Hi Rio A belated welcome to the community!!! Glad to hear your session was pretty good!! Oh how I'd love to have your memory and be able to dissect my sessions - as soon as I leave a session my memory wipes most of it!!! It's actually a lifelong problem - last session we realised I remember little of my life (62 years) coz I was probably dissociated for most of it!!! It will be helpful to you remembering, just try not to overdo it!!! Again, welcome MorgsRead More...

Pippi, I'm sorry to hear about your little boy. I hope that he heals quickly. (((hugs))) I understand where you are coming from in wanting your P there with you for comfort. It makes perfect sense to me.Read More...

Hi LL and thanks for stopping by my thread of confusion! What you wrote above is what I am going to attempt to do. Not that I really want to but for lack of any other solution to my pain I guess I should keep going. It's just that the simple act of walking into newT's office makes me cry because it's not my "home". Old T's office became my home because it WAS a home and not an office building. It was a 200 year old farmhouse and so many times I walked in and could smell the popcorn or...Read More...

Oh I do remember now that you said that Marsh ... I had just been reading the most recent post about seeing someone every 3 months .... Loved your story up above .... very cute! And thanks for your words of encouragement .... obviously I haven't been getting much done around the house today ....Read More...

hello all! i have been on a self imposed psychcafe-fast...too many hours here. so, i am just now reading and want to reply to everyone. but, first to jones, thank you for your thoughtful reply. i know you are wanting to pull it, so i want to thank you for your insight. i do admire your honesty with your mom, and effect it had on her. yes, i feel guilty, too, but then, i have shouldered this illusion for her denial of guilt for so many years, that, somehow, staying on 'truth' feels ok. not...Read More...

TN ... My guess is that your T had a lot of projection going on there ... it wasn't you who was dangerous, it was him .... I can't believe he came over to your car .... you were just sitting there .... You should have called the police on him !!!!! It's so wierd that they don't spend time in school on termination ... It seems like it should be a huge part of their training ... from the terminations i've seen here on the forum, the T's have handled it more poorly than most people do in life...Read More...

Self-Esteem. Do people really have that? Seriously, I think that we all go through moments when we feel better about ourselves, and the world in general, and times when it's dark. I'm so glad you took the time to write here and share with us. I hope you are feeling better today. Something I did - that I've NEVER done - and it was AMAZING ... I volunteered at the Salvation Army and served the homeless for Thanksgiving. I've never been a "get out in public and mingle" sort of person - not a...Read More...

(((((BB)))))) and ((((((Kashly))))) Thank you so, so much.Read More...

Hi Marsh... I'm glad to hear that things are working out so well with your new T and that she is so receptive to safe touch as I know how helpful that can be at the end of a difficult session. My oldT used to give me a hug if I asked for it or he would pat me on the shoulder or arm or shake my hand. I found the contact very healing and grounding, especially since when I was in emotional pain I would reject or push away anyone who tried to touch me. I was able to tolerate his safe touch and...Read More...

thanks all, mh, i think things like that are best to get out in the first session. so you were smart. and really, when i think about it, i was not prying for my own curiousity, i was prying to see what was safe to talk about in there, as i sensed Jesus was not on his page and it makes me so sad to feel this. and like a big wall is up between us. thanks for your support. BB, regarding the husband thing, i really think it is this 'all knowing/master/parent' approval. and my husband is more of...Read More...

I think I am realizing that warning them of my worst bits, is making them say they won't work with me. I think I shall stop that and just ask a lot of questions about how they work with trauma and attachment. I wrote an email the the 'no T' lady and she has not replied which is worrying me. I could imagine doing some good work with her, but she may be too fragile herself - and is wondering like the rest, whether she can actually handle me. I see a very famous psychiatrist - who happens to be...Read More...

yippee!Read More...

I agree...it sounds like all you need to do is call and clarify, that you are not ready to terminate at this time, and in fact, wnat to schedule an appointment...I'm certain you will be accomodated, if you just explain clearly, that you do not wish to terminate, and want to schedule. Good luck, Caeti..nice to see you posting! Let us know how it goes! BBRead More...

It was. Having pie with my T was just good medicine. Liese- your message just popped up. I wonder if those types of memories are real or not. My T says it really doesn't matter if it was or not, he says I don't have to remember everything, but I feel I have to- a sort of a validation. I guess he means since the ideaa came up and was strong- that is significant enough. IDK though. Sure would like to know.Read More...

glad to give you a giggle, draggers!Read More...

reeny, what are MAOI'S?Read More...

Welcome reeny! reeny, I think diagnoses can be misleading, as it is not always an indicator of the level of suffering a person is enduring... but I will tell you that I also have the diagnoses of "dysthymic disorder." It seems like a pretty low-grade depression all the time, for *how completely bad* I feel most of the time. So that diagnoses can add to guilt feelings, for me, I "shouldn't" feel *this* bad, since it's *low-grade.* But it's pretty bad, isn't it? I recently dared to look up...Read More...

I just found this quote, which speaks volumes to me about how I click with certain people and actually the people who have hurt me the most - I click with - "We are attracted to people that feel familiar on an energetic level - which means (until we start clearing our emotional process) people that emotionally / vibrationally feel like our parents did when we were very little kids. At a certain point in my process I realized that if I met a woman who felt like my soul mate, that the chances...Read More...

Holy schmoly! Talk about confusion..., SG. Good for you for a good session, though. Man, How many times was I there with my T, just, *knowing* that he was totally not for me, completely not getting me, completely judging me, the worst things, just in agony...and the next time, bang, wonderful attuned, caring therapist, not perfect but, definitely close. It's SO weird. What IS that? I guess like Liese says, it's transference confusion. Last time I had a session I asked my T point blank, "Why...Read More...

phew...that's a relief...thank you DF! Yes, yes, yes...it's that separation, isn't it? whew...it's a battle- but one worth fighting, isn't it? You *are* sweet, DF...don't ever forget it! Or if you forget, at least remember a time when you did know it! Thank you from my heart for helping me through this really bad spell. I'm feeling alot better. I hope you took something from it too. Love, BBRead More...

Strummergirl ... your dream room sounds so, well, dreamy!!!! tonight I went down to the basement ... we just put in a new ceiling and new carpeting and it's quite cozy .... I sat down there for about a half hour and it was amazing! No tv ... no one saying ... mom how do you spell???? They didn't even seem to notice I was gone .... I needed to time just to listen to my thoughts .... it was awesome ... i need to carve out the time every day but i forget most of the time .... thanks for all the...Read More...

(((((Smiley)))))) I am so sorry for the pain and darkness you are in...I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make it go away! (For me too) Please know that you are lovable and that you really make my day every time I see you post. ( I know that might feel hard to beleive, but it's true!) You have a lot of insight and depth under that quiet exterior of yous...it's not fair that what was done to you is causing all of this darkness and pain, but like AG said...it is not you that is causing...Read More...

Thanks everybody. It really helps hearing from each of you. What is seeming to be the most difficult thing is "the day after" syndrome. When the feelings don't feel as hurt, you start to wonder if you over-reacted. (Which, btw, is a favorite manipulation of hers! - It must work, huh? Come to think of it, wouldn't that be exactly what my Aunt would say to me? She would invalidate my feelings and my experience and tell me to just ignore my mom's bad and hurtful words/behavior. This line of...Read More...

jones, it really is the core of why i am in therapy, to 'fix me' so that i don't do what my parents did. sometimes the best i feel is that my kids will need less therapy than i do. and that is a pretty lousy victory. i go back and forth. i told me husband, who witnessed the whole interaction, (keep in mind he is not the most swift with subtle tones) but he really didn't notice me being wrong in the incident. he said he would tell me if he thought i was ever being demeaning. BUT, it is just...Read More...

Seychen wow seychen, that's really powerful isn't it? Thank you for sharing that.....I like both the idea of covering AND dignity, especially when we feel so raw and exposed. starfishRead More...