Well, I've definitely been put on a pedestal... and left there. (They don't like it when you keep jumping off and refuse to stay put.) I've had one that fit just right for a while, but didn't fit anymore once I started to grow. I had to ask that one to keep on rolling without me. I've met many who had too many missing pieces for me to fill, even through I tried by best to fill them all anyway. (Hmm... my husband is definitely one of these.) I thought/wanted to think that my P was the Big O,...Read More...

Oh, and about the medication issue. I know that I too have always had a hard time with memories and memories with feeling. Since I feel like I have so few memories, it's hard to remember how I felt before I went on medication (it feels like I have a whole blank period of memories while I was in the throws of depression) - but I suspect I was much the same as you, MTF. I should try and bring it up with my T, but sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I wonder if I'm overreacting, since I'm not...Read More...

Oh and the other thing is, if I can't bear the silence - sometimes I can and sometimes I can't, I ask a question or just say something, anything(!) to break it. Well she normally realises and lets me off the hook for a while, I have a breather and a rethink, before we go back to where we were... usually then it feels easier. FACT: Ts will always win the 'keep silences longest' game starfishRead More...

My H just called me to say he was going out to buy the shotgun and wouldn't be home when I arrived. OK...I think I'm coming to terms with this just being paranoia. Off topic, I know, but he told me how he came across a family of groundhogs being born and the babies were crawling into our pasture and barns where our livestock are. The were many babies I guess. He beat them to death with a shovel and threw them into the woods. Dont know where the mother is. I know he was just trying to protect...Read More...

Pippi, I'm so happy for you! It's wonderful to read such an amazing and upbeat post from you. It sounds like you made some great progress with your T and he responded to you really well! The beads sound like a great transitional object for you and I'm glad they are working so well. Keep up the good vibes and let us know how your session goes when you get back in to see your T again. You're doing great!! MTFRead More...

Yeah, where are you Monte? We're all missing you!! Come BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! MTFRead More...

Dontgiveuponme Hello and welcome. No I really don't think your therapist or any other decent one would think you are crazy, neither would anybody here. What you describe sounds very familiar to me and I expect to several members here. It sounds very much to me as TN suggested, that you are dissociating, little wonder, as you say I think your body is trying to protect you from being overwhelmed by what you are experiencing. This can result in all sorts of feelings of heaviness and...Read More...

Hello again and thank you so much everyone (again) for being so supportive. I really needed that and so appreciate it, I am so scared that people are going to think oh god Lamplighter always has to complain doesn’t she, there’s always something wrong with her Ts especially after I tempted fate BIG TIME by posting that glowing post about this T and going on about yes you can find the right T if you keep looking and the very next session suddenly it’s all crap again - I really feel paranoid...Read More...

You've all hit on so many points that I completely resonate with. Thinking about it after the fact, I think my T did what was best in the situation for me, but it didn't feel like it. Honestly, I think the only thing that would have helped in that moment was a feeling of full release from any guilt or confusion about everything, which just isn't possible. But, I may just be telling myself that because I don't want to think about what I really wanted or really thought would help, since I...Read More...

(((( Deeplyrooted ))) Nah not going to slap you when you already have a big enough stick to beat yourself with! We started a bonfire on here for big sticks a while back, I’ve gotten rid of mine but for some reason I seem to have an inexhaustible supply of them (they keep appearing in my hand no matter how many I burn lol) These comments remind me of the same thing with me - sticking with ill-fitting people and only in retrospect realizing I should have gotten out a lot sooner - hearing...Read More...

Hi Amazon, forgive me if I am repeating myself, but I once called my T "my paid friend" that did not go over well- AT ALL. I was in a very bad place, It had nothing to do with him, but I made it all about him, my bad. Even when I couldn't yet see the forest through the trees, I apologized sincerely. this was one of those things that I regretted saying. He was hard on me- by saying that I hurt his heart. Sometimes I forget that he was not there for the things that caused my issues, and yet...Read More...

Hi BB, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. The above statement is absolutely a wonerful goal. You sound like me- I have all this stuff I want to talk about, and i get in- then none of it is addressed. What has workked in the past- is my letter writing. I bring it- he reads it, and we talk about the parts as he is reading it. He clarifies- asks questions,or comments on my thinking-writing. lately this process has failed me though, because the letter along with his payment stayed in...Read More...

Oh dear Mayo, on the other hand I feel safe when the table separates me from him while the distance is now shorter. I feel like removing the table would leave me exposed and even closer to him so yeah, that is a scary thing to do. So I'm perfectly fine with the table. It is a small, nice table and let it beRead More...

TN- Thanks for the reply, it really did help. I think I am going to see about going to see my psychiatrist sooner to discuss this. I dont think unless we actually discuss it I am going to be worried about the reason why he wont have sex with me or give me even a chance. Even if I cant get in sooner I will see him two weeks from tomorrow and I cant wait until I get that chance. Right now I am going back from being depressed and confused to excited about the things I am learning about myself.Read More...

Hi Namratasnv, Welcome to the community. Please do say more about yourself, as we are a community that thrives on sharing and we are really open to hearing from new members. If your aim is to promote a particular website, perhaps the best thing would be to post one link only and to say a little bit about the website. JonesRead More...

Hi this is what i have heard about but at the same time it needs to be understood the difference between counter-dependency and co-dependency. As I have seen many people who are very much emotionally dependable on people and they got hurt easily. Thanks dayspringcenter.comRead More...

The three things that you showed us here are actually very important fro us how we can help us to stop inner critic as, through this we can better analyze our selves and also the decisions we take. As, it is not that bad to talk with yourself as, by doing this you are knowing the better side of yours and what is right or wrong for you. Thanks dayspringcenter.comRead More...

AG I LOVE your posts, the longer the better! They are always full of such wisdom and insight and clarity that it is such a positive thing reading them. What can I say though? Well done you for what you are achieving, and for being able to keep on learning things that are helping you to feel better and better about yourself. Way to go! LamplighterRead More...

Oh, that's so fantastic, Janedoe. I've ridden horses my whole life, but I don't have my horse with me now because of school, finances and other situations. It really is so therapeutic, and I miss riding so much. My horse is leased out to someone for now, and I have trouble even seeing pictures of him because it hurts so much! What I love about being around my horse is that I don't have to be anything I'm not. My horse and I figure things out together, and when things click, it's an amazing...Read More...

Thanks for the hug AG and starfish . It does help to know at MyShrink that I do not walk this journey alone, even though it sometimes feels like it. Though the pain of rejection exposed deeper issues, I am grieved that the relationship cannot be repaired because trust was broken. I am tempted to blame myself for the anger I expressed. I am guilty of scaring her away or resenting me for something I did or said. I don't know how to move past that right now. Thank you, starfish, for the words...Read More...

Good on you Lizzygirl! Not long to go now ... LamplighterRead More...

Thank you guys for your care and support. I’ve now started on the shitty hateful task of trying to find another T and am already hitting spinning-me-out crap. Will start another thread on that as I’m going to need a load of input from others to keep me sane and focused in this, it’s only been a couple of days and already I’m thinking that I’ve made a big mistake finishing with T. So it looks like I’ll be back to massive posts and circular thinking again soon. LOL be warned. True North what...Read More...

BB, I can come up with something, it may sound like a right thing to do, but, it's doesn't mean that I can follow my own advise. I know most of the time, what I should tell my T, but I don't always do. A year into therapy and I still didn't tell him much about some important heartbreaking events in my life. I imagine it is going to be heartbreaking kind of love so I try keep it at acceptable (for me) level. I already allowed it to be of slightly sexual shade, but not much. Just a tint. So it...Read More...

It's interesting. It happened to me twice that I got this noise in my ears for a very short while during the session. I don't know if this was anything that matters. I don't really know what disociation is, I don't think it ever happened to me. I am shaking sometimes when the feeling gets very strong, when I'm trying to say something and it's very, very hard to say. I think when it ever comes to the end, which I don't want and I don't expect to happen too soon, I would not want to call it...Read More...

I decided not to change P at this time. I'm going through some difficulty with medication and didn't think it would be a good time to change. However, I have decided that he is a dork and that I prefer to stay where I'm at. The drive isn't that bad, actually gives me some private thinking time away from my husband, gets me off the farm, and the reimbursement is about the same. Gas costs would be the only issue financially. My current P has been very supportive during my T vacation, pinch...Read More...