Hang in there- scaredtoriskmyself, It does get better. If you are new- welcome. Lots of well informed loving people here.Read More...

AG - thats wonderful! Your courage is amazing and what a gift! good job!Read More...

Strummergirl - your words really helped! thanks! I did! Still reading through and processing it - and I loved the Bonnie Raitt song! It reminded me of other songs and I put it and a some others on my MP3 player to help get my head to listen to some different voices than just my own spiral of ick! I read that and yeah, you are right... but then I think but I should have done this sooner or it's too little too late or... oh here I go again, down into the black hole of ick and hate. ugh. Yeah,...Read More...

Hi Kashley- I have to echo what Echo said. (Bad- I know) For me- it does nothing to explore whether or not what happened to me was abuse- meaning intentionally done to hurt me or not. The fact remains, that it did seriously hurt me. And the therapy bills prove that. The blaming of others for who and what I am- does not help me grow, and that is my goal. While I love my T (would marry him if I could) I don't wan't to be in therapy 4 ever. I would rather go surfing with him, or long boarding...Read More...

Hi Everyone- I can relate to the Bear. For the first time in my life. I have a teddy bear- how embarrassing!Read More...

Hi Helle, Kashley, Lamplighter - thanks so much for the congrats, that was lovely. Helle, you are welcome to the words - very welcome!! Ooh look, here's another fresh chocolate cake.Read More...

Thanks SG. It's hard to imagine how next week's session will go when I feel like I have to pretend things are not an issue when they are. And because of this I don't feel safe discussing any of the other serious stuff. I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it, though. Things could change before the couples session and no one can stop me talking to my t in my session. And my work pressure will soon ease up, I will have more time and emotional energy. I n the meantime it feels...Read More...

skybarbie Sorry that your poll isn't applicable to me but so sorry to read on another thread that you had been affected by 9/11. I cannot imagine at all how awful that must have been at any level. I hope you find some support here. starfishRead More...

D, I feel such deep empathy for you and your struggle with flashbacks. I am so sorry someone perpetrated such evil against you and that you are left with such painful and terrifying experiences to work through. You are courageous in doing this difficult work. Can you explain what you meant by moving from the first phase to the second phase of therapy? This comment implies that there is an order to this very chaotic and unpredictable mess called recovery. deeplyrootedRead More...

Hey CT- Once I called my T- "my paid friend" Needless to say , that did not go over well, and I was so sorry tht I had said that.Read More...

Welcome back Jo!Read More...

Thanks for the update, Echo! I've been thinking about you & wondering how you're holding up. I'm glad to hear that the first instance of your paths crossing turned out to be okay. I hope so, too. Take care, SGRead More...

Sounds like a plan to me, Ag! You in Jo? But...ARE there moderators? If so they are awfully quiet. spooooooooky.Read More...

What a beautiful expression of your heart, AG. You are so talented, to have something so deeply moving just "pop" out. I love all of it, but this especially touched me: Thank you for sharing this. SGRead More...

LL - Thank you for sharing your experiences - I do resonate a lot with what you are saying, too. I guess I have been ok today...I'm half-heartedly trying to stay in touch with how my mother made me feel even though she's acting like everything is perfectly fine now. I've learned over the years that when she goes back to acting fine, she's just waiting for me to apologize, which I'm not going to do. But it makes me angry, and anger has always been an off-limits kind of feeling. I'm struggling...Read More...

Thanks, dragonfly!! lizzygirl, Yuck indeed. I'm so sorry - it's so painful. It warms my heart that he has contacted you, so at the very least you know he's safe and thinking of you. I know that does not come close in comparison to seeing him and talking to him though. I hope you have been able to find something that can ease the pain and help pass the time. Keep posting!! (((((((lizzygirl)))))))Read More...

Lamplighter, My T gives me various homework assignments, but I have to admit I don't usually do them. Recently she gave me an assignment where I am supposed to be comparing my mom with past attachment figures, mainly teachers from junior high and high school (women I was attached to, like I am attached to my T now). She also has had me journal certain things, like successes with certain things we have talked about, or she's given me something to work on with my husband, since I'm working on...Read More...

Wow SG, this is a big deal! I'm "happy" for you, too. Your T sounds wonderful. It's so nice that she knows to just listen and not try to fix things. Crying was a huge stumbling block for me in therapy, too. That "relative safety" issue again. I just couldn't do it. Partially because I knew he couldn't just listen to me without offering advice. The few occasions when I did share something "unfixable", he would kind of appologize and say something like, "I wish I had some wise words to offer...Read More...

You know what? I didn't dare to ask any questions when I met my T first time. The only concern I expressed what that I was actually expecting to see a woman. I didn't know what kind of question could I ask that would be ok. I thought I should not even ask what his name was (thought he was the guy who replied my call about appointment, but that was somebody else). I didn't really know what you are allowed to ask your therapist when you see him/her first time. I think I decided to stay with...Read More...

Amazon- that is awesome that your T is willing to do that for you. I hope that mine will and the wait is just killing me. I hope if he does that it is something more than just a note cause those are so easy to loose or to forget they are in your pocket and let it go through the washing machine and that would devastate me! That is my biggest fear because I know it would go every where with me and what if I leave it in my pocket and then my husband decides to do laundry and it ends up in the...Read More...

Jones, Thanks for explaining your analogy in greater detail. I understand it now! It wasn't clunky, I just didn't get it because a)I'm not a dancer and b)I would be the kind of follower that would correct the leader's step to keep myself from ending up falling over or ending up in that awkward position. But I see how that could be detrimental to the beginner leader, or even a seasoned leader if they were not really 'attuned' to their partner. I am glad you have a greater connection with your...Read More...

Thanks for asking Seablue! Sorry all, I didn't mean to pull a disappearing act. I'm actually feeling much better but the goodbye party for my co-worker was on Friday and my husband had his first day off in three weeks today so posting time and/or the energy to do so has been in short supply. When I wrote the original post in this thread I was really in a place of deep despair which I have not, thankfully stayed in. I think that I am in the midst of wrestling with letting go of so many of my...Read More...

kashley I know what you mean about too many thoughts and not enough hands (even for a starfish) - that's why mapping can be quicker and easier. My T seems to find it useful to look at what I've mapped - especially those I've not thought about too much, just written or drawn as thoughts came into my head. starfishRead More...

Thanks Monte...your perspective helped me to be kinder to myself through all of this...and thanks smiley...wow..so you've been through the same thing!!! I too had isolated myself and to this day I continue to isolate...and my T knows this....I hope my T and I will talk about it for awhile...what kinds of things did you learn from it all(if you don't mind sharing...)...and again...Thank You, MLCRead More...

(((((Smiley)))))Hang in there with us, ok? Keep reading and keep posting. I have been sharing my stuff gradually for about a year - little more maybe, and- there is an awful lot of genuine love and support here. You will be able to connect with some more than others, but no matter what- we all care, and some know exactly what is in your heart- because they know your pain. That is why this works. Stay connected- we love hearing about you and your journey. HelleRead More...