(((Eliza))) Thanks for replying, especially from such a unique perspective. Yes, as for the dietary aspect of it, I'm able to become very research/intellectually oriented. In terms of my panic about having to talk about my body or be touched, which I usually dissociate in the moment of the appointment and then collapse afterward, I haven't found a successful strategy yet. I'm already putting myself on as close as I can to what I've read is a "standard" GD diet. I was so borderline on my...Read More...

Hi Jillian, Thank you for your response. Yes I am aware of what making that statement will do to my marriage.... that is why I am going regardless. I am sure I will find a way as I will have no say or no choice in the long run, but I know myself too and if I go, and if I do not adequate support I will destroy myself and in turn resent and destroy my marriage. It is sad, but I just have to let it happen. I owe my husband at least this much.Read More...

Hi About, I'm sorry your T is gone again. I, too, have a hard time going back after a break. I've thought about not going back many times because it does hurt so much. I've read from other blogs that sometimes too many breaks is not helpful because how can we entrust ourselves to someone who is always gone? I think how the T handles the breaks is really important, too. I think talking about it before and after can make it easier or harder. My T is gone a lot. It takes a long time for us to...Read More...

Hi Ghost Girl, Thank you! Yes, I was using opiates. I also have two torn discs in my back so it's been helping with the pain with that. It helps with my anxiety as well. I was also coming off of benzo's in the detox center as well. I was not abusing them, but was taking them at a higher dosage I guess and the longevity of taking them. They were not allowed at the detox center and I was fine with that anyway b/c I definately want to stay away from all addictive meds. Thank you so much for...Read More...

LongRoad, What your T had you doing sounds a lot like Family Constellations Work, which my T had me do a couple months ago. We only have done it two times so far. And yes, it was VERY unusual. But he had me repeating things to the figurines, which, in my case, were wooden cut out people that I could pick from. He also had things called "metas" that I could include in the constellation...things like hope, health, shame, guilt, etc. The whole experience really affected me because I kept...Read More...

Thanks beesting for your reply and sharing your experience. I have the 'I'm too much' for my T thing too. My T comes bake after a 5 week holiday on the other side of the world and I'm feeling like shit when I think about telling her how hard it's been while she's away and how much I'm strulgging. She's just had a vacation and it FEELS like ill drive her into needing another one. Which is exactly what my pdoc was trying to tell me - It WON'T drive her to feel desperate or needing another...Read More...

totally get itRead More...

((((Anna))))Read More...

Nothing productive to say because I feel brain dead, but if it's useful. Resistance is a tricksy beast and not feeling connected is horrible. xRead More...

I felt this way a lot in the initial throes of ET. I was terrified that my T was experiencing the same apprehension, aversion and confusion that I was - plus the uneasiness of dealing with a client with such intense feelings. Then, one day, this thought just clicked in my brain: It's not the same for him. Because I was opening up a lot of trauma, and investing a lot emotionally in my therapy, my feelings seemed consuming and overwhelming. But for my T, this was just a day at the office. I...Read More...

Hi turtle, I'm so sorry your T is gone so often. It is very hard to become dependent on someone who is gone a lot. And it's hard to think of working with someone else when you work with your current T so well. My T is gone at least one week a month and then some. He's been gone 14 weeks alone this year, with more to come. He does allow text and email, but it's not the same. I never had a back-up T until this summer. He wanted to refer me to someone, but I looked for my own. I called several...Read More...

Hi Affinity, Yes no doubt the crying was a sign of real empathy. My point was that this, more than any voluntary disclosure or personal sharing, deepened the connection. As for what she has shared beyond the norm for her, i believe it has mostly been of an incremental nature, tho don't know for sure. I saw her yesterday and she actually brought up that boundaries have become a little too fluid with me. Not in the way of romantic insinuations, but rather things like going over the allotted...Read More...

Hey AG! Thank you. I am so happy to be back. I've got loads of issues going on but I am committed to trucking through it and I love the support here.Read More...

(((Turtle))) please don't read anything into my silence. Things have been insane in my life, dealing with some difficult family issues and dealing with six day weeks for several months, then last week I crashed with a truly awful sinus infection which kicked off my asthma. And that was before my left knee gave out and I had to start using a cane (today's session was on the shame that rose up). So I have been doing the occasional flyby and missed that you were posting right now. I am also...Read More...

Another session and I thought I would explode. Well, I sort of did and I yelled for her to stop several times in a row. T. stopped and came over to me and told me she was stopping. I'm very upset. I told her prior to the session how bad I've been hurting and she pushed so hard to my breaking point. I am still a mess from it. Any ideas?Read More...

Not a fail - just unwellRead More...

Hi, (((Kmay))). Thanks for replying. My T did say he had a busy weekend and hadn't gotten around to it yet. I knew ahead of time it was a possibility and specifically asked when I sent it that he tell me at the beginning of the session the status, so I wouldn't worry about it. I just didn't anticipate how hard it would be knowing it was hanging out there. He offered to read it then and there, but I couldn't handle being in the room while he did. As for the breathing, ibalready have counting...Read More...

Approx same age which is better than exC who was around 10 years youngerRead More...

hi kmay, its really nice to see you again! sorry for the delayed response, during the week i'm in 'functional' mode and dont check in that often. wow, i think its really courageous to do this program in groups, i hope it helps you. thanks for what you said about the time thing, i've been thinking the same, i can see myself just getting obsessive about that and not being able to do anything else. i think i need to talk to T about it to have it more in the open, so then i can focus on other...Read More...

Sorry...deletedRead More...

I went on a little vacation with my four kids this past weekend. During my 5 hour drive, there and then back, I thought about this some more. Monte, what you say makes sense. I kept thinking about what you said. Then thinking about how I deal with my children. One still says he will live with me forever. Then I thought about what my T said about telling her what I thought I wanted my own mom to tell me....that she would be there whenever I needed her. And, then of course T's reaction was...Read More...

In terms of ramifications - going through the whole process; being convicted, name in paper, having a criminal record - it was a major turning point for me. I became desperate enough to 'go to any lengths' to get better and have a different life. I hadn't been drinking at the time of my offence but had a long history of abusing alcohol - acting out how I did when 'sober' - I knew I need to never risk drinking again. I went to rehab. 3 weeks, and my life changed. I was going to AA meetings...Read More...

I stayed home today because of nearly debilitating panic knocking me out. T had time in her schedule today. I wish I could deal with this stuff better.Read More...

Thanks Mallard. Funny, but I tried everything but "share link". I'll see what I can do. Thank you for going to the trouble.Read More...

(((CD))) sounds like a good session. It can be hard to take in, but its sounds like you're starting to! Good stuff.Read More...