hi permafrost! i've been in therapy for a while and in some ways i could say that when i first went (6 years ago) i wasnt really ready for therapy, i didn't really know what therapy was. but i learned, slowly and maybe slowly i became more ready. sometimes, i think even now maybe i'm not quite or i'm just getting there now... i think it's ok to start off feeling like you 'need' therapy, which means you feel the 'need' for change even though you don't yet know how you'll do that. don't be...Read More...

just wanted to add - one good thing that came out of that bad session - it helped me to reach out on the forum (and get so many nice posts) thank you!Read More...

I've been tempted to bring in some of my art. My T has on more than one occasion asked me to bring in my stuff. I'm (professionally) a graphic designer and he's asked to see my portfolio. I also do side work as an artist (mostly portrait stuff) and he's seemed interested in seeing that stuff too. But despite his asking the only thing I've showed him is a picture on my phone of a portrait I've done. He seemed to like it (it was unfinished). I guess I just feel weird about showing him that...Read More...

Pixie, It sounds as though you have a longggggggg history of conflict with your mother and yet she wants to try to fix things. I can imagine...no, actually I can relate, that this is difficult to do when so much damage has been done. And now you are being made out to be the bad one because you aren't as eager to mend the fences as she is. I know how emotionally draining that can be. I am guessing from some of the things you have written that your mother can be very manipulative. I think its...Read More...

Morgs - not an issue with me. "shit happens" love that - - it does. we can't help if something we say unintentionally hurts someone else. It t's not like we go out of our way to hurt someone. You apologized and things got cleared up, that's all that matters. Please don't go away for long over this. SmileyRead More...

Quilter, What a roller coaster! I am so sorry that you have had this experience with her. one minute you are feeling good that she reached out to you and then the next minute she flaked on you. I am very sorry that happened. I would most definitely bring this up with her, otherwise you are going to push it aside and it will later manifest as resentment. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable to discuss this with her now, but I do think it is best to sort through this now.Read More...

Permafrost, Oh yes, his reaction did make me feel sad. He has now done a 360 and lets me be completely dependent upon him. It's all very confusing although I did read an article about our "normal personalities" and our "emotional personalities" ... and that sometimes one of our emotional personalities is very dependent but another one o maybe even our normal personality is very indepedent and that the independent one can detest the dependent one. That the t has to befriend usually the...Read More...

That is more what I'm talking about. Like, sometimes I wonder if strong feelings/reactions I have toward my SO are really related to what is going on in therapy / with my therapist. Sometimes I think I talk about feelings about my SO in therapy and it just seems so obvious that these are probably similar to the feelings I have about my therapist. I'll slip up and use weird vocabulary about my SO that suggests I really might have my T in mind (e.g. using words like "attuned," "engaged,"...Read More...

Hi MH, I've done just a plain old consult. But I think Sadly may have done that consult thingy you are wondering about. Good luck!!!Read More...

I promise you that you can survive that. It won't be easy, but you will survive it and we will be here to help you along the way should it come to a termination with her. And from the things you have written about her, I think you will actually be better off in the long run should you terminate with her.Read More...

I'm a little late to the party, but I am so happy for you that it went so well. Happy that you were able to see him without the disappointment of having to reschedule. Happy that he was steady for you. Happy that he was still good-looking. And I really liked this part: Of course we all know that a lot of this wisdom and strength comes from within you! You are the sage of this forum. But you do have some of your T inside too. And I imagine that must be very comforting to know that you carry...Read More...

Hi Remember, Glad you were able to actually post! What you're experiencing is very familiar to a lot of us here. You're experiencing feelings with your T so similar to your mother because you are moving closer to your T and it's invoking what if feels like when you move closer to someone, the deep fear that you don't know what you'll get and that sometimes you got really hurt. I've written about this alot so I'm going to provide several links to old posts about it below. The last link is to...Read More...

Hi Remember, Wanted to say welcome to the forums and add my voice to the chorus. I almost always write my replies (unless I know they're going to be fairly short, which is embarrassingly rare for me ) in Wordpad, then when I'm done, I acutally hit the reply key and copy and paste what I wrote in the posting window. Got burnt a few times and lost WAY too much typing. The forum software can occasionally be fickle. Looking forward to getting to know you! AGRead More...

Here is a similar article by the same author. My T bases her methods on this as well. http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/nijenhuis-2004.phpRead More...

Jill, Way to go, "better than last year" PGRead More...

Supermel - I think you have done the right thing. I feel like you have tried for ten years to keep your kids close to their father. If he is continually badmouthing you and abusive and relaying that to the children, then I don't blame you at all for cutting him off. Sounds like he needs some real counseling. Good for you fo standing up and protecting your kids. SmileyRead More...

WLOH: Thank you for sharing that. It was really moving. Sadly: Thanks for sharing those poems. Puppet: Thanks for sharing your poem. That was so moving and raw. I'm sorry you are still struggling. I've written some poetry, but mine is based on certain memories and could be triggering so I won't post here.Read More...

I don't know the correct label for what my therapist does, but basically she leads me into a conversation by saying "What would you like to talk about today?" and then she listens very carefully and feedbacks and asks questions in my own words. She has even refered back to things that I've said in previous sessions, eg. when I have a way of coping in a different situation. Her goal is to lead ME to coming up with my own answers, instead of spoon feeding me. I find this approach really...Read More...

Hi Pixie, I'm new too! I have big mum issues too and have had lots of success working them through with my therapist. I'm Australian and so can't fathom what 2 feet of snow must be like, and how it must impact your daily life, let alone your efforts to care for yourself. I think be proud of yourself for doing all that.Read More...

Thanks draggers I'm off to buy myself a tiara to wear whilst colouring inRead More...

hi liese, a very interesting topic which really hits home for me too. i really struggle with anger too and i keep it hidden (festering away) and direct it at myself most of the time. hmmm. not sure if what you talk about sounds like an improvement... maybe you were angry at him and took it out on yourself? and also could it be that you managed to look after yourself too by doing something fun, to balance it out in a way, the bad with some good...? i'm mostly guessing (and thinking about what...Read More...

i'm so sorry about what happened with your old T and i really hope that the next T you see won't let you down, you deserve someone who will stand by you and won't give up on you. my old T put up with my 'threats' too and she never took it personally, which meant so much to me. take care. i hope things will get clearer for you too. puppetRead More...

I wish there was an option similar to Facebook where you could "like" people's posts. It is sometimes difficult to reply to everybody's response even if you've read them all and appreciated them all. I don't want anyone to feel unappreciated or ignored. It is unintentional. It is just difficult to personally acknowledge every post without devoting an entire day to posting. I can honestly say that there is not a single person here who I do not like or appreciate, even if I haven't always...Read More...

Da Rock, How are things going now? Where do things stand with your T?Read More...