Welcome msmandy! Pippi! Long time no see, girl! Good to see ya. Gosh, msmandy your situation switching between t's sound intensely confusing. I can barely handle one T, let alone two! I feel for you. I think transference is pretty common, or, at least my T has said "it does happen." (???) So I think you are normal as far as the intensely confusing bit. It can be really hard to feel like this person cares about you...maybe? For me, it';s hard to think they care, and then be let down by that,...Read More...

Hi Soulfuldaze Thank you for replying! I am doing amazingly well now thank you. I only had counselling for a short amount of time whilst in hospital, but it really helped me come to terms with the changes, in particular talking about my friend and the changes my body was going through. Luckily I also have a strong support network, and that really played a vital part in my recovery I am now training to be a counsellor and am months away from qualifying (eeek) and hope to specialize in trauma...Read More...

Hi PG, Sorry about not responding earlier (as SG posted I was away for the weekend with no internet access. Thanks SG!) Stick through the whole reply as the beginning may not sound so good to you! I think you’re in a very difficult situation. I think your T has every right to set her boundaries where she feels comfortable (as I said in the other thread SG linked to, a person’s boundaries say a lot about them and nothing about you.). And I feel this is especially important because I often...Read More...

Yes, this is now my diary. It's the inconsistencies that bother me: The Good Witch, then The Bad Witch. While high on alcohol: (that she denies) "Oh, I'd LOVE to buy some of the chocolates you're selling to give to the nice girls at the bank." The next day, when she's not high: "I don't think I want those chocolates after all. In fact, I don't think I like that brand, I had some once and threw it away." The Good Witch: "Your dish was a good first try." (Her attempt at diplomacy.) The Bad...Read More...

Hi TN, My T's response to me telling him that I feel that the lack of a good, warm, safe connection with him is impeding my progress made me reconsider, at least for now. As usual, he was extremely respectful and considerate in saying that the most important thing is what *I* decide is best for me, and that I wasn't "trapped" there. I responded by saying, "yes, I know I'm not trapped, but I am invested." He said, "that's true, and something to consider." That said, he gave me his perspective...Read More...

yep, DF, i know that one too, but knowing and believing, are two separate things. but yes, and sometimes i have to really work to realize the only way to not pass on my stuff to my kids is to work through it myself. so, thank you for the reminder. thanks...my canadian friend! jillRead More...

Holy shit Deepfried! (can I say shit on here- no offense to anyone) I could have written your last post. Maybe this is why I freak out too! I had never thought of that. Thanks! I had a session on Wed. and usually strong stuff (usually good, but not always) comes up the next day and I txt my T and let him know whats up- (cuz I still don't feel much in session) My T mentioned EMDR again (tried it 2x not much success because I couldn't find a safe place) Thursday morning I awoke feeling sad,...Read More...

Lampers Sorry late again ...life would be so much easier if work wasn't in the equation, then I could really keep up!! Hilarious....oh gosh, that really describes beautifully your recent ups and downs, maybe keep a bulb ot two in your handbag just in case But it's good that despite all of those ups and downs, you feel that here is something about this guy that makes him worth hanging around with for longer. I think that constancy would be in my top 3 qualities in a T, and if he has been that...Read More...

Hi Frog, I've been following along, and I first want to say that I'm sorry you're experiencing such pain and confusion. I am glad, however, that your last session was good for you and that you were able to air out some thoughts. I wonder, could you write your thoughts/feeling down in between sessions, especially those times when you feel such anger, and read it to your T in session? And perhaps explain everything to him, especially that it all fades away when you enter his office. I know a...Read More...

Welcome, Quilter...and welcome Liese... For myself this needing more sessions thing seemed to play out, that my fear of asking for more frequent sessions became part of the therapy. I hav'nt still managed to continue, consistently "ask for what I need" as my T always says, in this area, but I know I am "supposed" to. It's just really hard. I fear being a bother. Maybe, try asking for more more frequent sessions...your T might be waiting for you to ask! Sorry to hear, you are in the middle of...Read More...

DF, thanks. yes, i have not begun to list this stuff out, a bit overcome by numerating them, it feels that there are so many. mainly having to do with my childhood neglect by my parents. emotional neglect and psychological neglect and abuse...mainly my mom, but also my silent father. probably the biggest resentment is to myself for the massive denial i covered this all with for 40+ years, and acted in a co-dependent relationship with them, just living at dire odds with the reality of my...Read More...

It's ok, TN, I know you are not ungrateful. And how you are feeling makes absolute sense. When you summed it up in your other post - the email termination, the surgery, the police, the disappearing - I saw all over again, and more, how f*cking horrible, and horrifying this is for you. And actually I feel like I didn't quite get the scale of it before, which I'm sorry for. I think the anger at NewT makes a great deal of sense. He is not your T, plain and simple. JRead More...

hi Blanket Girl, jill, STRM and BB... thank you so much for the comforting and kind words... Yesterday was a little better. Painfully long while I so wanted to come in for my session today. Just lots of nervousness. Today I went in for my eq t appointment - and I was even psyched up to ask her something I really needed to ask within a session and was still scared to ask... I waited for 15 minutes, and no T. Then she ran up, noticing I was there. Turns out my T had been trying to reach me for...Read More...

Hi True North, I like your picture! And Au Contrare (I took spanish, so I don't know why I'm even attempting French!) I disagree with your statement that you don't have a lot to offer right now .... you were able to verbalize exactly what I was feeling!!! And so succinctly and eloquently! It was really helpful ... So sorry about you losing your T of three years ... I feel your pain ... I have to be honest, that is one of my fears .... whenever there is a car accident in the paper, I always...Read More...

Thanks for sharing those poems! Here`s my favourite! it’s the Dream by Olav H. Hauge It’s the dream we carry that something wondrous will happen that it must happen time will open hearts will open doors will open spring will gush forth from the ground– that the dream itself will open that one morning we’ll quietly drift into a harbor we didn’t know was there.Read More...

JD, Well, I think the fact that it made you feel weird is a sign that it was crossing your boundaries. I think the doctor visit and driving you etc. could be ok depending on the circumstances at the time. It is unusual, but I wouldn't say for sure that it is crossing a boundary. I think the most important thing about that would have been to discuss it with T at the time and talk about what that all meant and clarify any boundary issues that might have come up as a result. I had a T in my...Read More...

Hi AG, Thanks for the link. It's all very interesting. Not sure if there is an erotic component ...sometimes it feels like more of a need to be taken care of ... a parenting type of thing ... sometimes erotic but when I really ask myself if I'd be happy with my therapist if in fact we did take up a life together, I always answer no, that he's not my type .. The thought of me rejecting someone never occurs to me ... I always have that longing, the unrequited love feeling, I guess ...wanting...Read More...

LL, We are able to add on a little gadget to our blog - sometimes invisible. It tracks the ip address of those that visit your blog. And with that, you're able to look at which town the person is from. Outside of some computer information, there isn't too much specific info!Read More...

I used to struggle with this every session. What I do now is write bullet points in my journal over the week of the things I need to talk about. I write down the things that I know are going to be hard and I know I’ll want to back out from saying. I found this helps me a lot with thinking of so many things I want to say, but then backing out when I’m sitting there. In my session today- I think I had 3 bullet points (1 big important one and 2 smaller ones) that I wanted to say during the...Read More...

me too echo... I know that you and I have had a "misunderstanding" on the thread of insanity that I started...but I just want you to know that I hope you will feel comfortable posting if you need to about your marriage and divorce situation...if I've ended up freaking you out by my er, staunch positions, well, I can promise not to read or respond or both if that would make you feel more safe. Of course we all want to offer you all the support and friendship you need and deserve right now.Read More...

JD, I thought your posts were very well written! Thanks for the kind words, and that you won't think badly of me if I would need to bow out.. Yeah...a life of it's own is a good way to put it. BebeRead More...

Love you draggers. I'm so glad to see you, sweetie. Thanks Butterfly- your kindness. I really love this place. BBRead More...

It makes total sense....I can totally relate to this, I think I might have actually tested some limits just to see if my T would get mad at me. One time I thought I had succeeded and I asked her if she was angry at me, but for me this meant the opposite, I thought that that would mean she had stopped caring for me and she explained to me that she could be angry with me and still care about me which for me was quite a confusing concept. However there have been many times when no matter what I...Read More...

Thank you so much for your kind and caring responses, it is so nice to know that there are people out there who know how it is to feel the loss of a T as I am feeling like I am so pathetic for feeling like I do. It isn’t something that is explainable to people who haven’t been there and there are very few people in my life who even knew I went for therapy in the first place. There are so many things in my daily life that are a constant reminder of my therapy that shouldn’t be, I think...Read More...

i'll come back and update about the dissociative-closeness stuff; you, LL, and i think Frog were interested in hearing about it. talk to you later! yes, indeed- caunt me in! I am still here UV,(love reading this still growing thread btw) just havent managed to squeeze(?) in lately!Read More...