So reassuring for ME that you write this Ingognito. I have just posted on my own blog yesterday or Monday all about the dynamics over me trying to reach my P by phone and him not responding and me living in anguish about rejection etc and yet remembering how sweet my P is and that if he knew I needed to hear his voice, he would have phoned. So round and round I went. We are going to discuss it all at my next session on Friday, so that I can find out, as I said to him on thephone yesterday...Read More...

Hi Daisy, I'm very attached to my T right now and find it unsettling and giving me a sense of peace at the same time. I'm very dependent upon him right now for validation of my world and a positive sense of self worth. I think ultimately if the relationship ended abruptly say due to his untimely death, I would probably be okay. He knows I find my dependency unsettling. He also reassures me that it is part of the process and that ultimately I will be able to give myself what he gives me. I...Read More...

Jill, I need skills too. Sometimes I think like my T purposely makes it so hard for me to talk about my feelings that I get mad. But talking about my needs and feelings is really hard for me to begin with. He has told me that he hopes that what happens in therapy will transfer to the real world. So, I have come to believe that he makes it hard for me because to make it easy wouldn't help me. And, if I can learn to open up to him and trust him, I can do the same thing IRL. It's a very...Read More...

i just feel like im at the end of my rope and i want an answer from, are u in or out. is that unfairRead More...

Just popped in and actually had another thought...in your dream your left arm is broken. Left arm/hand is connected to the right brain...in fact, some therapist I've heard, will reccomend that righty's try writing and drawing with their left hand in order to reconnect with their right brain...hm. Just a thought. Not trying to say anything like that you have a "broken" right brain, but more, maybe it's an area in your life that needs development or healing with your T's help, and...Read More...

Good luck, Mac!Read More...

It's lovely, Monte. Thank you for sharing.Read More...

SG, Awesome article and it very much described what happened in my marital therapy. Thanks for posting that. And may I join Jones in saying I've missed you? Nice to see you around the place! AGRead More...

Hi Da Rock I posted a reply earlier on this thread and it seems to have disappeared, i don't know if i posted it on the wrong thread and if it is going to turn up obscurely in some other discussion.. I can't remember exactly what i said but firstly i am sorry about your uncle and that you are having to say goodbye to both him and your grandma at the same time. I guess what i am trying to say is that the only person who can really know if your T is helping or harming you, is you. And i...Read More...

Thanks, Starfish. I've gotten so few memories back, and the experience seems to change each time. The first memories came back more than a year ago - one I had always remembered but just forgot, and the other was one that I had never recalled until then. They came one right after another, although they were separated by about 10 years and didn't seem to really relate to each other. I didn't have any emotions with them right off the bat, but the more I thought about each memory, the more I...Read More...

I found that actually it did not take THAT long to feel like my P knew quite a lot about me, I thought before that it would take ages for him to know as much as my ex C knew in the 17 months I had worked for her, but we just leapt in and got on with it and I am about session 14 and he seems to be in much deeper than she ever went. It has helped me getting a whole new perspective, and being with a new person brought more stuff up too somehow.Read More...

tn, thanks. your words mean alot. you hit some good points. yes, i do not feel contained. what i like most is what you said: "I find that I don't have to wonder what he is thinking about anything because he TELLS me and that answers my doubts and I can feel held and contained until I see him again. This is really GOOD." tn this is really good, so you don't have to wonder. i have to ask, and i can, but i feel so silly...'what do you think of me'...too, it is a trick question, what is she...Read More...

Just wanted to say thanks to both jill and Jones. Your posts are such good food for thought. My thought patterns are like yours, jill. Your post, Jones, was very insightful and helpful. Thanks to you both. Holding OnRead More...

DF, Thanks for the excellent advice. I am actually hoping to do something adventurous this year. I love the idea of the zip line thing. A friend of mine is currently in Laos where he's staying at a place where you stay in a treehouse like 50 feet above the jungle and zip line all over the place. I'd love to do something like that. Jones, This is so, so true. It IS like a Kafka story, or like some feedback loop that I'm perpetuating myself without really being aware of it. I used to meditate,...Read More...

Hi Bluesky, welcome. I wrote a response yesterday but lost it - will try again. I think AG is right on here. I also believe that your T may have let *you* hug *her* rather than taking it over with her own hug, precisely so you could feel your own warmth and lovingness, and feel it be safe. She invited your hug, she held your hand through it, she welcomed it. She didn't recoil or flinch away. If it didn't feel nice to her, you would have felt that in her posture and her muscle tension -...Read More...

Hi Janedoe, Not sure if I've felt like that after a session but definitely have felt that way after a really stressful, emotional experience. Glad to hear that you've done some hard work.Read More...

uv, as always, good stuff. very interesting. i copied several passages and pasted to an email i am going to send my t prior to each session, the day before, she invited this, not that she really reads it then, but, i think, as to get it off of my chest so i can sleep well. this empathy is something i struggle with with her, and altho i have not thought of myself as narcissistic, i do identify with alot in this article, namely, the reliance of others to reflect my worth. i think that aspect...Read More...

awwww thanks TN.Read More...

AG, thank you for sharing your stories with me. It was very helpful. One of the many things that I find difficult about therapy is accepting that it's okay to talk about the many things that it wasn't okay to talk about in my FOO. Sometimes I just get stuck in that panic mode and I don't think straight. I have to learn to calm myself down and stand back. It is really comforting to know that you went through some of the same things that I'm going through now. UV, thank you so much for your...Read More...

you know, it is ME putting so much emphasis on HER caring. come on, jill. she is not mommy, she can't make up for that, she can't cross boundaries that i am sure, although i don't like them, are for my own good. no, she is not perfect, but, jill. let her help. quit fighting her, quit faulting her for not being exactly what you want. cross that bridge, jill. come on over. let her help you, take it for what it is. agh! y'no, she made me write my goals in life, or values, i forgot how she put...Read More...

thank you butterfly! that's life i guess, things never turn out as you plan / hope for, but its not all bad and I don't regret my decision (most of the time). i'll just see how i go from here and try and look after myself. yes, it's so unfair that unprofessional people like this are qualified and work in this profession and they sometimes do more damage than good. maybe her job was to put off a lot of people because they get a lot of calls? I think i disliked her attitude from the beginning...Read More...

hi liese, i mean no worries to daggers because daggers felt bad for confusing me.Read More...

nooooooooo totally not! I was happy to think that my reaction might actually be okay... despite the way my T is treating me. I mean cus i thought/and still think that i'm just weak and needy and childish. but i kinda think just based on attachment theory that this is right? i dont know!! My T definitely doesn’t think it is! well thats not explaining it well either but whateverRead More...

I know, exactly what I am going to talk to my T about on Tuesday. I would like to hear your favorite passages. I think the only reason why I'm not having a mental breakdown while reading this book is I'm trying to stay in a very analytical and logical state, at least till Tuesday because I need to be able to communicate to him clearly and logically for at least the first part of the session to clear up any miscommunications. My HOPE is that we can talk clearly left brain to left brain on...Read More...