Quell, Her style of therapy does very much involve her needing to be very attuned to her client's states. It does make a lot of sense she would use this as a tool in therapy too, maybe more than others. You are right that if it is holding me back, I should certainly talk to her about it. She is trying so hard to help me feel safe with her, and really genuinely wants to know how she can help me feel safer. Smilingpenguin, It is new to me to understand that the visual and sound changes are not...Read More...

Thank you very much for the reassurances! It is new for me to work with a therapist with her specialties. She is terribly empathetic and so patient with me. It does help a lot. Maybe that scares me a little! Ok, it scares me a lot because now I don't really have any excuses to hold me back. I really hope that wounded healers can be safe, because if anything, I am one myself. (I'm not a therapist but I work with a hurting population in a helping profession.)Read More...

MB, I'm glad to hear your complaint and its result have been helpful in your process. You deserve it. I really hear you about questioning your own sanity and about thinking you'll never trust in the same way. Ugh, it's so damaging what Ts can do. I admire that you're at a place of "they didn't deserve my vulnerability" and that you're at a place of knowing you didn't do anything wrong. You've got to know I'm dying to hear your song!Read More...

Hey CD-- I just asked my T about this last week. When clients lead their own therapy, he said it was called "client self determination." Even though I said he was the doctor, he replied by saying that he is no expert on me. He doesn't want to be that errogant and lead the discussion of the therapy, that it's a collaborative, mutual, co-creative process. Just thought I'd add this bit of info. LBRead More...

Hi Dragger, My T often sets me homework. As Rebuilding Me said sometimes I do it and sometimes I don't. T is ok either way. If I find it too difficult she say leave it and we look at it together. Just come from T half an hour ago a today (and the last few weeks) she asked me to do a situation analysis next time I get anxious. ie. note what happened, how I felt, what thoughts I had and what I did. If I manage to do it, we look at it together and she helps me find alternative, not so negative...Read More...

Thanks, everyone. I have an appointment with another therapist (male) later this week. His website lists some good, well established boundaries. I am hoping he`s not too far the other way- on the cold and detached side. Thanks so much for your thoughts- it`s often hard for me to trust my instincts so it`s helpful to get others` experienced opinions.Read More...

Thanks CD...I really appreciate it. I must say after the death of my first T, I saw two other psychologists, but the fit just wasn't right. Then I was referred to my 2nd T. I ended up being with him for 20 years. He was one of those therapists that went over and above what his job descritpion entailed. He told me 2 years in advance that he would be retiring. We planned on me "interviewing" new psychologists that I could go to. I'd go, interview them and report back to my T at the next...Read More...

Sending my condolences for your loss. Sending you lots of energy.Read More...

Thank you guys (((exploring))) (((saka))) (((CD))) (((pengs))) Thank you for all the support, I feel a bit silly after the fact, I'm not sure why I had a session with T about it yesterday and she told me she's seen huge progress in my self advocacy, and that she was really proud of how much I'd taken what I'd practiced with her and applied it in this case. It still feels so extremely foreign and shameful for me to say no to anything, and I have to struggle enormously even in the small ways...Read More...

Thank you Pingles and CD for your encouragement. T. is encouraging me to follow my dreams. I keep saying I am going to look into it. I guess I owe it to me to at least explore it.Read More...

Hello my dear friend! Little to add but did need to say I understand that.., don't know what I want place. It sounds, despite the pain, you're doing well with your T.. I can imagine it doesn't feel that way though.Read More...

This isn't an original. It's said a lot around the tables at 12-step meetings. H.A.L.T. H - Hungry A - Angry L - Lonely T - Tired It's a reminder that if you're having any of these feelings, you need to pay attention and take care of yourself. Getting overwhelmed with these four things puts you in a very vulnerable position for things to go downhill. So intervene with yourself before you're feeling all of them. HALT. Hunger - nutritionally and also emotionally. basic needs Anger - tho not...Read More...

that makes more sense to me than you could possibly know! i know some folks aren't too fond of Burgo, but he's got some rather good stuff out there. The Invisible Client if you snoop around, there are a few other posts about wanting/not wanting to be invisible. good stuff, if you ask me. you don't sound like a broken record. it IS hard!! TAS, i do believe most of us here know that you are indeed determined to work through this, and you're doing a great job from what i see! you have already...Read More...

Jones, thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts around therapy. i think it's incredibly relevent. for me anyway, i think this is what therapy should be. from how you describe it, she gently and thoughtfully GUIDED you through this transference. by no means is it finished, but it was shamelessly recognized and discussed in a way to help you understand and hopefully begin to resolve it in a safe environment. i think that is wonderful! from my experience, whether it is a positive or a...Read More...

((Jill)) that is interesting how us and then our siblings turned out. It's a different kind of damage I think… I use my ED not to escape (though, I know that's what it is also) but to disappear. I'm not sure if it works like that for other substances, I'm sure it does. It's really hard when our self harm is visible… thankfully I doubt very much anyone on the outside can tell I have an ED… my Ts have seen my weight but to average joe on the street… it's not there. That's good at least, but...Read More...

(((exploring))) I'm so impressed with your creativity!! Wonderful, I'm going to remember that (((RT))) Thank you!! and I agree, great idea for acronym threadRead More...

(((Jillann)))) So sorry for missing your reply to me. SBRead More...

Exploring, thank you for your advice, good thoughts and concern. Writing things down before sessions is a good idea, or journaling. I used to journal my thoughts and sometimes I gave it to T in sessions. I have also sent it to her in email. That was before this long rupture I had with her. Now I find it very difficult to write. I don´t know why I find it so hard. Maybe I have to push myself, just to write a little each day, maybe just one word, one sentence. Writing here and getting response...Read More...

Hi About, Could you email her and tell her you are confused by the communication about appointments? I know it can feel so scary to ask for what you need or want (I find it really difficult). She may be just booked up - most of the time people's behaviour isn't our doing or a reaction to us, however I know what it is like to look for evidence of rejection all the time. Hope you can find a gentle way forward. Most T's want to help and be there for their clients - in amongst their various...Read More...

She sounds cool! (and.... how brave you are to meet so many new people, as it is a big emotional investment to go through all the first sessions, and dare to speak and really give them a chance... *i am impressed*)Read More...

Damn it, I could not find time to answer properly yet, I keep getting from one "bad moment" to another. Anyway, just saying, if anyone wants to see the next "Therapy gallery" thing (from my blog):Read More...

(((mallard))) thank you I agree. The other thing that stung about the soldier reference is I didn't like him comparing a grown man who may have had healthy resources before trauma, vs. a child growing up in trauma. One thing that I said to T once about the idea of 'picturing yourself before the trauma' I said, "what picture do I look at? An ultrasound?" You are very right that 'choosing to be happy' collapses eventually. (edited to add I don't mean to imply that I had it worse than a...Read More...

Thank you, Lucy. This thread gave me the courage to be straightforward with my T for the first time on this issue, though she has tried to broach it with me--not sure where this will lead, but I am being honest with her. That at least gives her a chance to help me. Thanks, guys.Read More...

(((lucy)))Read More...

Stoppers, I agree that triggering can cause any range of emotions. How I would define it is that I find myself in a set of circumstances that bear enough resemblance to a situation in the past that my unconscious registers danger and goes in to overdrive based more on my experience rather than what is actually going on here and now. ***TW Sexual abusem & gyn details (yes, I see the irony. ) A few years back I went through a solid month of vaginal bleeding and had to have a uterine...Read More...