Godgirlwarriorprincess, thank you for registering and welcome to this forum. i appreciate your kind and encouraging words, and will check out that book. sometimes i feel strengthened by my hardships, sometimes they get the best of me, but one thing you remind me of, is that God HAS a purpose for me, even in these childhood years which scarred me so, but, now maybe it is about finding that purpose with my own family and others. and yes, the golden rule is a good fall back thought when you...Read More...

dear folks- i only have a minute now, i am running to see my T. I wrote a LONG respond to each of you yesterday- wanted to comment and thank for all the inputs and interprets and the kind words- BUT (ARRG) something happended- and the poster was somehow deleted.. i was so frustrated when i found out and i wasout of energy to give it a second try. Yet- just wanted to let you know i read your posters (which i HAVE thought about alot) am very thankful for the recent replies- THANKS YOU! its...Read More...

LL thank you so much for your kind words nd validation. Yeah, the more space I get from it, the more angry I am. The less... guilty and ashamed and the more just hurt and angry and -oh, it's hard to express. The more time that goes by the more I want to say, to show them, "wait, this is not my stuff, this is yours." And this still freaking hurt what you did! yeah - you are right. It was a cop out. It's so... blurred... so pathologizing... I'M NOT THE SICK ONE. ugh. Thanks LL - I really...Read More...

TN, I'm sorry that you received such a confusing letter from your old T. That would send anyone into a tailspin. I still think that he cared too much and this letter was a way to try to reach out to you, but he couldn't see how damaging it could be at the same time. I hope you are able to talk to newT about it soon and that you are feeling a bit less overwhelmed today.Read More...

Hey Mac, You did answer my question... I think it's great that you're upfront with your T and able to ask direct questions. I also think it's really great that even without any self-disclosure (besides about what's happening in session) you still feel incredibly understood. Frankly, that's awesome. Drifty, It seems too bad, to me, that you feel you have to be careful about what you ask your T so that he doesn't elaborate too much...have you ever considered maybe telling him how it makes you...Read More...

thanks Lamplighter, I talked with the T on Friday for about 40 mins by phone, I saw him on Monday I think last week and I shall see him Friday, he might have seen me Monday but I am actually away on a long weekend break which is proving the much needed break I need. Lovely family time. I know I SHOULD really look around but there are so few trauma therapists here. I should go private too but ah, the cost! This T is free and is offering me 80 mins a week indefinately and he is a trained...Read More...

JD thanks so much for posting that link. It’s really interesting and has lots of valuable stuff about Gestalt. Lol way back in the 80s I read all of Fritz Perl’s books and was really taken with the idea of gestalt therapy - but back then Gestalt was still pretty confrontational and didn’t really work for me. I’m going to see a new T this week who has gestalt/psychodynamic approach listed as her style. For me should be the best of both worlds, being aware of how the past affects the present...Read More...

thanks Holding On! jill - lol yeah, our inner critics can just go beat each other up and leave us alone! we ARE on to their schemes... ha!Read More...

Jill good questions and thoughts is it my way of testing the relationship? I dunno. I almost wonder if it is. Sometimes I think it's because I'm so afraid the good will overwhlem me... and if I let in the good then the bad will come in too - if not from this relationship then others... and then I am screwed. I do use humor as like "comic relief" - I'm told by people that it makes them feel closer to me the way I use it, when for me, it's a way to shift gears or makes things less intense,...Read More...

Good to see you again seablue starfishRead More...

I hope you are feeling better today too. ((((PG)))))Read More...

Hello Freud’s Fly and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you’ve gotten a fair way into your therapy if your T is now counting on your having internalized her to the extent that she feels confident you can look for her inside yourself when you need to. I haven’t got anything of value to offer as the only internalizations I have are of negative judges - including T. And my abandonment issues are still hidden away beneath a pile of other stuff so don’t even know how to begin thinking about...Read More...

Sheychen I am SO sorry that even your last session was turned into a negative emotional circus by this T. Everything I’ve read about how she has been relating to you these last couple of weeks just makes me really angry at her. So I’m guessing she is an NHS surgery counsellor - one of the ones who is used to the six session therapy frame, so maybe not experienced at all in dealing with deeper issues? It sounds like she continued to work with you and found herself suddenly right out of her...Read More...

Maclove ~ ah, so you are the on who has been reading my journal! lol :P oh, I am so sorry about your boyfriend. The lack of response... it's hostile in a way. There's no way to respond, to know, to resolve, to even work through the leaving of the person better - and oh... it screws me up in trusting new people and then I act untrusting and then they are more likely to leave! (not saying this is happening with you - just a random thought I had as I typed.) It's so hard. Because even when I...Read More...

new thread, new drug...pristiq.Read More...

Mine is almost identical to LL's. Walk in the room, shake hands, sit. T: So what's going on? And then me sitting in silence trying to figure out what to say without sounding boring or stupid. I feel pretty angry about it. My T has been discussing a lot about connecting with him. I think we need to do something different at the beginning of the session because I don't feel anything except nervous for probably the first third of it. The last three sessions we've discussed this connecting thing...Read More...

I just edited my post a bit and added some feedback from my previous therapist whom I rung and who CRIED at how I am being treated. She actually CRIED. so it feels like the end of an era. Part of me says " well I didn't like her that much anyway' but I know my young parts did.Read More...

I haven't been on here much lately (though I don't consider myself one of the seasoned members) and my reasons are very simple. When I come here and see a thread, usually there have been a myriad of responses to it (sometimes nearing 100) and I feel that I have nothing original to contribute. Also, frankly, trying to read through 50+ responses is stressful. By the time I'm finished not only do I feel I have nothing original to contribute, but I'm completely emotionally drained. I feel guilty...Read More...

ditto, i think i hear the flitter of her golden wings every now and then!! xxoo DF, jillRead More...

janedoe, may i say, you are quite profound!! this is a huge concept, not knowing where i begin and end, and another begins....what in an interaction 'says more about them than it does about me'. also, as frog says, what is coming from my past and is really not a part of the now, but, since, for me now, it is such a cloud, i can't quite decifer it all just yet. but, this is certainly a direction...owning what is mine and them owning what is theirs. my t told me that i tend to put myself in...Read More...

Hmmm… Well, I don’t know. It sounds like a nice gesture I think. He might have been thinking that the wine would make up for being on your case about drinking? In this situation all anyone can do is probably just make guesses. You could mention something like that you had a bit off the wine but you were careful not to drink too much because of the meds and see what he says? -MacRead More...

Sparkle- Good for you for talking to your T about it. I hope you get some relief from talking about it, but also don’t get too discouraged if you don’t solve everything in one sitting. For me ruptures sometimes take a few sessions (or even longer) to completely work out. We have the first initial talk which does make me feel a lot better, but then there is still a little hurt or worry left after that takes a few sessions to work its way out. The darkened trust that you talked about can take...Read More...

Hi Morgs!!! so glad you stayed! welcome! I would have said hi sooner but just go to reading this. sorry I missed your post - there is a lot here! please do keep posting! and so glad to meet you ~janeRead More...

Do you know what sucks most about this? It was SO nice to have my MOTHER for two months. Now, as she begins the cycle again, that closeness and connection is lost. It was so nice to finally experience her without the snarkiness, meanness, criticisms, and trauma. Now I am dreading the next few months which are filled with birthday "celebrations", "family" holidays and the biggest dread of all CHRISTMAS. Just when you thought there was peace in the land, you realize it was only a dream. I was...Read More...