Hey AG, Hope you're getting some warmer weather up there in Syracuse!Read More...

Hi LG, I think your first post is terrific. It doesn't sound defensive and communicates your feelings. I have a few reservations about asking her how she feels the phone thing is working out. Because at the end of the day, the important thing is how YOU feel. And, what if she says she's happy with it and thinks it's working fine, will you back down then and be afraid to tell her what you need to tell her? You miss so much nonverbal over the phone that I think the skype thing would be great. IMO.Read More...

Hi IHTS, You know what? I sorted out that problem without much difficulty, and no one was mad or even really saw it as too much of a mistake - just one of the things that needed to be worked out along the way. I was freaking out that my boss was disgusted at me about it - but he gave no indication of that at all. Now something else has come up and I'm feeling those feelings again (not as intense) - just trying to hold on to the rational world view. Yaku, that's a familiar story for me, too.Read More...

Thanks. I'm glad I got a late appointment too. It is much easier for me to feel safe in the evenings for some reason. I'm really struggling to not make all sorts of awful assumptions right now that I'm pissing him off with all my monitoring texts, that he thinks I'm trying to manipulate him when I'm open with my projections, that he's not really "up for" working with someone struggling so much with attachment issues, that he's going to refer me when I bring up the depth of my transference...Read More...

It's been so nice to relate to so many people. My husband keeps trying to correct me or looking at me like I'm an alien, so I feel pretty judged. I know it's not his intention, but his experience in therapy is VERY different from mine, so it's nice to hear from other people who have similar thoughts and feelings.Read More...

I don't think mine know my name if it isn't written on top of their paperwork. It would take awhile for me to think they liked me. I do not feel like I am me while I am in there with either of them, so it is not like I think they know enough to decide whether to like me or not. I mean, it is not like I act with them the way I do in real life because of the nature of the situation. It seems so artificial.Read More...

Oh aren't we all a mixed bag of nuts. well maybe you need to go back in there and fight. Maybe that's okay. Maybe you are still working through all your defenses. I guess the defenses are like getting through a thicket, huh? Hey, Jill, I never see it as lying. They have to earn our trust. They don't deserve to know everything about us. I don't think you should feel guilty about this Jill. You mightwant to understand it but feel guilty about it,no. Also, if what played out is part ofyour...Read More...

I'm trying to stay hopeful and avoid going to that place that associates feeling anything with being irrational and unpredictable like my mother. I have a daughter, so I am very conscious of not letting any of my anti-female garbage get into her head (and not to let Daddy put any in there either). I don't think I could stand to listen to my sessions at this point. I do a lot of my deep communication through journaling and when I reread the entries I've sent him, I have a myriad of negative...Read More...

it's very interesting to see how there are so many different variations - of how T's do things and of how we all react to it... my old T would have the clock facing in such a way that we both could see it. this is after i said that i would prefer if i could see it too (i think it took me about 2 years to do that, i didn't really think i had a say in stuff like that at first) my new T has the clock almost behind me so if i want to see the time, i have to turn my head. which is what i did last...Read More...

Don't worry, I enjoy and appreciate your input. I saw my name pop up as the most recent post on several threads and kind of freaked out that I look like obsessive or neglectful to my child (which I know I'm not, because she was napping during most of my posts and I tend to write pretty quickly). I hope T knows it has nothing to do with trusting or not trusting him, because the depth we've gotten to in such a short period of time is honestly astonishing to me and I've actually praised his...Read More...

Hi Mayflower! Welcome to the forums. I'm glad to see you are comfortable here already. It's a great place.Read More...

It feels almost silly to be moved by such an experience… but I do… It’s been a rough week and sometimes, I remember this and I want to just crawl up into and hold these moments… the good feelings about the moments I had with my T… and then I think of not just the feelings, but seeing her again… and I’m so ready to run. Hmm. Not the feelings so much, but experiencing them with someone else… STRM and smiley ~ thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement and understanding (and...Read More...

That's a good article. I'm somewhere in the middle on this one. I am able to let my T know when I have become frustrated or angry (and even identify to him when it has less to do with him than something going on in my head)...but, not at the moment it happens. I sometimes have angry or sarcastic commentary running in the background while he speaks encouraging words. I guess part of the way I dissociate. But that part of me really isn't interested in communicating with T, so it doesn't react...Read More...

Yea- forking over a check in session can be awkward. I try to just leave it on the side table. We never speak of money except during one of my freak out times when I called him my paid friend. I told him he had to like me because I paid him too.- and that the only reason he would listen of talk to me was because I paid him too. He had some really good answers for me at the time, but I forgot what they were. Oi- The things we put them through.Read More...

I loved Sophie in season one and am bummed that she didn't stay for season two and three. Sometimes I watch the episodes with her just to see her cry. I can't cry in therapy but somehow watching her cry feels like a release for me.Read More...

I had a similar experience with my mum where she accused me of playing "power games" when I stopped going there, because she constantly contradicted me around my kids. I agree with Blanket Girl that you need boundaries. Set firm boundaries with your husband and kids, and your mum still won't like it, but you will get to keep your sanity. One of the things that improved my relationship with my mum was finding different things to connect on, that had no emotions attached to them. Child raring...Read More...

Thanks jill and monte. Having a bad week.Read More...

Is that a picture of you LG? You are beautiful, inside and out.Read More...

I know you just a pinch. But I love reading all your post. theyre full of honesty and wisdom. Take good care and Ill miss seeing you while youre away.Read More...

Mine are between 50 to 60 minutes long. They used to run over a bit so were like 70 minutes long but I think T now has another cliet directly after me so now always makes sure we finish on time. When he first started making sure the sessions finished on time I was a bit upset by it but I'm now used to it.Read More...

ag, just getting in on this thread. it is interesting to read your recap of the tender, hard feelings of yearning that you feel. that darned t of yours is sure good though! and he puts things so well... "to not realize that would be to still hope you could get what you lost and you would keep looking for something impossible to find." oh, so true. if he gave in any, it would just leave you thirsty for more. such harsh reality. but, and i know you have kids, once you GIVE IN, you make a...Read More...

AG thank you for that wonderful and easily understandable explanation of something that is really hard for me to articulate even though I do understand what happens and the process. You were able to put it into words for me. So thank you Hugs TNRead More...

Thanks for that Sadly. I can not add much more, as i feel as you do, but I am not able to see it as clearly as you do. Although my message to him would be- I do not need you any more because I am strong enough to do this on my own now. In fact- in essence I have said this, then stayed away for a month- saw him, then stayed away for another month. I will see him tomorrow, but I don't know if I can express this. Now if- I only have the courage to say something similar to my T. Even though...Read More...

thanks so much - bought the first two tonight. Looking forward to reading them SRead More...

UV, What is ego strength? Since being involved in the wonderful world of therapy, I've come to realize that what I want from a therapist is to feel really cared about. Someone to really care about me. But then I have to ask myself, why do I need someone to really care about me? And the answer has to be that I feel so uncared for. Knowing that I feel so uncared for helps a little but doesn't stop the pain of not being cared for. The pain is unbelievable. Excruciating. At the end of the day, I...Read More...