I agree, there should be a special realm in hell for those who open up your most vulnerable places, where you feel so little and needing and dependent and then they walk away. They feel fine. They leave you bleeding. It is so cruel. Thanks TN for being so understanding. I still think what your ex T did was abuse. He should be taken before a disciplinary tribunarel. Can't spell that. One day fairly soon I shall go in and see my doctor and tell his exactly how he assisted in making a bad...Read More...

TN, I'm sorry. I honestly think when you are in mourning the holidays are the worst. And you are in the midst of a very dark painful passage. I no you have no hope of ever entering the light again, but can you allow us to hope for you? ((((TN)))) AGRead More...

Pippi That's just awesome that you were brave enough to approach this do directly and even better that you got that response, I truly think that's how it should be when you open up. Take the success you experienced in his response with you to fight the fear of opening up with your therapist. I think you'll be happily surprised. Let us know how it goes. AG PS BB, LOVE the new signature!Read More...

Woo, Maclove, so many nice Thanksgiving treats in there! I had a good Thanksgiving (despite being nowhere near the US). I went to the same function, second year in a row. I remember last year I was so anxious and exhausted that when I got there I had to go sit in the bathroom in the dark for about 15 minutes. I remember how uncomfortable I felt with everyone there, none of whom I really knew. This year I was stressed, but not freaked out. And when I got there, I realised those same people...Read More...

Aw, Russ...I kinda have to say, that it's nice to have a guy around on this site. For real. BeebsRead More...

you are such a sweetie, draggers...I just have to say that. I'm so glad you are home safe.Read More...

STRM, You are absolutely NOT allowed to apologize as you have done nothing wrong. I know what you're dealing with. And I'm glad you liked my birthday present. Hi Morgs, Thanks, the shimmer is hanging in there. And I am giving myself time, this thread really helped me to stop fighting and just let the feelings come. Not the most fun I've even had, but there's an underlying sense that I will be fine. Thanks for the encouragement. AGRead More...

Aw, MH, thanks for sharing this powerful thing with us...that is love, isn't it? Blackbird...Read More...

Frog - thank you so much for your continued encouragement. Yeah, I hope so much my T and I are just re-adjusting and I didn't scare her or anything... I just talked with my other T now. She called me just after I got a super triggering email from someone (not a T). It was good to talk with her... I am not numb anymore but struggling with grief and shame and another feeling, and I dunno what it is, but it is painful - so exquistely painful... and my T told me it was ok that I was super numbed...Read More...

YAY for your T and YAY for you!!! good job hanging in! and yay for an awesome TRead More...

LL, Happy that you're happy. You seemed to have handled the whole thing (psycho T) really well. Although, I don't know what you went through when you weren't posting. Maybe you suffered alone? Definitely so much easier to write about the bad things. At least for me ... But I'd love to hear about her when you decide you want to share with me. Is this your first woman T? How many men and how many women T's have you had? Do you tend to do better with women T's? Yes, there are stages of therapy.Read More...

Hi, Quilter...you are inspiring me to continue with my T's advice to excercise each day. I used to do a really pounding cardio when I felt that way and it helped a bit with the feelings. I'm inspired by your courage to do something good. I just wanted to say that! Take care, BB PS- Flamingo-Domingo! Nice to see your post! Welcome back!Read More...

Sorry, Liese, I don't really understand anything about separation, or what this means? Hopefully, someone else will weigh in who knows something about this scenario... Hope you are well today... Love, BBRead More...

BB, feel free to use whatever I wrote. I'm just glad some of it helped. Hope you're doing okay today. (((BB)))Read More...

thank you Jane...if you decide and want to share, we'd love to hear about it.. I'm still struggling with the concept of taking it in and feeling good about it. I can't "make myself" feel proud of myself. MAybe good feelings will come in time.Read More...

yay indeed! Glad he's there for you MacLoveRead More...

I have a handful of travel triggers... oh... I don't think I can even say them right now... but good thread! good idea! I will come back later and post more.Read More...

Hi, Sheychen...wow I like the sound of steadyT...awesome. It strikes me that the caring that she is able to give will actually mean something because of the strong boundaries she has in place. I think from what you have written she sounds wonderful. It sound like the psychologist is good, too...is steady T ok with you seeing him as well as her? If steady T is ok with it, I'd go for it... Good that you are trying to find the way out of your last painful experience. Good for you! Be well, ...Read More...

lol, this is so emberrassing and fun at the same time,(i am not as mature as you guys remember!) sorry if am unsympathetic here BG, just have to qote AG here, as i laughed out loud (i am on a cafe with lots of people around me- yeah, still distracting myself) here, when reading this one: My husband once brought up sex in a couples session and I honestly believe I broke the world's record for longest sustained blush. (It was also when I decided that I would really rather have the Universe...Read More...

Hi Deepfried, I am sorry you are struggling so much at the moment and that you aren't getting much sleep. I am not sure how to interpret your dream...it sounds like an invasion of your personal space which can be very scary...you say you have never asked for help before...maybe this represents the fact that you would like to ask for help but you fear that noone would listen. idk I could be way off base. I really hope that you are able to sit with your T and just be comforted and get a much...Read More...

dang, numbness wore off in the middle of the night and I woke up in a panic. It's the dang numb/flood cycle. When I numb out then I eventually am flooded... So I broke down and took some anti-axiety medications to get some sleep and keep getting my sleep cycle back on track to the time zone here. But for a moment, I do feel - a lot. such axiety and fear and saddness... I don't know about what. off to get some sleep hopefully. and curl up with my sweet kitty who has been attached to me,...Read More...

can I ignore the rules too? please forgive the lateness of my post - but really want to say that BB - you are amazing. Love your authenticy and kindness. MacLove - I love your posts. You have a lot of great insights and input - and you are so real and encouraging. I'm sorry you have felt rejected so much. I for one, just want to say, you really do rock and I'm glad you are here and keep posting and keep sharing and keep working things out as you need. just wanted to say that. please forgive...Read More...

Hey Starfish - thanks for making me feel welcome I have already learnt much and taken comfort from the posts on many topics that I can relate to...it is very comforting. Hey LL - nice to meet you, it is inspiring reading everyones stories, I hope that I am brave enough to keep sharingRead More...

Thanks for your reply Blanket Girl. If you mean there's more to this story as far as why my brother and sister-in-law want me more involved in my nephew's life, then I think you're right. I just don't remember much more. I may not have done wrong according to you, but those two probably see it as wrong for me not to be more involved. They said that something different happens in his life every week. I suppose they're implying that I should contact them every week to see how he's doing. Well...Read More...

Mayo I’m so sorry you’re going through this crap because of your T’s text. Just posting to explain that expression - the penny has dropped (referring to a coin operated mechanism that is set in motion once the coin had ‘dropped’ into place) - the equivalent expression being something like, a light bulb going on - an ‘aha’ moment (even if it’s negative). ((( Mayo ))) I’m so sorry it sounds like all sorts of stuff is overwhelming you at the moment - hope you can stay strong until you get to...Read More...