(((ELSEWHERE))) I'm really sorry for all the pain you are going through. It is a tough situation to be in and I think your holding up as well as anyone could. Keep reminding yourself that you only have control of knowing the facts that your T told you about, and you can't worry about the things she has not told you about, because at that point its all a guessing game without facts and you don't want to create a lot of anxiety for yourself, and you don't need to punish yourself that way. I...Read More...

I'm just getting into the strangeness of admitting out loud to T my transference feelings for her. like you say, really terrifying! But something that is helping is to make clear to T my dependency feelings are coming from my inner child, not the grown-up me. Actually I'm older and bigger than her, probably can run faster too, LOL. It's so embarrassing! And making this distinction about inner child is helping. At least to break the ice.Read More...

Dear TAS interesting topic. Glad you started it...because I do follow your process and I find it quite interesting. And my humble opinion is that you are doing great although hard job. Just keep on going. Regarding this topic, my perspective is like RT said...And your last post...my feeling is, that you do not like other Ts because, you want this T to change, to give you what you want...And he doesn't. and now you have a challenge, that keeps you frustrated with him . It is maybe related to...Read More...

You are welcome Chezza and Thank you AGRead More...

As you can see, you are not alone. Most everyone has trouble with opening up. It is scary stuff and therapy is a very slow process. It will transform your life if you stick with it. My t says I have a switch on me somewhere. Continue to "show up" and not space the sessions out. The alliance will grow in it's own time. Everyone is different. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling. I have huge abandonment issues and the anxiety too. I used to get sick before a session and tremble...Read More...

I really appreciate everyone's input. I have not stopped thinking about this all weekend and am very anxious about seeing him tomorrow. We have discussed the abuse from my father towards my sister(s). We are very open with each other and have a very unique/professional relationship and I treasure it. He told me he was in awe of me and has reverence for me because he knows how painfully difficult being in therapy has been for me. Had his card in my wallet for 10 years before I called him. I...Read More...

That was supposed to be a hug at the end there. Don't know what happened.Read More...

Puppet, Thanks for your reply. I do understand what you are saying. I think it was just a bit difficult for him since I was away and really, what was he to do? What response could really help me? I'm not sure anything that he had said would have made me feel better, to tell you the truth. But, he always tells me I have to get in touch with my feelings because I don't ever get mad. I internalize it. Well, after his response in the text, believe me, my anger backfired, BIG TIME. During...Read More...

Anna, I'm so sorry what is happening. It sounds like you are in much pain and I don't blame you. I'd be the same. A T. needs to be consistent and trusting. With cancellations and promises to schedule but then he doesn't follow thru is not good. This is not right.Read More...

Oh gosh , I think my T will not handle many me, . My T does not like very much someone to depend on him.Read More...

(((JILLIAN))) There is a lot of wisdom that has been offered on this forum to you, and I think its all very accurate and comes from the heart. I pray you take in the advice and choose wisely. ((((YOU)))) are the most important thing to look after and take care of, YOU COME FIRST! Personally, and I could certainly be wrong, but I think you are much to fragile to go see your Brother or your Dad, unless you honestly see those visits as the outcome will "POSITIVELY" only be emotionally healing...Read More...

I wanted to thank you sapphire blue, Monte, and Liese. I haven't been up to responding in more detail because I am working really hard but I haven't reached much clarity yet. I had another session tonight where I admitted that I feel so different about therapy and T and touch and relationships that I feel like I'm a different person who leaves his office after a session than the one who walked in. Sometimes it takes days to regain my equilibrium. I am afraid that I'm going to break into...Read More...

(((Liese))) (((SP))) (((TN))) (((Jillann))) I'm so thankful you guys managed to read my rambling and posted back. Just knowing people get this stuff makes me feel less alone right now. I had some shame about posting, but was able to sit through without taking it down so far...yay! Today, I declined two invitations...one to a lady's movie night with the women at church and one to join a women's group with many of the same women. I tried to imagine myself in there trying to be authentic about...Read More...

Thank you for your replies Cat and BLT. I'm sorry I'm just now getting back to this thread. Cat my kids have reacted differently and their reactions are evolving. DS is more aware and has begged me to eat on some occasions. My daughters have been more in support of the weight loss but they are noticing more that I don't eat what I serve them. It makes is hard to insist that they eat a healthy breakfast when they see me skip it every day. And I so agree with you on the talk about dieting! It...Read More...

Just wanted to let you all know that I had a consult today with someone very nice. I like her very much and think we might work together. I have an apt. in 2 weeks because I wasn't ready to make a commitment yet. We mostly went over my history. I filled her in a little about my therapy and why I am planning on leaving T. She made a comment that I've been looking for caring and wound up learning how to take care of myself as well as take care of the other person over and over again - like I...Read More...

(()ELSEWHERE)) I'm so sorry for all that your T is dealing with, and I'm also sorry for the anxiety that you are facing. I know that this is easy for me to say, but really try as hard as you can to deal only with the facts that you do know, and not project anything else that you fear might happen, because it can only make things worse for you. I know its so easy to worry, but keep coming to talk with us, and stay as busy as you can. Is there another (Fill-In) T where your T works that you...Read More...

Thanks, eme. It helps to be reminded sometimes that my T really does care. Especially on days like today when I don't want to trust him. Other good things he's said: "You have an absolute right to your own body" and "There is a big difference between being wanted and being taken."Read More...

(((draggers))) it does feel that way!! It is a process that requires so much patience and gentleness. Thank you for the support and reminders for self care, you are so kind draggers (((RT))) you have a good point... it is hard for me when I'm so emotional to not slide into the territory of total self blame, I think it kind of serves a purpose of retaining a sense of control? You have wise advice... (((AG))) I like what your T said thank you for the support too... I saw T today and we talked...Read More...

It's been a hard month, but I think the hiatus from my blog is over for now. Hope you'll come back to check it out. Today's post: Slingshot Progress in TherapyRead More...

That's it! LJB. The we find that acceptance in their eyes that we never had with anyone else. My T wants me to see his acceptance of who I am. Hi back to both of you and TNRead More...

My T did write back today, the T said he would try to see me this week.. Just let you peeps know.. Thanks for all your hugs..Read More...

OH thank you both Therapy does knock me for six. Although T2 less painfully than T1 did. It took at least 3 days to 'come back' after seeing T1. Now, I go, say probably more, definitely cry more (though that still isn't all that often) and whilst I am really tired the day after I'm not totally out of it. Last night I read some stuff about the history of parenting (cos I was feeling fragile thinking about my failings as a mother). Our current ways of parenting are very different to that of...Read More...

Ouch, yeah...Read More...

Wow! RT that's awesome! I admire your courage! I'm still doing the holding on thing. I have one of former T's voicemails that I listen to when I need to feel that connection or when I feel anxious/stressed out. I haven't had the guts to delete it. It's been a year and five months since I've had a session with her and I still struggle with missing her everyday. My current T told me I had the choice to close that door and end the relationship in my head and heart. With everything going on in...Read More...

I had one therapist who drove me 1 1/2 hours out of state to the college I attended so my traumatic memories could be activated. I would have made that a con, but that ended up being a pro...I saw him in a totally different light after that experience. My current T challenges me on my (negative) thinking all of the time. Believe it or not, that is a pro. Nobody ever really did that before and I think I need it. Cons: Every time they go on vacation...Read More...