is!! j/k do whatever ever works for you, BB.Read More...

I find the same thing in my profession. I shirk away compliments as they bother me immensely. A small part of me (my superego, I believe) loves the compliments, but the rational part of me is always questioning my worthiness of receiving them. I hope that all of our Ts get satisfaction out of creating a safe space so that their clients can comfortably open up. I hope they also get satisfaction out of the fact that they are able to hold the trust of the least trusting people. I can imagine...Read More...

I journalled with all of my previous therapists but burnt them all in 2006 (long story and I really regret it as they could truly help me now) when my ex C started holding me in June, the dramatic change in me and my interior awareness was so dramatic that I wrote it out as a story and that is how my blog started. EMDR T asked me in December to write a journal and I resisted but did because she kept asking me to. I now find I write my deepest most secret things in that and really allow...Read More...

I will gladly answer any that I can!Read More...

Very wise words AG. This is something that I work on with T as well. It's hard and not an instant process, but it is a work in progress.Read More...

Thanks, my sister seems to be doing really well. My nephew is a bit traumatized, stuck to his Mom. I have to watch him five hours tonight and he screams if she even hands him to me for a few minutes. I have been his major caregiver outside of her, but he's just freaked out. I'm struggling to process my own stuff with people around all the time (I can deal with people sometimes, but am introverted enough I definitely need alone time to recharge and my sister is very extroverted). So, I'm...Read More...

Wow, MH, and Monte too- I could have written that. I'm so sorry you feel this way, I know it is awful, but it won't last forever- I *have* to believe that. One thing that this whole thing has pointed out to me, is that the whole "cry it out" method of child-rearing that is *still* so prevalent, even in our knowledgable age, is truly hellish for a baby to experience. I knew beyond doubt that I was re-experiencing that in the relationship with my T- before I ever visited this website or did...Read More...

Dear PG's sister, I’m so sorry for you and your family's loss. You are so kind to honor your dear sister's wish to let as all know about the loss of your dear sister. She was a wonderful caring and kind person! She will be sorely missed here but she will always be remembered! My prayers for you and your family through this terrible loss.Read More...

Welcome back, DF! Tongue piercing? Nice! That's hot.Read More...

Interesting thread. I felt,and still feel, at times, undeserving of therapy. I voiced my concern and my T had IMHO, a GREAT reply. I was feeling incredibly guilty about wanting to have more than one session a week (I wanted 3, but scheduling allowed for 2.) She said it is not the weak that seek out counseling and support, but the opposite. She said it takes an incredibly strong and courageous person to seek therapy, to look deep inside and spend XX amount of time each week to examine...Read More...

This is making me so tempted to try, LOL. My curiosity will not win though, because I am so honest with T, I would end up telling him eventually and I don't want to have to tell him that until I'm a little more secure he's not going anywhere.Read More...

Irony makes me feel more detached and is soothing to me. So I do pick ringtones for that purpose.Read More...

Yes, exactly! #1 is constantly on my mind. #2 is what I call my "so what?" feelings. I have a jumble of things I want to talk to T about, to reveal "me" to him and be known and accepted and cared for. But #1 makes me feel those desires are unrealistic and #2 keeps me from being able to see any of the things I want to discuss as important enough to waste his time with. So, instead I waste both of our time and my money blanking out on him.Read More...

How lucky of you to have someone in your life who gives you such comfort with his words. I think that is something to treasure, revel in, enjoy--if you can. I know that when I start to feel positive feelings towards my T that I can have a hard time. It's funny how we can create rules that only apply to ourselves. I read this and think, well, of course it was okay for yakusoku to react the way she did. I understand that she had reasons to be upset, and I understand how it may feel...Read More...