Hey MTF, I don't have much to add to these great comments, but I just want to say that I'm reading and supporting you all the way! I just wanted to mention that I can understand what you mean about having confusion when it comes to God. I've found that since I've been emotionally numb for so long, it's so hard for me to commit to a relationship with God when He's not physically here. I have so much trouble with normal men and women that I can't fathom the type of love that God supposedly has...Read More...

I second this! Flylady is fantastic for people who feel overwhelmed by depression or ADD or whatever. When I was at the lowest point in my life, I joined up and just did whatever she emailed me to do, no questions asked. Flylady wants me to get up and wipe down my dining room windowsill, and it will only take 3 minutes? OK! Don't overthink it, because yes, it is "totally twee and naff" (never heard either of those expressions, yet they sound spot on! LOL). Flylady has a Christian lean to it,...Read More...

Thank you all so much for your wonderful responses. I wish I had as much knowledge as all of you. Everything you wrote makes so much sense and helped me really understand why I am feeling so poorly. I have talked to my therapist and explained that I have some important issues that I would like to discuss with her this week. I pray I am strong enough to really tell her how I have been feeling. I have a hard time asking for what I need and find it easier to just let things continue as they are...Read More...

Don't sell yourself short, CT!! I'm sure you're beautiful. We all are!! We have just become our own worst critics and judges. So sad, too. Wow. I've been only just coming to grips with the emotional deprivation I suffered as an infant and young child (well, all my childhood, really) at the hands of an emotionally unavailable mother. It hurts a lot, and I've asked myself those same sorts of questions. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's her issue, not mine, because as you so clearly...Read More...

I currently have a nurse practitioner that handles my meds, an individual therapist and a couples counselor. Naturally, they each handle different things, but I'm finding that I have some trouble keeping straight what topics I talked about with which therapist. My NP and individual T will communicate sometimes, and they seem to like each other reasonably well, which is good My T and my couples counselor know each other since the beginning of time (or so I was told) but I don't think they...Read More...

CT: Thanks for sharing this stuff with me via the link you posted in my thread. I could have written a lot of the earliest stuff myself. It makes me feel a lot better and gives me some courage that I can do this! Ugh. Scared still, but I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm so glad that you had a good outcome with your T, and I'm so hoping that I get a similar response from my own! MTFRead More...

Hi Lamplighter! I'm a few days late, but I wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond to my call for help. I was able to get in there and talk to her about all of my issues (well, most of them) and things weren't as bad as I'd imagined them to be (surprise, surprise!). Most things got resolved, and I know in time the rest will be, too. She was really understanding about the fact that I feel traumatized by all of this and asked if I wanted to be transferred to a new T. That was hard,...Read More...

I wanted to reply to everyone individually, as I appreciate each of you taking the time out of your lives to respond to my cry for help. Thank you! Amazon: I feel that my trust with her is growing a lot, and thank you for the reminder that she did indeed pass the last test with flying colors. I feel she cares about me and our attachment to each other is important to her as she knows that's where my healing will occur. For now I will stick with her and work on fixing the trust issues. Thanks...Read More...

I usually would just ignore looking at something like that. For whatever reason, I decided to click on the link and see what it was about. I am soooo glad I did. This is amazing and I agree with others who wrote that every time I play it I hear something new, something to think about. Thanks AG, As usual you share the most awesome things. EmogirlRead More...

Hi Jones...thanks for telling me you've experienced something similar, I am surprised but also glad to know I'm not the only one! Just to clarify something I said...the "visual" part, I don't actually "see" anyone...like you said, it's an "internal" presence, and sometimes I take the next step and imagine that it's external, but I know it's my imagination. It is so weird and difficult to put this into words because I've been doing it as long as I can remember (in general, I mean...not just...Read More...

Spagirl it sounds like you’ve turned yourself inside out, bent over backwards and done everything you could have to make the relationship with your mom work out better. It also sounds as if the way you deal with it now does more or less work for you, in that you can detach yourself when she turns on you and come back to her later when you are not so much in pain. It’s not ideal but maybe that’s the best way for you to deal with it all right now. I think that maybe what would help you the...Read More...

BB Well done you for: recognising your need AND being brave enough to ask him for what you need. WOW that's very brave and real progress - and great to feel that it was ok with him and maybe sneakily what he might have been hoping for too!! [QUOTE] [/Interesting his response...almost like he was waiting for that all along.QUOTE] Do you really think he doesn't like you? Or do you just worry in case he doesn't? Body language is difficult to decipher and he should be expert at NOT showing any...Read More...

Echo you make perfect sense. It's so hard to walk back in after a long break and feel like you still know him. It's almost like we are strangers again and I have to try to re-establish the trust again in my mind. To try to remember who he is and how he is. Then again, when I'm gone for awhile I play the math game too and I can really feel like if I'm not seeing him he will forget who I am because I'm not important to him. If I'm not there for sessions to remind him that I exist... then I...Read More...

Thanks so much for the replies everyone... for the space and permission to grieve. It's nice to hear that you all don't see me as self absorbed... maybe I'll bring that up with my t. I'm seeing her a second time this week... I told her that I'm sad, this is a very long week and I feel better when I'm with her so I'd like to see her again! How's that for honest? And she said okay! TN- I was pretty close to my own grandmother... she openly favored my brother, but she did actually love me...Read More...

Who knows, maybe you'll start hating him once he starts to analyze all of the things you spill to him. Probably not, however. But on a more serious note, even though you do idealize him, you are still pursuing more sessions out of an identified need, which is all that matters. And it makes sense what you mean about reinforcing his "divinity." Because if you read and hear about others' experiences with their therapists, you can compare it to yours and ultimately decide that whatever your...Read More...

Hey Amazon, I'm so glad I've found this forum, because it has sort of been a way for me to answer (or at least placate myself for a while) the questions I have about therapy, relationships, life... I over-think things a TON, and without individual therapy, I have all of these things floating around in my head, and the pressure gets relieved a little bit by reading through everyone else's posts. I can't really see how such a large group would have been therapeutic except to the exceptionally...Read More...

LL thankyou (((hug))). I write such short replies compared to others, I never feel they are useful. I write heaps in journals though, but guess nobody sees those so can be braver and never tell my T about anthing I have written unless am prepared to show her cos she will always ask to see it and for me to do the reading of it too Thank you all, it helps me to post here to feel a bit braver to share. Am sorry if I can't quite open up completely sometimes though. starfishRead More...

Can I just add my T has suggested (several times now) a crisis line call. I nearly died . It took ages (I'm talking years) to even speak out to her - now am I really going to pour my heart out to a stranger who I can't even see? It's really not for me, think I would end up dicossiated for hours on the end of the phone - very expensive call then!! Now if it was AG hen that's different Maybe AG you could set up a line just for us? starfishRead More...

Hi Everyone I feel so incredibly selfish. I only post here ocassionally and I seem to have no time to read all the courageous posts by other Myshrink members. I just wanted to say 'hi' and that I am thinking of everyone as we continue our journey with therapy. One last thing, just a quick update on where I'm at.... I am still struggling with my Dad. I can't believe I have idolised a man who is so human. I am aching on the inside. I feel so much - but it's feeling in isolation. I can't...Read More...

Hi Janedoe Great to hear from you and have an update. It sounds like you are doing amazing work in an equally amazing and supportive environment. Great too to feel you can do or say anything and know you will be carried and helped thrugh that and come out the other side, however tough. That there is someone there to talk to when you need it, not the dreadful 'I'm stuck on my own with this and nowhere to turn to' that we all know so well. Good on you. Keep at it and I would reiterate what...Read More...

Hm, that's interesting. Now that I read your posts dragonfly and MTF, it made me put together some thoughts about a few women that I know/known in the past. I felt there was something very special about them. I think I kind of track these feelings back to my aunt, not my mother. They were not like my mother at all. My aunt was babysittig me when I was small, I don't know if it was on one occasion or more, but I always had this special feeling about her. Like she was somebody special to me...Read More...

My P just brought up self soothing this week, so I did a search on here and found this thread. I'm confused about what exactly is involved in self soothing. My session this week was a non-talking one on my part so I didn't ask him what he meant. He said that people with traumatic childhoods often never learned to self soothe, so when situations arise that cause stress/discomfort, they become more distressed because they can't calm themselves down. So what I'm wondering: Is self soothing...Read More...

Dragonfly, I'm sorry. (Couldn't resist!) OK OK I'll behave! BTW I didn't see you raging at us at all, I saw your anger being directed against what happened to you and I think that 's a good thing. And I agree that's it really good that people be able to express their thoughts and feelings for whatever they are. I share your dislike of the the secrets and lies and denials. I remember once my T didn't answer an email of mine for three days in which I had asked for reassurance so I had gone...Read More...

Hi FOT!!! It's wonderful to hear from you! And thank you for what you said, it really does help to hear from you just how painful it is when they don't hold those boundaries. I am SO happy to hear you're seeing a new P, how incredibly strong and brave of you to continue to pursue your healing. I can't imagine how scary it would feel so I am so very impressed with you're doing it. And I hope he turns out to be every bit as good as my T (I'd say better but I know that would sound unbelievable...Read More...